6 days and counting...

one week left.

It's so weird that it's already a week away. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm gonna need to find a job as soon as I get back. I'm considering going back to my old job, depending on who is in charge.

Things have been weird lately. Time is going by so fast. I can't believe Christmas was already a week ago. It's so weird that this year is almost over. It doesn't feel like it should be 2008 yet.

It's weird to think that I'm a year away from graduating. Ugh. life is happening so fast. I'm not ready for this.

I have so much to do this week. I have to make sure all my clothes are clean. Then I have to figure out everything I'm taking, and pack it all up, that's going to be weird. Then after I pack everything, I have to go through my room and make sure there isn't anything in here that's mine. It's going to be turned into the guest room. That seems strange to me, knowing that I won't be coming back here permanently. I can't start packing until Wednesday(ish.) So I hope to have everything taken care of by Friday.

I've been trying to get a hold of Val. I have a few questions for her, but so far I haven't been able to.

I love that after shower feeling. My hair smells good, both my hair and skin are so soft. My legs are smooth, and I just feel so clean.

Methinks it's time for some water and finding some new music.

lalalala... I'm bored

I can't believe tomorrow is already Christmas eve.

It feels so unlike Christmas that it's weird.

I have a weird bump on my lip that is bothering me. It's like a pimple or something, but it's not. if that makes sense.

I've been feeling a lot better, lately. I think that's a good sign.

I keep thinking that moving back is 3 weeks away, but in reality it's week after this. CRAZY!

I'm ready to go back, but I'm not. It's going to be so different. Different, and sad.

My thoughts are coherent, but come across as rambling. I find that odd.

It feels like forever since I've been here.

One of these days I'll come up with a real post. After Christmas, probably.

It'll be a good story. Probably with a little drama, a little comedy, lots of presents. haha. Can't wait!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Brokenness is what I long for.... Or at least I should.

in a conversation with my friend (in reference to my last post) she said something that made me stop and think. When she was faced with a situation similar to mine, her friend had told her that God desires brokenness. This was something that I had never considered before. In fact, I wasn't really even aware of this. It kind of freaks me out. I've been broken before, and it's awful. I think knowing that makes it even harder. How can I pray to be broken when I don't want to be broken? Well, I do and I don't. Spiritually, I do because I know that it will make things better. Physically/emotionally? I'd rather walk on broken shards of glass.

This is what I'm struggling with now. I know that in order to get past this hurdle, I have to become broken. I know it's what I need. But it scares me, and because of that, it makes it harder for me to desire that.

I spoke the words, but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.

It's not often that a single line in a song affects me as much as this one.

It's a strange feeling.

I never thought about how much I do that. Speak, without giving thought to the meaning of the words. Most often, it's something as simple as an "I'm sorry" or a seemingly insignificant little white lie. Sometimes I don't think about the effect that my words (could) have on someone.

But, perhaps most hauntingly, I'm realizing that this describes my faith, my prayers, and sometimes my beliefs. How often I'll sing along with a song, not giving real thought to the lyrics I'm singing. Or say a brief prayer, without giving thought to what it really is that I'm saying. Sometimes prayers for other people are really prayers for myself, selfish prayers. Lately, during my quiet time, I've been praying that God would reveal Himself to me, but the words feel empty. There is no feeling behind them. I don't think I really want God to reveal Himself to me, because in that revelation, I will have to take a closer look at myself and see that I'm really not living the way that I say that I want to. That makes me a liar, and a hypocrite.

Who wants to actually believe that about themselves? I'd much rather live in my little bubble of (un)blissful ignorance. Perhaps a self-imposed ignorance?

if you are chilly, here take my sweater

I love sinus infections. I mean, seriously, who doesn't? My sinuses are all screwed up. One minute I'm all stuffy and can't breathe. The next, they're dry and painful. Also, because of this, my throat is all scratchy. The only way to make my throat feel better is by drinking hot tea. Which is fine, except I put my hot tea in my insulated Starbucks cup, which made sure that it stayed hot. I scalded my tongue and now it feels weird. Fun times.

Ah, well. Gives me an excuse to spend the night watching the CSI: Miami marathon and not feel like a bum.

I finally got all my paperwork faxed today. I have to call them tomorrow and find out how long it's going to take to find out whether I've been approved. I really should not have put this off. I hope the office is open tomorrow, otherwise I'll have to wait until Monday.

I want to wake up with the rain falling on a tin roof

AH! In my drugs and crime class I have an 89.2% I'm glad that I did really well, but I just keep thinking that one more question right on a test would have bumped me up to an A. That's the unofficial official grade. So maybe he'll bump it up?

I can't believe it's already Friday(ish). Time is going by so fast. I couldn't get my paperwork faxed today, because I had to get something notarized and forgot about it. So I'm gonna have to do it tomorrow.

I was watching Paula Deen yesterday and she made cherries jubilee. It looked so good, and now I want some. I have two cans of cherry pie filling in the pantry, but no vanilla ice cream! How upsetting. Maybe I'll pick some up tomorrow. With brandy? Apparently you put brandy in it, and I'm quite sure we don't have any.

I have a sore throat. It's not to the point where it's painful to swallow, just annoying. Which I think is worse. I drank some hot tea, but that only made it feel better while I was drinking it.

bedtime, I think.

There's no place to hide when you're tangled up inside.

Today is the day that I fax all my paperwork for my apartment. Nothing like waiting until the last minute.

I learned something about myself this week. I like the really corny pop songs. Like "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat. Or, "The Way I Am" my Ingrid Michaelson. Yep.

Also, I've been invited to a New Year's Eve party. It's also a going away party. I don't think I'm going to go. It's hard, because I feel kind of bad for not going, but since I've been gone none of these people have made an effort to keep in touch. It's sort of the "out of sight, out of mind" thing. Even though I've attempted a few times to get in touch with them and see how they're doing. Though, I don't know why I would expect anything else out of them. They've proven to be like this every time I'm gone for a prolonged period of time. Oh well. I'm actually not upset about it.

I have an appointment on Monday (finally) to get new glasses. The ones I have now aren't working. They're only good for watching TV. I can't use them when I read or when I'm on my computer. When I drive I wear them because it's better than when I don't wear them, but some things are still blurry at certain distances. So hopefully I can get that taken care of.

Aww, my little piece of chocolate out of my advent calendar just fell between my bed and the wall and ended up on the floor. That makes me sad.

Well, I suppose I should start getting ready. I have to go take the paperwork to my mom so she can sign the guarantor's form. Plus, I'm going to use her fax machine.

12 days til Christmas!

So I'm completely finished with three classes. I'm just waiting on my final grades. Tomorrow is a free day for my siblings (neither of them have to work) so that's when I'm going to take my last final. I saved the easiest for last. It's cumulative, but I have notes for every chapter, and I actually read every chapter because it was that interesting. So that should be relatively easy.

I can't believe there are only two weeks until Christmas. It doesn't feel like it's that close. Especially since it's still ridiculously hot. Tomorrow it's supposed to be 85. I'm ready for some cold! Nature needs to get with the program. Seriously.

It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags!

I'm tired, physically, I think. Which is odd, because it's only 8 p.m. and I didn't get out of bed until noon today. To make up for my laziness this morning, I spent a couple of hours baking cookies. Snickerdoodles and sugar cookies, to be exact. I was going to make m&m cookies and teegeback, but it was too late for that. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow after I take my final. We'll see.

Right now I'm watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas with my parents and my brother. The cartoon, of course. That's because I don't care for the Jim Carrey version. He is probably my least favorite actor. Ever since I saw Liar, Liar. Anyway. So we're watching the cartoon version because I missed it the first time it was on. This is probably my favorite Christmas cartoon. I love the dog in it.

I still haven't read the three chapters for my test. Luckily, I have until Tuesday night to take it. I've been procrastinating those chapters pretty badly.

That's all I've got, apparently. I thought I had more to say.

why am I so blind, with my eyes wide open?

This week has been rather busy for me. It's paid off, though, because I'm completely finished with two classes! That is such a relief. Especially since one of them is the one I like the least. The two that are left are probably my two favorite ones, drugs and science and crime. Plus, I ordered all my books this week, and I'm completely registered so that's a relief! Now all that's left is to get the paperwork for my apartment so I can get everything faxed. I'll have to do that on Monday. After my final of course. I can't believe that it's already finals week. This semester flew by.

Despite the fact that it was very busy, this week was pretty good. There were two days where I got to spend a significant amount of time with my brother, just the two of us. That doesn't happen very often. Plus, there's been a good amount of family holiday time. That's always fun. There's also been a good amount of baked goods in my house. Not so good for my whole "trying-not-to-gain-a-ton-of-weight-this-holiday" plan, but good for my taste buds. So I'm okay with that. I suppose it doesn't help that every day I get to eat a little piece of chocolate.

My tooth/jaw situation is pretty interesting. I've been taking my antibiotics, and I haven't had any pain (hooray!) and lately there hasn't been any pressure on my tooth. However, it's still kinda sensitive to chew on that side and I've been afraid to find out if it's still cold/heat sensitive.

On a completely unrelated note, my cat likes apple streusel.

And, I found out what the Oxford comma was today. Never knew what it was called. Actually, I didn't really know that there was a name for it. Whatever.

I've been playing a lot of Wii this week. I even have a Mii. It's quite entertaining. Also helps in my procrastination, and I find that hours go by without my knowledge while I'm playing. I decided that it probably wasn't a good idea to have in my room when I was trying to study.

Speaking of, I think I'll go play Wii now.

Ahhh. procrastination

In an effort to procrastinate, I present to you my Christmas tree :)

Christmas is coming!

And now, for a real post. ha!

I should be studying. I've managed to put it off for 3 hours now. I'm pretty proud. Except I really need to do it. It's coming down to the wire, as they say. What does that even mean?

Today is First Advent. It officially kicks off Christmas in my household. It's a tradition we've had since we were little kids. It was something that my dad's family celebrated, and now we celebrate it. I'd explain it, but according to the wikipedia article, we celebrate it differently. So I guess I'll explain how we celebrate it. Advent Sunday starts four Sundays before Christmas Eve. We have an Advent wreath:
The four candles around the wreath are lit on the four Sundays before. One candle on the first, two on the second, and so on. The middle candle (and all surrounding candles) are lit on Christmas Eve. When my siblings and I were younger, we used to fight over who got to blow the candles out. We wait until it is dark outside (which is much earlier up north than here!) and then my brother, sister, and I go into one of our bedrooms and shut the door. We read the Christmas Story (typically out of Matthew or Luke) out loud (we take turns each Sunday) and wait until we hear the Christmas music. When we come out, all the Christmas lights are on, candles are lit, and the advent wreath is lit according to which Sunday it is. We each have a Christmas tray full of candies and chocolate. On Second Advent we have a small, unwrapped gift with our candies. On Third Advent our parents pick a small gift from under the tree for us to open, and on Fourth we are allowed to pick our own gift. After, we sit around and just talk and enjoy the ambiance. This is definitely one of my favorite Christmas traditions and one I plan on celebrating when I have children.

How cool would this have been when we were little?

Now you can track Santa's sleigh using Google.

Man.

bored...

Who knew that CSI: Miami could be so distracting? Not I!

I intended to read two chapters and take a test this evening. I also decided to put on the tv in the background. Little did I know, I had turned on a CSI marathon. HEAVEN! I love this show. I have to remember to figure out when the new episodes are on and add it to the list of shows that I watch.

The reading, on the other hand, didn't happen so much. I did get about a third of the way through the chapter, maybe closer to halfway, with pretty decent notes. But I still kept getting distracted. So I figure that I'll just work on it this weekend. I've got nothing else to do, besides study for my final on Monday. I really need to study for that one, too. It's the class that I like the least. It's even worse because I thought that it would be pretty interesting, but the book is awful and the professor is even worse. It takes me like 2 hours to get through a chapter because I have to keep rereading stuff. These last few weeks, I've just been skimming through the chapters.

So I think my tooth/jaw thing might be getting better. Now I just have a dull throbbing every once in a while and I can take regular ibuprofen when it gets too bad and it goes away. The only thing that sucks is that when I talk, sing, chew, or just move my jaw too much it irritates it and starts to throb.

I'm so excited for Christmas! First Advent is this Sunday and that means that three more Sundays after this one before Christmas. I can't believe tomorrow is already December 1st. Where did this year go?

We are by Your design signature of divine

This week has been relatively uneventful, seeing as how I have spent most of it drugged and/or sleeping. I've managed to do homework for two classes, and that's only because I had deadlines. Monday I have a final exam in the one that I really dislike, so that will be helpful in getting all my classes taken care of. I can't believe there's only two weeks left in the semester. I'm pretty excited because I only have a final exam in two classes. That paper I had been working on was my final in my Sex Offenders class and in my other class I have a test, but it's only over two chapters and then I'm done! Hooray!

I have a hard time telling if my jaw is getting better. I'm taking antibiotics, the doctor thinks I have TMJ. It still feels swollen compared to the other jaw. I still wake up with pain, though the severe pain bouts are farther between than they were at the beginning of the week. So I guess that's a good sign?

I should be doing homework right now. It's due by 5 and I have to leave here around 2:3oish, and won't be back til probably 4 or so, which doesn't leave enough time to do it afterwards.

It's cloudy outside, and this morning when I took my brother to work (at 5:30!!!!) it was muggy and really foggy. I'm hoping against hope that it's cold outside, even though I know it won't be. Ugh. I hate the weather here. I'm so jealous of all the people who have snow.

I suppose I should do my homework now. I should probably eat something, too. My stomach doesn't feel the hottest and I haven't eaten a real meal since like Saturday or Sunday.

Updates

Oh what a busy weekend I've had. First was the holiday, which was fun, but also created tension which resulted in a huge blowup between me and my parents. I was shuttling my siblings back and forth to work this weekend. My bother went in at 6 a.m. on Saturday and my sister at 9 a.m. Not to mention Friday where my sister went in at 7 a.m. and I decided to do a little shopping, since I had never been on black Friday. I have to say that I was disappointed. The sales weren't really that great, and parking was pretty awful. For the amount of shopping that I was doing, it just wasn't worth it. However, I do plan on going shopping the day after Christmas, because those sales will be worth it. On top of all that, I've developed some kind of infection. I'm not sure if it's a sinus infection or a tooth infection. I know that my tooth throbs. Monday I woke up at 7 to go to the dentist. He told me it was a sinus thing, told me to get sudafed and ibuprofen. So I decided to go see my doctor at the walk in clinic. Instead I got stuck with a physician's assistant who can't write prescriptions for pain pills. So he sent me home with a prescription for Naproxen, claiming that I had irritated a joint in my jaw. This was after I spent the entire night awake because of the pain. Needless to say I was not very happy that I got sent home with no painkillers. Last night I went to the after-hours clinic and the same physician's assistant was there. So I went and got some sudafed, and then did a little more Christmas shopping with my brother. The sudafed helped for a while. It helped with the jaw pain. Now, however, I have a horrible toothache that keeps coming back. I've taken Tylenol and that doesn't seem to help. The only thing that did help was Tylenol P.M. That only afforded me 4 hours of comfortable sleep. So every four hours last night I woke up with a horrible toothache. It feels like my tooth is trying to wiggle it's way out of my mouth. So I have a 2:30 appointment with my doctor. I need antibiotics and painkillers. Good ones. Not something ridiculous like Naproxen, which is just an anti-inflammatory, and the only thing it does is give me stomach problems. So I have two more hours of pain, because I can't take a Tylenol P.M. now and take the chance that I miss my appointment. I had to fight hard for them to squeeze me in. Oh, and did I mention that the entire left cheek is swollen? Yeah, it's great. And the tylenol extra strength isn't working. I can't eat. It sucks. So that's why I haven't been blogging in the past week or so.

hooray for Christmas cards!

Woohoo! I took the time during a CSI:Miami marathon on A&E (woohoo!) to make my Christmas cards. I'm pretty excited about it. I'd post pictures, but some of them are going to people who read this and I don't want to give away the surprise. So there.

Now I'm pretty tired, so I think I'll sleep. Big day tomorrow of eating, and all.

Plus, going shopping Friday morning! It'll be my first excursion on Black Friday. I'm pretty excited about it. I have two gifts to figure out, one to pick up, and I've already gotten one. I have no idea what to get my sister or my dad.

UGH! How am I supposed to sleep when there's a CSI marathon on and I need to catch up?!?!

Stupid feelings.... who needs them?

Do you ever feel unappreciated?

Sometimes I sure do.

I know lately that I haven't really been on top of things when it comes to helping out my mom around the house. What with school and the semi-depression that I was in, I just didn't have it in me to do much around the house.

But my whole life I've always been the one to help my mom. Whether it was by cleaning the house, cooking, whatever. I've been able to cook an entire meal by myself since I was about 10. I'm actually pretty proud of that. It seems these days a lot of girls my age can't even cook for themselves, let alone a family. But that's not the point. The point is, I've always helped my mom out when she needed it.

Just to compare, when I was a senior in high school (and the year after that I still lived at home) I had a job, went to school, and helped out around the house. I cooked pretty much whenever I was home for dinner, I cleaned and did laundry. At the same age, my sister barely takes care of her cat, let alone the rest of the house. So it kinda hurts a little every time one of my parents say that I never do anything around the house. Or when they make little side comments every time I say that I'll do something. Or when they act surprised when they come home and I've cleaned the kitchen. I don't know, maybe I'm just overreacting, but I don't think so. I've even had family members tell me privately that they see how much I do for my parents and how it often goes unnoticed.

Aside from that, every time my mom needs something, she asks me. And I do it. Not that I mind doing it, but at least acknowledge that I do everything she asks me to. When I say something about how their comments suck they just brush it off and act like I'm exaggerating when I say I do everything. Like just now, for example. I'm in my bedroom, with the door shut. Both of my parents are in the living room, and I got called to go turn the air conditioning down, even though they're in there. I get my mom water, her medicine, I run errands for her whenever she asks me, and I rarely complain.

So tonight I made a comment to my dad about how he should help my mom out with the pies tonight because she's making dinner for him tomorrow. When he asked what I was doing tomorrow, and I said that I would be helping my mom out (which I do every year) he laughed and said "yeah... we'll see."

UPDATES!

It feels like FOREVER since I've been here. Ah, well. Only five days.

My professor never did email me back. Turns out she never got my email in the first place. Which is kinda good for me. I got sick of waiting for her (well, after 2 days) so I decided to ask one of my friends what she thought. We deciphered the syllabus, (and by deciphered, I mean I read it like 4o82597529 times and finally found the sentence that told me point blank what type of paper to write) and I felt much better.

Now I'm done with my paper and have submitted it. I should be reading the last two chapters for the test that I have to take tomorrow, but I'll do that tomorrow morning. I've been working on my paper pretty much all weekend, and I need a break. I think the most productive thing I've done all day is walk out to the mailbox and get the mail. Oh, and I gathered supplies (read:took stuff out of my mom's Christmas stash) for my cards. Which I think I'll start this week. It seems like a good time to start. The test tomorrow is the only real productive thing I have to do this week for my classes. Oh, and an assignment for the class I just turned the paper into, but that isn't due until Monday, and the quiz won't post until Wednesday night some time. Plenty of free time this week. In about 30 I have to leave to take my sister to work. I suppose I should make a list of things that I need (I'm going to the dollar store for stuff I don't have for my cards, like glue and random things) and get dressed. Plus I have to stop and get gas, so We may leave earlier than that.

Oh yeah. It's officially the official holiday season. I know this to be true because 1) the mall has extended their hours until 10 and last night I found a radio station that's playing Christmas music.

and WAYYYYYYYYY more importantly, my Michael Buble ticket came in the mail today. SO EXCITED!

Great Expectations

My mom is addicted to crack... in the form of pixie stix.

I'm procrastinating, and waiting for my professor to email me back so I know what kind of paper to write. The last thing I want to do is write a paper and find out that I should have written it a completely different way. That would be awful.

I've also decided that there are a lot of terms/words that get thrown around for no reason. Like "best friends." What is a best friend? Someone that you can tell anything to, feel completely comfortable around, and know that they won't judge you for the things that you've done. Someone who is there for you when you need it. Someone who you can be a complete idiot around and not feel weird.

Hrm.

Not a lot...

Today has been another day of procrastination. I really need to be working on this paper, but I just don't want to. Instead of doing homework today, I cleaned the kitchen and took a nap.

I mean, I guess I could be working on this paper right now, but I'm not. Instead I'm listening to Christmas music and waiting for 8 o'clock. My apple pie will be done then, and Bones will be on.

I went to Publix a little while ago. They had Santa there, and it was ridiculously busy. At like 7.

I'm supposed to be writing a paper on the effects of sex crimes on victims. It's going to be pretty easy, and interesting. Which makes it worse that I'm not doing the research like I should be. Granted, today's homework was just a chapter that I needed to read, but I have to read two of them for that class this week because there's a test on Monday, which also happens to be the day that my paper is due. My paper has to be 6 pages of test, and at least 4 pages of tables and references. Plus, I'm only allowed to use journal articles, and books. Which is just a pain in the butt.

Kind of bored...

I'm always amazed at how my cat can fold himself in half and sleep like that. It looks so uncomfortable.

I got my test done today. I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but I got a B so I guess I'm happy with that. I've also managed to procrastinate the research of my paper for now. Instead I tested out patterns by cutting out snowflakes for my Christmas cards. That was fun.

Now I'm waiting a half hour before CSI starts. I don't know what I'm going to do to pass the time.

Ahhh, procrastination

The enemy has been defeated
And death couldn't hold You down
We're gonna lift our voice in victory
We're gonna make Your praises loud

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
Shout unto God with a voice of praise
Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
We lift Your name up
We lift Your name up

-----------------------------------------

Another Hillsong United song. This one is called "Shout Unto God" I hear a lot of controversy about the church, but no one can argue that this worship band is awesome.



Anyway. I just found out that I have a test due tomorrow. I thought it was due Wednesday for some reason. Oh well. I got half of the work done. Now I just have to read the last two chapters and take the last test in this section. The goal is to have it done by 8 so I can watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition.

This weekend was a strange one. My brother turned 21 yesterday. I also happened to be home by myself for most of the day. I'm pretty sure I had a minor breakdown. It resulted in a nap, because there's nothing else that will work. On top of that, the wireless router decided to stop working, and it just happened to coincide with the weekend that my dad was out of town. I tried everything I knew, and when that didn't work I called the cable company to see if maybe something was wrong on their end. The tech guy tried to help, but to no avail. So all I could do was use an Ethernet cable, so we were down to one computer. Luckily my dad fixed it when he got home today, but last night I was without because I let my sister use my computer. I do like it when my parents go out of town because I get to sleep in their bed. It's a king size and sooooooo comfortable.

On top of that, I got Michael Buble tickets! It was one of my Christmas presents. I'm so excited. He comes in February.

Today was the warmest it's been this week. It was in the 80s, and I hated it. At least it wasn't humid.

Okay, well I need to get started reading and I'm hungry.

Ahh, procrastination.

Saviour King by Hillsong

And now the weak say I have strength
By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead
And now the poor stand and confess
That my portion is He and I'm more than blessed

Let now our hearts burn with a flame
a fire consuming all for Your son's Holy name
And with the Heavens we declare
You are our King

We love you Lord
we worship you
You are our God
You alone are good

Let now your church shine as the bride
That you saw in your heart as you offered up your life
Let now the lost be welcomed home
By the saved and redeemed those adopted as your own

*Let now our hearts burn with a flame
a fire consuming all for Your Son's Holy name
and with the Heavens we declare you are our King

We love you Lord
we worship you
You are our God
you alone are good

You asked your son to carry this
the heavy cross our weight of sin

I love you Lord
I worship You
Hope which was lost
now stands renewed

I give my life
to honor this
the love of Christ
the Saviour King*

*repeat*

Hear it here.

Contemplations

I love this weather. It's so beautiful. All the doors and windows are open, and I'm sitting outside with my computer just enjoying the cold.

I decided not to do the choir thing. I think it was a good decision.

I got a lot done in the house today. I cleaned the front room, the kitchen (except the dishes), and the family room. I set up my mom's favorite cookbooks in a place where she can get to them easily. I hung the curtains she wanted hung up, and took down the valance that she didn't like. And then I helped my brother hang two cube shelves that she's had since Mother's Day and never got hung up.

I'm very contemplative now, and it's odd. I was clearing out some old stuff on one of my blogs and found some stuff that I had forgotten about. Rather, I found someone else's blog that I had forgotten about. It brought back a lot of weird memories. I had no emotions about it though. I suppose that's good. Means I've moved on, right?

Another one of my friends got engaged yesterday. This is madness. This is now like 11 couples I know that are either married or engaged and aren't even 25 yet.

Michael Buble is coming in February and I'm so excited. I think my parents are getting me tickets for Christmas. HOORAY!

And then Bon Jovi is coming the day after my birthday. DOUBLE HOORAY!

I'm home alone and it's kinda weird. I've been home alone pretty much all day. During the day is pretty normal, though. I don't hate it, I don't think. It's nice to have some time to myself tonight. Other than I'm going to have to miss Grey's Anatomy because my sister needs to be picked up from work and my brother is at his friend's house.

This weather makes me wish it snowed here. I miss the snow.

Everybody needs a little loving around Christmas time

So I called, and told the temp agency that I can't take the job. I feel pretty good about that decision. I called Bath and Body Works, and the manager isn't in today. So I'm going to call back on Friday and see if she's in. And if she's not, I'm going to stop by on Saturday when I take my sister to work and see if she's there. I still haven't decided about the choir. My issue isn't so much with the choir as it is with the church.

I almost didn't make it this morning. I considered sleeping in. I kind of wanted to. I didn't, though. I got up and did my quiet time. I'm glad I did. They say it takes three weeks to build a habit, so here's to hoping.

Decisions need to be made

So, after talking to my parents and figuring some stuff out, I'm not too sure about this job. It's not an hour away, but it's not 15 minutes either. It's going to take over a half a tank of gas every weekend to get there. For the money that I'll be making, it wouldn't be worth it for the time spent driving back and forth. Aside from that, I wouldn't be making very much money after taxes, gas money, food money, etc. It wouldn't be enough for what I want. Not to mention it interferes with church. I wouldn't be able to go on either days. Plus, I find it really odd that it took hours after I called for her to figure out that the spot wasn't filled. I think it was filled and that person went in and got all the information and turned it down.

Something else came up today. About two months ago, I filled out a little card saying that I'd be interested in being in the adult choir for the Christmas extravaganza thing that they have. Well I never heard from anyone. Until tonight. There's a meeting tomorrow night, and then a three or four hour practice on Sunday. The thing is, I don't go to the church, really. I don't feel comfortable there, and I don't know if I want to do it anymore.

Ugh. Decisions. I think tomorrow I'm going to call the temp agency and tell them that I can't do it. Then I'm going to call Bath and Body Works. I put an application in there on Monday for the Holiday season. So hopefully the manager is there and I can get an interview.

Still undecided about the choir thing.

God is faithful to the faithful

It's only Tuesday and I'm already seeing an improvement.

I'm two days into my third week of doing my quiet time every day. Even the weekends! This is the second day where I haven't slept in, and even though I'm sleeping less, I feel better. I have more energy, and I've been able to concentrate enough to get two classes done this week. Well, it's the work I should have done this week, but still! I did last week's work and this week's work in one of them, so I count it. I'm not feeling sluggish, and I was even motivated enough today to make a pot roast. It smells delicious!

But even better than that, I got a job! Yesterday I got a call from the temp agency for a receptionist job on Saturday and Sunday (every weekend for a while.) Thinking that the town was farther away than it really is I turned it down. After finding out that the town is only 15 minutes away (not an hour like I thought) I felt awful. I was sure that they had found someone else to do it. This morning I called and was told that they had filled the position. So I was bummed, but I figured at least I tried. Then a few hours later I got a phone call and the woman told me that they hadn't filled the position and it was still open if I want it. So tomorrow I have to go in and get all the information, and have a meeting with her boss. So I'm pretty excited about that. It still leaves me enough time to take care of my classes, but I get a little extra money!

So yeah. Sadly, tomorrow is the last day of the nice cool, not humid weather. At least for about a week (I hope.) Some cold front is moving through, but the temperatures for the weekend are in the 80s. Not very autumn-like. Also I just don't like it.

Oh, and I'm slightly envious of you people that have snow. Or temperatures below 70 during the day. Send me some!

I have no title...

I feel so lazy.

Not lazy in the way that I sat around all day and did nothing, because today that's not true. I was gone for a couple of hours, then I got home and did some things around here.

The laziness I feel is more deep seated than that. It's the kind where I sleep way longer than I should, I have no motivation to do anything anymore. I'm even letting my classes slip. I've been looking at my notes from the past few weeks, and it seriously looks like I just skimmed through the readings and wrote down random things. Which is pretty much what I've been doing. In one class I've even stopped reading everything, and when I take a quiz I just open the articles that I'm supposed to be reading and search through them when the questions come up. It's basically cheating. It's not how I want to pass my class.

I realized today that I have been completely out of it for a while now. My mom keeps making little comments about how I don't do anything, ever. She'll ask me to do something for her and I'll make excuses not to. Then I get mad at her when she tells me that I don't do anything that she asks me to. It's true, though. And I think that's what makes me mad. I wish I could figure out how to not be so lazy. I don't have the self discipline, apparently, to do it on my own. And I don't really have anyone to keep me accountable to it. Whats worse is that I don't even really feel like I have a reason to do it. Maybe that's what I need?


On a much more positive note, I'm so excited because it's finally getting cooler! The temperature tonight is supposed to be in the high 50's. The humidity has dropped pretty much completely, and the weather has been so beautiful the past few days. I love it!

Especially for Heiresschild

She had expressed interest in making her own Christmas cards. So I figured instead of leaving a ridiculously long (and detailed) series of comments on her blog, I'd just write out a post instead. That way other people can enjoy it. Keep in mind, this is just how I'm doing mine. There are a hundred different ways to make it, depending on how creative you want to get and how much money you want to spend. For inspiration, I peruse the Craftster boards and look at other people's cards. (Specifically the paper boards) In case you were wondering, I absolutely love that site. Okay. so here goes.

a list of supplies:

• cardstock (you can get this at walmart in the aisle where you'd find printer paper and all that. 100 sheets for 5 bucks. That's good considering 1 sheet makes one card!) Just take one sheet, and fold it in half like a card.
  
• Christmas templates. I just google searched (on images) different Christmas things (candy canes, trees, stars, etc) for templates and bookmarked the ones I liked the best. Then I will print them out and use them to trace onto colored paper (you can get any) and glue onto the card. You can get all fancy and get stamps to make letters, but I think I'm just going to print out greetings onto the cardstock (they can go through the printer!) If you google search "greeting card template" it will show you how to print your own greeting cards. Some people are pretty tech savvy and will design their card on the computer, but I like to be crafty.
• I also have tissue paper that I'm considering using as a background (kind of like a church window type of thing?)
  
• I also have a bunch of old Christmas cards that I might cut up and use on my cards.
  
• For envelopes, you can go out and buy a bunch. Or you could look online and find out how to make your own. Personally (because it's the easiest) I'm going to go to Goodwill and see if I can find boxes of greeting cards and buy them and use the envelopes that they come with.
  
• You can use colored pencils or markers (if you're decent at drawing, which I'm not so much) or stamps.
  

I think that's pretty much it. If you go to the craftster site, just type in the search box Christmas cards and see what comes up. It's pretty amazing some of the things people make!

What started out as a coherent post turned into rambling....

The first day of November. 54 days until Christmas.

I went two days ago and bought the cardstock for my Christmas cards. Now I just need to get a few more things and I can start making my cards. I think I'm gonna go to Goodwill this weekend (or maybe tomorrow) and see if I can't find a bunch of old Christmas cards (for the envelopes). Plus I need to go to the dollar store and pick up some glue sticks. I can't find mine. I also need to make a list of everyone I'm sending a card to. That way I know how many I need to make. I want to get them in the mail about 3 weeks before Christmas. Maybe 2.

I'm ready for it to be cold already. It's supposed to be 83 degrees today. That's just ridiculous.

I finally did some homework today. That was a good feeling. The only class I had anything due in this week. I got 100% on the test. Plus I emailed one of my professors with suggestions for improving his class, and that got me 2% extra on my final grade. That's pretty cool.

It's pretty funny that my friends are just now starting to listen to Christmas music and I have been for about 3 weeks now.

Burritos are not a good idea for breakfast. I'm still tasting them, even after brushing my teeth.

My brother turns 21 this month. That's a weird feeling. Probably weirder for my parents.

my cat is freakin' cute.

I found the retainers that I'm supposed to be wearing! Now my teeth won't be ruined. hooray.

Yeah. I guess that's all I've got for now.

Smoke on the water

hooray for making your own Christmas cards. Not so much for superficial conversations. Maybe it's just me, but I thought that when you asked someone how they were doing, it was to find out how they are. Not to start a conversation about yourself. Here's just a bit of advice: if you're friends with someone, talking about yourself every single time you talk to that person gets old. Fast. It also makes that person not want to be your friend.

I'm just saying, is all.

This week should be busy for me, but I'm not doing what I need to be doing. Well, not what I need to be doing, but what I should be doing. I haven't done my homework the past two days. Not stuff that's due this week, that's tomorrow and the day after. But chapters that need to be read, notes that need to be taken, that sort of thing.

Anyway. Now I'm watching CSI and then I'm going to sleep. Need to be up relatively early in the morning. I've got quite a few things going on tomorrow. Filling bags of candy to hand out to the trick or treaters, homework, taking my sister to work, and I need to start doing research on my paper or read the chapters that I haven't read in the past two days. Haven't figured out which yet.

mmmmmmmm cake.

There isn't anything that bothers me more than someone who acts like my friend and pretends like they're interested in my life when they really aren't. I knew when this friendship started that it was not going to be a lifelong friendship. I knew that I was put in her life to be a good friend to her. I knew that she wasn't going to be one of the good friends that I needed and that I would not be able to confide in her. What bothers me is that after not hearing from her for months (I'm talking something like four months) she all of a sudden decides that she's going to pretend like it's no big deal. She's asking about my life like she's interested. But actions speak louder than words, and asking about what's been going on doesn't make up for the four months where I didn't hear from her at all. It just bothers me is all. It's not that I think she's necessarily being fake, I just think that she's trying to be my friend when she really isn't.

So I turned on the tv around 7:15ish and just happened to catch Barack Obama's open forum on MTV. I'm not really sure how I feel about him. Honestly I don't know how he stands on the issues that are important to me. That's probably because I'm being pretty lazy right now and haven't been researching the candidates and where they stand. I have to say, though, one thing that really impresses me about him is that he seems to be the only candidate who is concerned with the younger population of voters. I like that he is not ashamed of his faith and doesn't try to push it into the background. I really need to get all my information together and figure out who I'm going to support. Plus, although we aren't even to the primaries yet, there's only about a year until the election and time is flying!

So, aside from Saturday, I've been doing my quiet time every day. Right now I'm working on not having any expectations so I won't be disappointed. It's kind of difficult, but I'm working on it. Plus, for some reason I have a hard time being quiet for so long. Working on that, too.

Random thought: I want cake.

When I'm so fake, does Your heart ache?

This song speaks volumes.
(click for lyrics)


A conversation with a friend has gotten me thinking. It was actually the first time in a while that I've had a semi-in depth conversation concerning my quiet time with anyone. She quoted Isaiah 30:21 which states "Your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, "this is the way, walk in it." Whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left." I realized that I've never heard such a voice. What's worse is that I'm not sure I would recognize if it I were to hear it. I don't know how to hear it. I feel like I'm that child that just doesn't get it and God is the parent that gets so frustrated. He must be up there going "are you serious? I've told you a million times." I just don't get it. This makes me worry that I'm not going the right way, and I wouldn't even know what the right way is. Then we talked about how this past weekend made me realize that I only come to God when it's convenient for me, when I feel empty or when I'm in trouble. And I've been working on that this past week. That got us talking about my quiet time. I feel like I'm doing it wrong. Is that even possible? I have this expectation of what's "supposed" to happen, and when it doesn't I get discouraged. I don't know where this expectation came from. I think that maybe I just built it up based on what other people say theirs is like. I know that it's different for everyone because everyone's relationship is different, but when nothing happens I get lost because I have no idea what to do. I think I may have made it more difficult on myself, reading all kinds of different devotionals and what they claim the "best formula" is. It's weird because I feel like my quiet time shouldn't follow a formula, but then without it I'm at a loss as to what to do. I feel like this is the reason that I'm not getting anything out of it. I have such a desire to get something out of it, to build this awesome relationship, I just have no idea how to achieve it. And I feel like it's even harder because I don't have anyone that I talk to about it. I have no idea where to go from here. My expectations, I feel, are blocking me from what should be an awesome experience. I don't know how to get past them.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

If it's true that God is faithful to the faithful then I'm excited about the days to come. This week I have been doing my quiet time every day. (the true test will come over the weekend when I seem to have the hardest time with it) I'm really feeling a difference. I feel more relaxed. I'm actually doing better in my classes! Even though my attention span this week has been shorter than normal. Yesterday I got a 95 on a test in my Sex Offenders class.

I've decided that at this point there's no reason for me to get a job. I'm leaving in like 2 months. I applied for temporary positions, but so far nothing has worked out. I'm thinking that it's going to be better for me to focus on my classes and on getting good grades. The only thing that's going to suck is not having any money come Christmas time. I'm trying to figure out a way to make that not happen.

Anyway. Today has turned out not bad. My grandparents left about an hour or so ago. So I got my bedroom back, which is great. I got to enjoy some alone time for a while, but then my dad came home early. I have no idea what the plan is for this weekend. Hopefully we'll get to do some stuff with my car.

Anyway. That's all I got for now I guess.

I need a strong drink and a coma.

It's amazing what you can accomplish with sheer adrenaline. Today I woke up, tired like I've never been with the worst cramps in the world. I couldn't move they were so bad. Luckily I keep Midol on my headboard for emergencies such as this. Not five minutes after I woke up I got a phone call from my mother. She was calling to tell me that my grandparents were coming for a visit and were less than an hour away. Oh, and that the house needed to be cleaned ASAP. I wanted to cry. It was just my sister and I and I couldn't ask her to do everything by herself. So here I am in pain and cranky. I had to force myself out of bed. Well the house got cleaned (in record time, I might add) but still no sign of the grandparents. Turns out they're now 40 minutes away. They've decided to take their time and stop at a few little places here and there. They're going to be a while. Meanwhile, it's been a few hours since the house needed to be cleaned. I could have slept through the cramps and still had time to clean! How frustrating. Then, on top of that, my bedroom was volunteered for them to stay in. So now I've been kicked out of my comfortable place! Of all the days!

I am pretty proud though. I managed to take a little time before cleaning to do my quiet time. Perhaps that's what got me through!

Nicotine is just about as toxic as cyanide.

So today has actually turned out not to be that bad.

Well, after I got sick from the stress that I had put myself under. Before that, I was a mess! Alls well that ends well, I hear. I finished studying for my test and got a B. Which means that right now I have a B average in the class. I'm pretty happy with that, though I'd like to turn it into an A if possible. Today is also the second day that I've successfully done my quiet time. I think that's making a huge difference. I actually felt 100% less stressed afterwards.

I also managed to get in a couple yoga poses between studying and my test. I think that helped my muscles to not be so tense.

Part of the reason that I was stressed was because I thought I was behind in my classes, but it turns out I'm not. I'm actually right on schedule. I'd like to be a little bit ahead, but I worry that if I do that then I'll think that I'm more ahead than I actually am and then cause myself to fall behind. I can be lazy like that.

Anyway. We're having tacos for dinner and I'm pretty excited about that.

People piss me off

I'm really pissed off about this weekend, and I need to vent. I'm angry at my friend for treating me the way that she did. If I had known that this weekend was going to be more for her to meet this guy she met online than to spend time with me (we haven't seen each other in MONTHS) than I wouldn't have gone. She was gone the night that some guy tried to climb in my hotel window. She had left to hook up with the guy she met. Mind you, he lives in Japan and was on leave and flew down here to meet her. That fact was told to me while we were already on our way. I didn't know the entire weekend would go around him. Again Saturday night, she invited him along to the amusement park, which might not have been so bad had I not felt like a third wheel the whole time. Not to mention the part where they both made fun of Christians. Him I just attribute that to being a jerk, but she should have known better. After that she left me again to go hook up with him. I didn't see her until it was time to check out of the hotel. Then, she acts as if somehow she's all affected by the fact that some guy tried to climb in our hotel window. SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE!!! The whole weekend, all we talked about was her and this guy. How she wasn't sure that it was going to go anywhere, but she had sex with him anyway. Then all of a sudden it turned into "maybe he could be the one." By the time I got home I was so sick of her voice that I was relieved that she had let me have some time to myself when she left to sleep with him. Then! She had the nerve to turn my plan into moving after graduation into her plan also. And guess who she's going to be living with? According to her, me. Well I don't think so. I think that the whole reason she invited me this weekend was to use me as an excuse to her family as to why she was going away for the weekend. Because after the incident Friday night, she called her grandmother and made a whole deal out of crying and saying she was scared and that we were switching hotels. Then on Sunday she tries telling me that she didn't sleep with him. She just "fell asleep" in his hotel room. Yeah right. She said that sleeping with him would be a bad idea seeing as how they just met, and that she wouldn't have left me to sleep with him because she was a better friend than that. That's what pisses me off the most! Because she did leave me to sleep with him, she later admitted it! Just be honest with me. UGH.

I feel better.

MMMMMMm Teegeback

This weekend was a good mix of decisions, some bad, most good. But it was definitely an experience. It's always a weird feeling when you feel, yet again, that you and your friends are in different stages of life. Then there are friends where you wonder what you were ever thinking. That was sort of the case this weekend. When she and I first became friends, I was still into partying and she was just the friend to do it with. I realized this weekend that she's still into it, and I'm not. Did you ever have that friend that after some time apart, you started to miss, and then you spend some time together and you just get so annoyed that you realize why you don't spend more time together? Yup. That was my weekend. Aside from that, though, the trip itself was pretty fun. Well, most of it. Friday night (well saturday morning around 5:30) I woke up to see a hand moving the curtain of my hotel room. Yeah, that pretty much put any chance of sleeping to rest. So I spent the better part of 2 hours dealing with the hotel staff (who was fantastic about everything) and the cops. The hotel comped our stay and put us up at another hotel Saturday night for free. A much nice hotel in a much nicer part of town. Saturday night we spent 6 hours at an amusement park. Sleeping after that was bliss. Then today we slowly made our way home. I'm relieved to be home, though. I miss sleeping in my bed when I'm gone. When I got home, my mom had baked my favorite Christmas cookies! What a great way to come home. I could smell them as soon as I opened the door. It was fantastic. I'm actually eating them as I type this! So I was lucky this weekend, in a lot of ways. God was really watching out for me. It actually made me rethink a lot of things. The Bible says that God is faithful to the faithful. Well that certainly must be true, because I haven't been very faithful, but God has! It's an eye-opener, I tell you what.

So this week I'm really going to make an effort. I have a lot of homework to do, I have a research paper that I really need to get started on and tomorrow I have a test to study for and then take on Tuesday. Right now I'm just spending some time with my family. Oh, I came home to the news that my brother had moved home. So that'll be interesting. I guess that's all I've got for now.

why do I make bad decisions?

Random....

so, I got my homework done on time. Early, actually. So that was a relief. Now I just have to read the chapter and take notes. And I had time to go shopping, and picked up a delicious hamburger helper type meal. It was much better than I expected it to be. I just finished watching Private Practice and now I'm watching Grey's Anatomy. I'm so glad that ABC puts their shows online. This is really the only night, other than Law And Order: SVU on Tuesday nights, where I am able to watch the shows when they're on tv. Otherwise I watch the online. Haha. Just kidding. I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and then Desperate Housewives on Sunday nights. So that makes Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays.

Mmmm. I have gummi bears to keep me company. So delicious.

Oh man. I'm so excited about this weekend. Halloween fun, roller coasters, and margaritas! What could be better? Oh, haha. Just in case you're worried, I'm not mixing margaritas with Halloween fun and roller coasters. I don't think that'd end too well. But I will disappear off the radar from tomorrow afternoon(ish) until Sunday.


Have I mentioned that I hate commercials?

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Other Christmas albums I recommend:

• Dave Koz - A Smooth Jazz Christmas (fantastic!)
  
• Il Divo - The Christmas Collection
• Kenny G - okay well he has like 5. get them all. Seriously. (even if you do it the illegal way) JUST KIDDING! or am I?
  

Once again, I'm procrastinating. Oh well. The only thing that sucks about that is that today's class is pretty involved. I have a case profile in the beginning of the chapter to read. Then I have to read the chapter. This is pretty boring stuff, plus I have to take notes. Along the way, I have to answer questions about the case profile using information I've "learned" from the chapter. The professor is a hard grader, too. So that just makes it involved. But I've got dinner planned out! Yay for that.

Ah! So my mom just called me to tell me that I needed to go shopping for dinner. On one hand, this is good because it means I don't need to cook. I can pick up something easy for dinner. On the other hand, I already had dinner planned! Oh well. Such is life. At least in my house.

And my homework is kicking my butt. It needs to be submitted by 5, and I've got 25 pages (of the most boring stuff) to read and take notes on. Plus 5 questions to answer that are detailed and will take a ridiculous amount of time and BS to answer. Hooray for college! I think I'm going to just read the case profile, answer the questions using the stuff on the page that they're on, and do the actual reading later. It is going to take me at least 3 hours to get ALL of this done with how boring the text is and how involved the questions are. One of them involves creating my own prevention program and all the things that entails. Ugh. I hate this class.

Oh, and I've managed to narrow down my 4 favorite Christmas songs.

1. Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Little Drummer Boy (I especially like the version by Bing Crosby and David Bowie)
3. Silver Bells
4. Baby, It's Cold Outside (only the version by Leon Redbone and Zooey Deschanel.)

This is why I can't focus on my homework. My attention span is getting shorter and shorter as the minutes go by. Ah well. It makes for entertaining blogs.

A bunch of thoughts.... this may not be very cohesive

Ugh. Let me just start off by saying that I hate PMS. I'm all hot and cranky. Not to mention the only one home with the puppy, which means that she's extra aggravating today. Plus, I'm tired. Not a good combination, I must say. And I didn't start thinking about what to make for dinner until it was too late.

I'm so excited about this weekend. I could really use a break and a chance to get to go out with people my own age who actually enjoy the things that I do. I'm leaving on Friday afternoon(ish) and coming back Sunday. It should be a good time.

I feel very A.D.D. I have a lot of things that I want to do (not today, obviously.) Ideas that are swirling around in my head. I want to make my own Christmas cards this year. I think that could be fun. Plus, I want to get the speakers fixed in my car. Right now only one works, which is great because at least one works, but it'd be fantastic if all of them worked. There's other stuff, but I can't think of it at the moment.

Oh. I got a bunch of Christmas songs by Diana Krall, thinking that I'd like her. I don't. I don't particularly care for her voice, and her style is so strange. Someone told me that she was like Ella Fitzgerald. She's not.

I have a feeling this winter (haha funny joke) is going to be really warm. That makes me sad.

I have been spending a lot of time over at craftster (again!) and it makes me want to get out my needles and hooks and crochet and knit. Too bad it's too freakin' hot for that.

I love Ella Fitzgerald's Christmas album. I mean, I knew I would, but still.

Facebook got a Pacman application, and I love it.

I've decided that I'm getting a kitten, not a puppy, when I do get my own place. They're a lot less work.

I was very surprised to find out that Harry Connick Jr is a pretty good singer.

Mmk. I think I'm done.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.... just like the ones I used to know

Ugh. Homework sucks the energy out of me. At least I got it done today! Listened to Christmas music pretty much the whole time. That was pretty cool. Except for the first little while I listened to Michael Buble. Now I keep meaning to see if I can get any of Billie Holiday's Christmas stuff.

Oh, and I decided this year I'm going to make my own Christmas cards. 'Cause yeah, it's cooler. Or something. Other than the fact that I'm kinda tired, today has been pretty good. Nothing to complain about. I wonder what's on tv tonight. Hmm maybe I'm tired because I didn't sleep well last night. That might explain it.

I'm very disappointed with the weather. The forecast for the next 10 days is in the low 90s. Unacceptable! Don't these people know it's autumn (I've determined that's much more fitting than "fall") and it's supposed to cool off?! Maybe I should write a letter. I'll let ya know how that goes.

Mmk. Back to Craftster I go.

Hooray for self-indulgence!

Today was definitely a day of self indulgence for me. Something that I find myself doing less and less lately. I got the opportunity to spend some time with my sister, so we went out for dinner and did a little bit of shopping. I managed to pick up for myself a really cute camera case. I needed one for my digital camera. I don't want the screen getting scratched, but I need something that will fit in my purse with all my stuff. And then bonus! The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet was on sale. I'm watching it now. I love this movie. Plus, it doesn't hurt that it's a Christmas-y movie. Then I got that urge to clean, and so I cleaned my bedroom. Not only that, but now everything is organized, I threw away crap I didn't need, and managed to get my bookshelf looking decent. That's pretty exciting. Now all I need is to light a candle, and I'll feel better. I'm just too lazy to get up. It'll happen eventually. Or not at all. Whatever.

mmm wine and good music

I like the freedom of writing. Sometimes it just feels good to write with no set purpose. I'm thankful for an outlet that lets me do that. I'm also thankful for the (relative) anonymity of this blog. With the exception of a handful of people, no one that I know reads this. That gives me freedom to talk about things that I wouldn't discuss with just anyone. I can be honest, and I don't feel that I have to pretend for the sake of other people or to "save face." I'm thankful for that, too.

I've noticed that a lot of people who blog do it with purpose. There are political blogs, entertainment blogs, people who consider themselves experts on one thing or another and they blog about that. There are blogs on knitting, scrapbooking, music and movies. For a while I struggled with the "purpose" of my blog. I thought that the reason for it was to get a billion people to read my blog. I felt that somehow that validated me. But now, I'm kind of glad that I don't have that many people. It would be overwhelming, and I would feel pressure to live up to some sort of standards.

Anyway. That was just a lot of rambling. I'm in a pretty mellow mood tonight. Not a whole lot going on. I've strayed from Christmas music for the moment, and I'm listening to a playlist in iTunes that is titled "mellow." It's mosty jazz music, but there's also a few vocals thrown in here and there that are calming. I managed to get through today without doing any homework. But thats okay, because I'm not behind like I thought I was. I'm actually doing pretty well. I thought that I had stuff due next week that isn't due until the week after, so that's a huge relief.

Here's to hoping that a good glass of wine will help me sleep better. The last couple of nights I've had a hard time sleeping.

Oh and this might be TMI but I pretty much don't care. I know I'm gonna start my period because I was in a cleaning frenzy today. And I can tell that I will be tomorrow too. It always happens the week before I start. Lucky me.

Since I'm in the spirit

I decided that it would be a good idea (and a good way to procrastinate) to make a list of some of my favorite Christmas albums, along with favorite song on the album. Oh yes, I am a model student.

• Michael Buble - Let It Snow (of course!)
• White Christmas
• Relient K - Deck The Halls, Bruise Your Hand
• 12 Days of Christmas
• Third Day - Christmas Offerings
• Do You Hear What I Hear?
• Ella Fitzgerald - Ella Wishes You A Swinging Christmas
• Sleigh Ride
• Harry Connick Jr. - Harry For The Holidays
• Nothin' New for New Year (I know it's sad, oh well!)
• Hanson - Snowed In (don't laugh! it's good!)
• Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

There are also a lot of artists that don't have Christmas albums (shame on them!) or songs I like that aren't on any particular albums.

• The Drifters - White Christmas
• Jessica Simpson - What Christmas Means To Me
  
• Audio Adrenaline - Little Drummer Boy
• Copeland - Do You Hear What I Hear?
• Bing Crosby w/ David Bowie - Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth
• The Darkness - Christmas Time
• Pedro The Lion - I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day
• Leon Redbone & Zooey Deschanel - Baby It's Cold Outside (my second favorite song!)
• Hellogoodbye - Winter Wonderland
• Flyleaf - Do You Hear What I Hear? (my favorite Christmas song)
• Rob Thomas - New York City Christmas
• The Ronettes - Sleigh Ride
• Spoken - Mary Did You Know

Of course, it just wouldn't be good Christmas music without Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, and the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Plus, I like instrumental stuff, like Dave Koz and Kenny G.

yeah. I'm weird. Whatever.

hooray for shoes!

I've decided that tomorrow is the day. My away message says this:
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of here, I'm tired of the weather
I think I need a new town
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice.
But I don't want to have to wait for my new life to start. So tomorrow is the day that I do it. There's so many things that I want this to mean. This includes organizing my life, not being so down on this blog, working out, eating better, doing well in my classes, and moving away from friendships that were holding me back.

Anyway. I'm really excited about this.

And I just have to say that I'm envious of cute girls with cute shoes (read:kara) who's boyfriends bring them presents from Italy!

hooray!

Oh man. I'm so excited I can barely contain it!

By July of 2009, I will be a resident of Connecticut. Well, hopefully. That's the date that I have in mind. It might be as late as September or October, but definitely within two years from now I want to be there. If I didn't have a year of school left, it would be within a year from now. But I'm so excited! I'm moving up there with a close friend. Two years gives me enough time to finish school, save up money, and find a law school up there that I want to go to. Oh, and study and take the LSATs.

I'm more sure of this than I am of law school. Which is exciting because that means it's going to happen!

is it possible?

So apparently I have a tendency not to want anything half-hearted. I guess that's the best way to put it. For the past couple of days, all I can think about is how I miss the changing of the seasons and how I can't wait to be done with school so I can figure out a way to move up north. I'm even thinking about going to law school somewhere else. It doesn't help that on one of the forums that I love (random fact about me: I love to craft), everyone is now starting to work on and show off all the cold weather stuff (scarves, hats, sweaters, etc...) I just realized that the desire to live somewhere else is just as strong as the desire to go to Italy. I will do both. It's just a matter of when. I wonder how much it costs to live somewhere else as opposed to here... Perhaps in an effort to keep this at bay, I will crochet a lapgan. Ha. That makes me sound like an old lady. Whatever. I always did get funny stares from people when they saw me knitting. One guy even told me that it was for grandmothers. Stupid people.

Other than that, today is a relatively boring day. I'm getting all my stuff together for this week. I have a lot of homework that needs to get done. Plus I think I'm going to find some devo's online and print them out until I can find a book.

I can't believe I'm actually seriously considering this.

mmmmm cookies

So this is going to reveal the strangeness that is my family, but I don't care. I love my family, and yes they're strange, but so am I.

My mom is baking (hooray!) and we're listening to Christmas music.

Yes, you read that right. Christmas music. Meanwhile, it's like 95 degrees outside. Unbearably hot. I wish it would cool down. She has also decided to order LL Bean catalogs. Yesterday I posted about kind of missing the changing of the seasons, but today it hit me hard. I miss it really badly. The catalog has all kinds of winter stuff in it, and seeing the beautiful pictures of the snow made me miss it terribly. I suddenly realized that there's no way I could live here for the rest of my life. Aside from the fact that the cost of living is pretty high, it's all one season practically. Two, if you really want to be technical. That's not the point. I realized today that I don't want to live here. Once I'm done with college, I think I'm going to look into moving somewhere a little north of here. If you had asked me 7 years ago when I moved here if I would ever miss it up north, I would have laughed at you. I honestly thought I wouldn't, but now I do. It's weird. What's worse is that this is the only thing that I'm positively for sure of about what I want to do after college. Law school scares the bejeebus out of me.

Great Expectations

We are coming up on what might possibly be my favorite season. Unfortunately, here we don't have the changing of the leaves. When I lived up north, I was a lot younger and didn't appreciate the beauty of the changing of the seasons. Now that I live in a climate where this change is drastically different (and less noticeable) I find myself missing the changing of the colors, and the smell of fall. Living up north, we had a farm. The house was heated by a furnace, not central heating. So that meant that we had to cut wood, and stack it in the basement. I don't miss the heavy labor involved, but I do miss the smell of burning wood. Here, all we really get is the dropping of the temperature. Which is nice, don't get me wrong. It's just not the same. I really am excited, though, about the cooler weather. I'm especially excited about the holidays. They've always been a big deal in my family. We go all out with decorations and stuff. The best part, though, is all the baking that gets done in my house. That's another smell I associate with fall, is all the baking that gets done. Yeah, I'm pretty sure October-January is my favorite time of year. I can't wait until it cools off enough to where I can start knitting stuff again. It's just too warm the rest of the year.

I think I'll go to Boston, I think I'll start a new life.

Ahh the comforts of home. There's just something about being home. I love it. Not that I didn't love being back with everyone for a week, but it was strange. Anyway.

I'm really having a hard time with my quiet time. I was supposed to be looking for a new devo, and my friend and I were going to do them together and kind of compare. That hasn't been working out because we haven't found a book. I, however, have found quite a few books that I want to try, so I think I'm going to try doing it on my own again. I was doing so well for a while, and I just stopped again. I really need to get back into this. I'm starting to see the consequences again in other areas of my life. I'm sleeping a lot, again. My homework is getting done, but not in the time frame that I'd like. So I might order the book online, I have a discount with Borders from my membership, so I think I'm gonna get it from there. Aww. I can't use my discount online. That makes me sad.

Anyway. Even if I can't get the book right away, I'm gonna try getting back into the routine I had going for what, a week? It was better than nothing. I just have to have the self discipline to stick with it.

Oh, and apparently I'm going to start working out. This is what I'm telling myself. HA! We'll see. My friend hast lost 8 pounds by doing sit ups and eating healthier. That's what I want to do. Plus, I would like to be able to work a couple days a week, if this temp agency would just find me something!

headaches and rain

So tonight's pretty crazy. We have a flash flood warning. Makes me glad I decided not to drive home tonight. I love the rain, though. So it all works out.

I'm pretty tired though. I think I'm gonna go to sleep soon. I'm starting to get a headache.

I thought I had something to say, but I guess I was wrong. Oh well. I'm feeling a lot better about stuff.

Family guy cracks me up.

Ahh..... clarity

I'm so thankful for friends that I can confide in, and who will give me advice. I'm also grateful that I can talk to my parents about what's going on. I was able to talk to my dad a little bit today about the things that I've been faced with the past couple of days. Even though he didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know, or hadn't already heard, he did reinforce a lot of the things that I have been thinking. He also pointed out things that I had thought about but didn't really give any weight to. Since talking to him, I have felt so much better about things. I realize now that this is just a part of maturing and moving on.

Honestly, I feel relieved. I'm ready to move into a more professional part of my life. I realize now that this means getting rid of some of the things (and people) that were holding me back.

so true

courtesy of Post Secret

Growing Pains

Maturing is a difficult situation. I guess that's the right word for it? i don't even know. It's a strange feeling when you feel as if you're outgrowing your peers. I mean, it really wouldn't be the first time in my life, I guess. I've always been a little more mature than my peers. But now it's a different situation. I think living at home has really propelled me into the "young professional" mode. It's something that I actually find myself enjoying. I love getting all dressed up, and I'm excited about the kind of work atmosphere that I'm finding myself in with the types of jobs that I'm getting into.

I don't know. I'm just in a weird place. I find myself not having much in common with the people that I used to. There are a few people here that I don't feel that with, and for that I'm grateful. But it's hard when one of them is moving away at the same time that I'm moving back and the other is engaged and has a busy schedule. This is sort of presenting an issue for me (mostly when I move back) because the things that I enjoy doing are not the things that other people I know enjoy doing. I like going out for drinks, which is one of the biggest things because most of the people that I hang out with don't drink. I am not really that fond of sitting around and doing nothing a lot. At least when I'm hanging out with friends. But more than that, I just feel like I don't have anything in common with any of these people.

I just don't know. I'm excited about moving back. I just hope that I'm able to find people that I have similar interests with. Plus, hopefully by then one of the people that I do have these things in common with will have moved back.

I don't really know what else to say. Now I just feel as if I'm repeating myself. This trip has been interesting and I've realized a lot.

contemplative....

I need something different.

Random update

I absolutely love my friends.

I didn't even realize how much I missed them until last night.

It was a bit bittersweet, though. There were a lot of people that I didn't know, and few people that I did. All in all it was a good night. Karaoke was fun. First time ever, and I had a blast. I'd definitely do it again.

Anyway. I should get out of the bed and actually do something. Like brush my teeth and get dressed so I can go to campus and get my paperwork signed.

the trick is to find something to occupy your mind

A million things to say, and yet nothing comes to mind.

This happens to me a lot, I think.

Or perhaps I'm just being dramatic. Probably both.

Today finds me making plans. All kinds of plans. Unfortunately, the biggest plan has become a non-plan (if that makes sense?) Unfortunately, having the money to do something does not mean one is able to afford it, and this is the problem facing me. I've been somewhat planning my week, focusing on the schoolwork that I need to get done. Delegating each subject to one day. That should help me to be where I need to. I need to remind myself to start working on my research paper and not letting that build up until the last possible moment. I suppose schoolwork is Plan 1. Plan 2 is tomorrow's plans: job hunting. Hopefully that goes well. I would also like to stop by the library, though I'm not really sure for what. I have quite a few books that are waiting to be read. So maybe I'll take that out of the plan. I guess the "master plan" is to create some sort of routine out of what seems to be chaos.

It seems to be a fine line I walk with this thing. If I go too long without it, I find myself slowly sinking back into a form of depression. It's not fun. The trick is having the motivation to stick with it, which I find myself losing after about a week. I'm hoping that a job will help with the motivation.

I feel like I'm rambling. I probably am. I'm tired, I think I'll sleep.

Hmm. 25 to start with.

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, Meghan, I have decided to make a list of 100 things about me. Also, like Meghan I will probably not make it to 100 in one post, because I get distracted easily. So I'll get as far as I can until I have the urge to do something else.

1. I go through stages where I will listen to one artist constantly for days. Lately, it's been Michael Buble. Today it changed to Paramore.
2. Every so often I get really restless and have a strong desire to get out of wherever I'm at.
3. I really really really really want to go to Italy.
4. I have a list of 15 blogs that I check on a daily basis.
5. I hate silence. It bothers me beyond explanation. Therefore, I am always playing music, or there is always noise coming from somewhere. Even when I sleep sometimes.
6. I can't tell you off the top of my head things that I've learned from my classes, but I can probably sing most songs from memory.
7. My high school gym teacher got fired for having an affair with one of his students.
8. I wish I had the motivation to become a professional photographer. I don't even have the motivation to learn what it takes.
9. When I was in high school, I walked around for an entire day barefoot just because one of my friends said I would get in trouble. I didn't.
10. I love strawberries. They are my favorite fruitfood.
11. My bedroom is painted pink.
12. I have a tendency to walk into a room and forget why I'm there. Then I have to retrace my steps to remember what I was doing.
13. It's not that I hate working out, I'm just too lazy to do it.
14. I am amused by simple things, like my puppy chasing a 2 liter bottle.
15. I love driving fast to loud music. I'm convinced that this will result in a ticket one day.
16. I love shrimp. And fish. And food in general.
17. When I'm bored, I spend a lot of time looking up things that I'm interested in and I bookmark the sites I find. Then I don't do anything with them.
18. I love Law and Order: SVU. I watch every episode.
19. I taught myself to read when I was like 3. Ever since then I've loved books. This past year, I've read maybe one book and that upsets me.
20. The summer after I graduated college, I made a bet with a friend and I watched Dirty Dancing every day for 3 and a half months. Up until Elizabethtown, it was my favorite movie.
21. I love the book Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I've read it more times than I've seen Dirty Dancing. I love the movie, too.
22. I can be really stubborn.
23. I am very emotional. It doesn't take much to make me cry usually.
24. About two years ago I decided to do yoga. I love it. I wish I did it more.
25. I am a people watcher. I love it. I think people are so funny when they don't think anyone is looking.

Okay. Thus ends this portion. I have to run errands. I'll finish this later.

oh college

Things you expect to learn from your college courses:
1. How to avoid doing homework until the last possible minute.
2. How to convince a professor to give you an extension.
3. How to pass a class without actually attending.

Things you DON'T expect to learn from college courses:
1. How to make crack cocaine.

Guess which one I learned???

Hillsong - The Stand

You stood before creation
Forever within Your hand
You spoke all life into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
And what could I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

So what can I say
And what could I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fails

I feel like I have so much to say, but now that I'm ready to type it all out, I got nothing. Typical. I hate it when that happens.

I also hate it when blogger decides to have "scheduled outages" in different time zones. I never know which time that is here, so with my luck I decide to write out a lengthy post and then the "scheduled outage" starts and I lose it all. I suppose I should do the same things that I now do with my comments, and copy it first so I can save it and post it later. Or just find out how many hours behind (or ahead of) me PDT is. That would probably be the more sensible thing.

I've been sick the past two days. Well, sick yesterday and sick-ish today. I felt well enough to go out and run errands, but that drained all my energy. So I spent the rest of the day at home, relaxing. And playing with the puppy. Of course. She is absolutely adorable and I love her. Love love love her. Unfortunately, I got no school work done. Not for lack of trying. I got out all the stuff I need, books, pens, paper, etc... I just never did anything. Oh well, there's always tomorrow. I'm sure I'll do something because I know there are deadlines. Plus I don't know how I'll be feeling tomorrow, and I just learned that being sick is not an excuse in an online class! Shame.

It's been two days since I've done my quiet time. Yesterday I never really woke up. It was like a perpetual state of sleep, even when I was awake I was groggy. I even slept through Big Brother! That should tell you the state I was in! Luckily, I already knew what was going to happen, so there was no surprise there. This is the last week, so things will be interesting. No more finding out things ahead of time! Kinda sad, but kinda exciting! I have no excuse for not doing my quiet time today.

Speaking of, I have to say I'm pretty disappointed in my devotional journal. It's by Beth Moore and it's called Praying God's Word Devotional Journal. I bought it online so I didn't really have a chance to get a good look at it, just what Amazon had on their inside view thing. I like(d) that it had a small excerpt on how to apply scripture to life. Or at least that's what I thought it was. I also liked that it had a margin for writing some notes. Then there were quite a few verses. It turns out that this devotional does not encourage study of the scripture at all. It seems to me that it is more geared toward using Moore's book Praying God's Word. And while the verses apply to the small excerpt, they really don't do much else. The way they are used is as a prayer. There is no passage given, nothing that encourages use of this journal as an aid to Scripture. Rather it seems to be meant for use as a substitute. There is no "meat" to it. I do not recommend it to anyone looking for a substantial devotional aid. I'm halfway through it, so I feel that I have really gotten a sense of what it is about. Also, there are times when I open it up, and just feel like "ugh. this doesn't even apply to me" or "you know, I feel like I need something more than this today." I realized that the mistake I had made when buying it was not researching it and finding out what other people had gotten out of it, problems they had had, and whether or not other people had found it helpful. So this is what I will be doing before buying my next devotional.

On that note, there has been something that has been on my mind for a few days. It has been swirling around in my mind, exactly how I want it to come out, and how exactly to get the emotion of it across. The other night I discovered a song on my ipod that I knew was there, but had never really paid attention to. I recommend it for anyone looking for an amazing worship song. It's called "The Stand" by Hillsong. At the time, the lyrics were just so powerful to me. It honestly became a spontaneous moment of worship. I shut my lights off, put my computer on hibernate and my cell phone on silent. I sat in the dark, with this song on repeat and just sat in the presence of God. I lifted up all the things that I had been struggling with. I lifted up all the praise for all the blessings. I cried, I felt joy, I felt pain. I felt clean. It was the most amazing moment that I can remember. It occurred to me that this was the joy that was promised to me. It was this overwhelming feeling that made me want to cry. But not out of misery or pain. Literally tears of joy. I had felt this before, but never recognized it. I felt God as clearly as I feel the keys on my keyboard. It was that powerful. I love those moments. There are few moments of worship I have experienced so profoundly. Some of the greatest moments of worship at church can't even touch this experience.

How do you top that? What can you say after something like that. For me, worship is such an insanely personal thing that sometimes it's so hard for me to openly worship, even at church. I feel as if I am being watched, judged. I know that it shouldn't matter, and a lot of times it doesn't. I have come so far from that, where those moments are so rare, yet they still happen. I know that it's irrational, and even if it were true and I was being watched I shouldn't care. But sometimes I find it hard to lose myself in the worship.

I suppose this is a good post for confessions? Seems like it. Even if it's not, that's what you're getting. I am a terrible accountability partner. I wish I knew how to be better. I can barely keep myself accountable. My quiet time is scattered, and at times a mess. I'm so worried about not pushing buttons or stepping on toes that I am afraid to approach topics that I know are testy. I ask basic questions, but not in depth ones. I wouldn't even know where to begin. And considering that I feel worship is personal, I feel awkward talking about stuff I'm going through. I feel weird opening up, as odd as that sounds. I feel equally as awkward discussing things in my spiritual life. I guess you could say I feel like a poser. As if I'm playing a part, or perhaps when you're in a discussion in which you know nothing about the topic, but you speak as if you do and pray that no one notices that you're clueless. Sometimes this is how I feel when discussing my faith. I feel like I'm an impostor and I pray that people don't discover me. It's strange. And I feel that it stunts my growth and my relationships.

Apparently the "scheduled outage" starts in 10 minutes, so I suppose I should post this before hand. (copying just in case!) I would be upset if I lost this!

crazy little thing called love

Sometimes I just don't feel like talking to very many people. I would just like to listen to a little music, talk to one or two close friends, and just relax. Why is it that these are the times when annoying people attempt to talk to me?

Ugh.

say it's me that you adore, and then darlin' tell me when

Things I enjoy:

• Playing pool online.
  
• Getting comments on my blog.
• Blogging.
• Michael Buble (but you knew that!)
• Perusing e-bay for random things.
• Sweet tea.
• Taking pictures of my friends and family.
• Cocktail rings. (if you have any you don't want, feel free to send them my way!)
• Pearls (same as cocktail rings!)
  
• Reading about other people's lives

What do you enjoy?

I'm terrible about procrastinating. I have been avoiding this assignment like it's the plague. Granted, it's not due until Thursday, but I have four assignments due this week. So I figured if I do one a day,then I'm good. But today that didn't work out so well. Hmm. I'm gonna use the excuse that it's labor day. Even though it has nothing to do with that. Whatever. Tomorrow's assignment is a lot less involved. So perhaps I'll do them both tomorrow. That would be ideal.

Bon Jovi - Lost Highway

In my rear view mirror
My life is gettin' clearer
The sunset sighs and slowly disappears
These trinkets once were treasure
Life changes like the weather
You grow up, grow old or hit the road ’round here
So I drive, watching white lines passing by
With my plastic dashboard Jesus, waiting there to greet us

Hey, hey, I finally found my way
Say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas there ain’t no brakes on this lost highway
Yeah I’m busting loose, I’m letting go
Out on this open road
It’s independence day on this lost highway

I don’t know where I’m going
But I know where I’ve been
I’m afraid of going back again
So I drive, years and miles are flying by
And waiting there to great us
Is my plastic dashboard Jesus

Hey, hey, I finally found my way
Say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas there ain’t no brakes on this lost highway
Yeah I’m busting loose, I’m letting go
Out on this open road
It’s independence day on this lost highway

Oh patron saint of lonely souls
Tell this boy which way to go
Guide the car, you got the keys
Farewell to mediocrity
Kicking off the cruise-control
And turning up the radio
Got just enough religion
And a half tank of gas come on, let’s go

I finally found my way
Say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas there ain’t no brakes on this lost highway
I’m busting loose, I’m letting go
When I'm out on this open road
It’s independence day on this lost highway

I've been tagged! (and so have you probably)

These are the rules of being tagged: RULES - Post rules before giving the facts - Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves - People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules - At the end of the your blog you need to tag six people and list their names - Leave them a comment on their blog, telling them they have been tagged and not to forget to read your blog.

1. I love making list and organizing things.This is a recent discovery about myself. And most often, I just end up with a lot of lists that do me no good. Also, for all the organizing of my time, activities, school work, etc... more often than not I end up completely disregarding it and doing whatever I feel like.

2. I love post-it notes. I have more post-it's than one person could ever need. I use them for everything and I love them. One time when I was in high school, my friend and I got a pass from one of my teachers and we put sticky notes all over the outside of my friends truck. I also put random ones inside his truck.

3. I love crazy reality tv shows. Not the ones like real world and all that. I love Sunset Tan, Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List (love her!), Flipped Out, Big Brother (though that's kinda like Real World), and Rock Of Love with Bret Micheals. Whenever I turn on the tv late at night and a show like that is on, I can't help but watch it.

4. I love the Disney show Hannah Montana. I don't really know why.

5. I can spend hours on the internet, and I'm not really sure that I do anything productive. That's how I waste most of my time.

6. I love to have my back rubbed. It is the best feeling in the world and so relaxing. When I was little, my grandmother tells me that I would climb into bed with her and my grandfather, lie on my stomach and command them to "wub." To this very day, I will at times (and vice versa) crawl into bed with my sister and we will take turns rubbing each other's backs. She's 18 and I'm 22.

7. Sometimes I'm too open with the details of my life. (see above haha)

8. I love margaritas. They are my favorite alcoholic drink of all time. Second is fuzzy navels. Third is strawberry daiquiris.


Now I'm supposed to tag 6 people. Umm, well I was gonna pick Ellie but so much for that. (Thanks Kris! haha j/k) I pick Caroline, Kara, Rachel, and Adam. Yeah, yeah it's only four. whatever. No one else that I know of reads my blog. So there!

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees

This morning was a particularly difficult morning as far as waking up goes. I just did NOT want to wake up. I can attribute this, I think, to the fact that I did not sleep well last night. It took me almost two and a half hours to fall asleep. Then when I finally got comfortable enough to fall asleep, I woke back up. Ugh. Those nights are the worst.

But today I started working out again for the first time. I thought that after the workout I'd be exhausted and want to nap, but surprisingly I had more energy than before. This is not usually the case with me. Oh well. I've also noticed that I've been not only remembering to take my medicine every day, but I'm doing it at around the same time. I think I can mark the first week as a success overall. Tomorrow will be the true test. It's Saturday morning, and a typical sleep in morning in my house (though I guess you could say that for every morning!)

I feel like a huge dork. I'm pretty excited about my new Dell Axim. Oh well. I don't care. My daddy is pretty awesome.