Procrastination begets an update.

Instead of working on my 500 word rough draft I've managed to: clean my room, recycle my newspapers, drop off a movie at blockbuster, clean my kitchen, make a new playlist on my ipod, and make pasta salad. If I had dirty laundry, I'd also be doing that. In my defense though, I have begun researching my topic. So I'm not a completely horrible student.

It's been a pretty lazy day for me. The only time I've left my apartment is to take a movie back to blockbuster. I have showered, though, and I'm dressed. So at least that's something. I'm just in one of those homebody moods. I'm sure I could make plans tonight, but I'm not sure if I want to. It wouldn't be any different than last Saturday, actually. That was the night I went to sleep at like 9 p.m. It was beautiful. Except for when I woke up at 5:30 a.m. the next morning.

Tomorrow I'm going to be visiting a different church. The pastor is an awesome speaker, and judging by the website, the church should be really cool. I'm going with a couple of people that I just recently became acquainted with.

This week has been very eventful for me, non-socially speaking. Well, socially, too. I've been working on getting out of my comfort zone, and actually opening up to people. It's difficult, I have to admit. But it's so worth it. I'm so excited about the new people that I've met because I got outside of my zone. I'm so thankful for the people that I hang out with on a regular basis. It's nice to have a group of people that I feel comfortable with. I had been debating whether or not I would continue with the Friday night Bible studies. I've decided to keep going, and I'm glad for that. I was able to get out of my comfort zone last night, and open up to people. That was a good feeling. I've also been struggling with not having many girlfriends. Thursday night I was just praying that God would send me someone to open up to, and not only did He deliver, but I was actually able to open up to two girls. That's who I'm going to church with tomorrow morning. I'm pretty excited about it.

You take me the way I am.

Not much to update, I think. I just feel the urge to write things down. Odd.

I still feel restless. It's not as bad as it was last night, but it's still there. I don't know what to make of it. I said in my last post that the last time I felt like this was when I got my last tattoo (November 06) but I realized just now that the last time I felt like this was actually later than that. It was about this time, and it resulted in bangs. I'm still dealing with the consequences of that. It was not a good choice. Some people are not meant to have bangs, and I am one of those people. Luckily, in the past year they've grown out considerably and now blend in with the rest of my hair, and just sort of look like layers. Needless to say, I will not make that mistake again. Though I do need to get my hair trimmed. I'm getting split ends and it's been since like Augustish. I'm overdue for a trim. Though I did finally get my eyebrows waxed the other day. I feel much better!

I'm supposed to go line dancing tonight with one of my friends. She was supposed to call me last night to work out the details, and I still haven't heard from her. I have no idea what's going on. If she doesn't call me by 6 or 7 tonight I'm making other plans. I kinda hope she pulls through because I really want to go line dancing and I don't know anyone else who likes it. At the same time, I won't be heartbroken if it doesn't pan out because I know I will be able to find something else to do.

I want to go fishing.

I haven't really been paying attention...

I figure it's a good idea to type up an update post during a boring three hour class.

I've been relatively busy/social lately. I don't hate it. I do think that I might need to slow down a bit. It's only the third week of classes, so it's not like I have a whole lot of studying to do, but I'm worried that if I keep up with this then I won't have any time to study.

I've been feeling a lot better since I've moved back. I know that this is a combination of a few things. First, I've been social, instead of spending all my time alone, which just encourages depression. Also, I've been going to Late Nite, and I've decided to get involved in a Bible study that meets every other Friday night. This last Sunday I checked out a different church with one of my friends. It wasn't the kind of church I'm used to, and I wouldn't go on a regular basis, but it was a good experience. Now we're getting a different sermon at Late Nite than they have on Sunday mornings. So until I can find a church that I feel at home at, I'll be going to the same church on Sunday mornings. That's definitely helping me.

I have been feeling restless though. It started about two days ago. So far I'm just kind of ignoring it and hoping it will subside. The last time I felt restless like this was when I went and got my last tattoo a little over a year ago. It's hard to describe this restless feeling. It's this urge that starts out small, and when I sit too long or don't have something to do, it kind of nags at the back of my mind. It's not so much an urge to run away and never come back, it's more an urge to try something new, maybe take a road trip to somewhere I've never been. Just kinda get out of the familiar for a little while. Right now it isn't too bad. Sunday, though, I felt it terribly. It was this want/need/craving for a change. I almost dyed my hair, but I felt that 1) that's not really something I wanted to do and 2) that wouldn't have really satisfied the urge for change.

Overall, though, things are going well. Last night a group of us went out to the beach to see the sunset. Then we went to our friend's house and made quesadillas for dinner. Afterwards, we watched Disturbia. It was a pretty good movie. Kinda freaked me out a bit.

Ah, well. Such is life.

Now I walk in the light in victorious sight of You

I had a lot that I wanted to get down. Now that I've got this open, I don't know what to say.

Things are going well for me. I'm enjoying my classes. My weekend is going to be busy, and I'm so excited for it! Tomorrow night is the WinterJam concert. We're going just to see Skillet, then we're leaving early to go to an art show that a couple of our friends are in. That should be pretty exciting. Then Saturday, hopefully a bunch of people are coming over. I wish they'd let me know. Then Sunday morning I'm checking out a new church with my friend, and then of course late nite. Good thing I don't have classes on Mondays. That can be my study time.

Tomorrow my sister is going to buy us tickets to the Taste of Chaos concert that will be here in March. She's excited about that, so that makes me excited.

Next Friday, Anchor & Braille is going to be playing a show at a local club. I think I might go.

Umm. My quiet time is going really well, when I do it. I'm trying to make it a habit to do it every morning. So far it's more like every other morning. Yesterday, it wasn't even a morning. I did it last night before I went to sleep. I didn't do it this morning. I doubt I'll do it tomorrow morning. I have class at 9, and have to leave here by 8ish. The bus takes forever. Maybe I'll get up at 730 to do it.

Anyway. I should get dressed and get ready to leave for class. In reality it's gonna take me like 15 minutes just to figure out what shirt to wear.

Updates!

I think I'm settling back into the way of life here, and I love it. I'm making an effort to not only be social, but also to expand my circle of friends. So far, I think that's going pretty well. I've managed to have plans every night this past weekend. Plus, this coming weekend is shaping up to be pretty busy for me. I've invited some people over to hang out and stuff on Saturday night. Friday night I have two things that I've been invited to. One is a concert that I'm pretty stoked about. The other one is an art show that this girl invited me to at her church. She's in the group of people that I've started hanging out with, so I'd like to go and hang out with them. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I put in an application at Starbucks today. Hopefully I hear back from them.

My classes seem interesting, so I'm thankful for that. That means that I might actually attend them and pay attention. Particularly my Bible as Literature class.

Every other Friday night is a Bible study that I'm going to be attending. They've had it for a few years now, and it's led by the same guy who leads the Sunday morning small group at the church that I used to attend. I never went though, for one reason or another. I'm glad that I went this week, though. I've started doing my quiet time again. Hopefully I can keep up with it this time. I think that's the thing that I struggle with the most.

Anyway. I should start my homework.

Why don't you stay. I'm up off my knees. I'm so tired of being lonely, you can't give me what I need.

It's amazing how things have a way of working themselves out.

I feel so much better. I haven't felt anxious since night before last, which is good.

I'm proud of myself! I made it to my morning class. Yay me! What's even better is that it seems like an interesting class, so I will actually go! Plus it helps that it's only one day a week, and I want to do well. Now I'm waiting for Val to get out of class. I'm gonna go pick her up and we're going to have lunch. Then at 4, I have a meeting at my old job. So I'm pretty excited about that. Then tonight is a bible study that I think I'm going to go to.

Things are looking up :)

throw it away forget yesterday we'll make the great escape

I think I've reached the point in all of this where enough is enough. I'm starting to feel smothered. I hate that feeling. To me it's one of the worst feelings ever. It's just too much too fast. I know that this is pretty much my fault, for letting it get this way. But that doesn't change things now. I think I need to pull back for a while. I need some room to breathe.

I wish I had someone to talk to. I mean, I do have people that I can talk to. Not about this, though. No one would understand.

I can't even talk about it here, now. Too many people I know read this.

I need a great escape.

I love air conditioning.

so much for a post every day.

So much for going to class.

I'm pretty aggravated about that second one, actually. But, it's my fault. I forgot my student ID in my bedroom. So I had to go back and get it. When I was coming down the stairs, I saw the bus pull away. I should have walked to campus (it would have taken like 20 min. maybe) but I waited for the next bus, which took just as long to get there. Then it took another 20 minutes getting to the place I needed to get off at. Which put me on campus 10 minutes after the class had started. Then I couldn't find the building, which is beyond ridiculous because I know the campus like the back of my hand. When I finally realized i had passed it twice, it was already 20 minutes into the class. Then I couldn't find the room. So I just gave up. I hope they don't drop me, if they do I will just re-add it, I guess. So now I'm on campus, but there's no point going home because I have a class at 6, and I don't want to go through this again. I'm so glad I brought my computer!

I'm waiting for an email from the professor of the class that I want to get into. My adviser told me that she isn't letting anyone in that wasn't there on the first day, but then again my adviser is dumb. Instead of actually being able to speak with my adviser, I got a phone call from some student who didn't even know what was going on. He had to ask her questions every 30 seconds. Why didn't he just put her on the phone? So, anyway. I emailed the professor and told her that I was interested in the class and that I was unable to attend on the first day. I asked if there was any way that I would be able to get a permit for the class. I still haven't gotten a reply.

So that's how my day has been going so far.

Ooh! a good thing about my day is that I got a cheap oil change! I got a coupon for a free oil change, but I had to pay the disposal fee, and pay for a new filter. So it came out to like 10 bucks. I was happy about that! Plus, the mechanic checked out my car and told me it's in awesome condition. So that was a bit of a relief. I mean, I know that it's a good car. My dad wouldn't have let me buy it if it wasn't. But it helps to have someone who's somewhat of an expert tell you that.

I absolutely love my apartment. As bad as it sounds, I'm actually a bit relieved that there's rarely anyone there. It's so quiet. I'm looking forward to going home tonight after class gets over (at freaking 9!!) and taking a shower and possibly falling asleep.

I should be reading for my next class. I should also review the power point lecture notes for it. Maybe that's where I'll take my notes from.

Oh yeah. Could someone please alert mother nature that it's JANUARY and therefore should not be 80 degrees outside?!

WOOHOO! A real update...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

that's a big sigh of relief, in case you were wondering.

Not only am I all moved in, but everything is unpacked! It's such a relief. I love it.

I miss my family a little. I suppose that's normal. It feels weird not being on campus. It feels just as weird coming in the middle of the semesters.

After I got everything (except my bathroom) unpacked, I made a trip to walmart. I needed to pick up some stuff I didn't have. That included picking up some food items so I don't starve. I think that's a good plan. That was pretty much the only time leaving the apartment since I've moved in. Which isn't bad considering I've been here about 8 hours. Get back to me tomorrow when I haven't left at all. Also, monday.

Well. There's a good reason for that, actually. It turns out the keys that the complex gave me don't work. I had to have the girl at the leasing office let me into my apartment just so I could move in my stuff. Then I had to basically stay here until Val got here so she could give me her key so I could have a copy made. The guy at walmart claimed he "couldn't" give me the same type of key she had. So the copy I had made doesn't unlock the door. The complex can't get a key made for me until Monday. So either I have to use Val's only key and she has to be without a key or I just don't go anywhere. I'll talk to her when she gets home, because they only place that I want to go tomorrow is walmart to return the cable I bought. It's too short by like a foot. Which sucks. Other than that, nothing. Not until Monday. I'm so glad that my classes don't start until Tuesday at 3:30.

delayed...

I am completely packed, aside from the clothes that I'm wearing. All of my stuff is packed into 2 cars (!!!) and I'm leaving in the morning. I'm excited about it. I'm a bit relieved, too. I feel like I'm kind of being a burden on my parents financially. It's going to be such a relief when I can pay back the money that they loaned me, and then be responsible for myself. Sometimes I think I worry too much about them. I feel kind of responsible. If I had gotten a job and been able to pay for myself, then I wouldn't have had to borrow so much money from them and they wouldn't be in this situation.

Meanwhile, I finally got to play Rock Band! It's amazing. haha.


This was supposed to be posted yesterday but my internet went out last night. LAME!

I think that's it for now?

Random thoughts:
- Lil' smokies are ALWAYS a good idea.
- My room seems strange.
- Chicken needs to have a faster thawing rate.
- The guy on 10 Years Younger is odd looking. (Mark Montano) Not to mention slightly annoying.
- Television sucks during the daytime.
- New Grey's on the 10th. so exciting!
- I have a strange fascination with reality shows.
- I have a lot to do before I leave, and once I get there.
- woo! CSI Miami.

I don't eat often, but I feel like I eat more than I should? haha. that sounds terrible. When I o eat, I eat things that are not healthy for me. Hm. Good thing I'm gonna have to buy all my own groceries now. Maybe I won't buy so much stuff that isn't healthy.

I contacted the guy who' in charge at my old job. Hopefully there's a position open for me to come back to.

I just have to say that Sprint sucks. Two years ago I signed a contract. I was so looking forward to my contract ending this month and being able to find a company that is better. HA! Funny joke. Turns out, 5 months after I first signed my contract, I changed my plan. That extends your contract by two years from the date that you change your plan. So now I'm stuck with Sprint until May. The worst part is that the plan I have is ridiculous, and I could use a cheaper one, but if I change it, I'm stuck with sprint for two more years. I might look into what it costs to terminate my contract now. It might be cheaper for me in the long run. In fact, I'm gonna do that now. Okay. So it will cost me 150 dollars to terminate my fee, plus whatever I owe previously to terminating it. So right now It will cost me 225 dollars. But, I have to pay 75 dollars anyway, because that's my monthly bill. So I am going to spend more money keeping my phone on until May than if I just terminate the contract now. I think that's what I'm going to do. I will save about 200 dollars by ending my contract now. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to wait about 3 weeks to do it, because I have to wait until I get the money from school.

I'm lucky I know, but I want to go home.

One thing I want to try to do is to post at least once a day, and see how long I can keep it up for.

That said, today was mostly spent packing. I managed to pack almost everything in my bedroom. All that's left are my clothes in the dirty laundry basket and in the two dressers, plus a couple of things hanging in the closet, and a few odds and ends that I'm still using, like my lamp, my ihome thing, my tv, my computer, toothbrush, and hairbrush. Plus I need to take the Christmas lights down and pack them. There's not much lighting in my room in the apartment, only an overhead light.

I talked to Val and she isn't going to be there on Saturday when I move in, but I finally got to ask her what I need to pick up.

It's so weird having an almost empty room. My bookshelf is gone, and I think that's the thing that sticks out the most. That, and I took down my bulletin board and pictures and pearls on the wall. So now it just feels bare.

I like the way it feels when you sit down just the right way and your tail bone cracks.

Some things are better left unsaid. Some are not.

Sometimes things just need to be said. Someone's feelings might get hurt, and that sucks. In my opinion, though, sometimes when you leave things unsaid it just makes it worse. It's essentially lying to the person you're not saying them to.

With that said:

• We aren't best friends, and I think you know it. We rarely talk. I feel awkward telling you things, and you never tell me stuff that's going on with you.

• I'm really sad that you're moving. I think that you are really the only real friend I had in that place. I don't know what I'll do without you.

• I'm really excited about moving in with you and getting to know you better. I hope that you become one of the good friends that I want/need.

• It can never be the same now.
  

So I guess that's it. That's really all I had to say that wasn't being said.

I don't make resolutions...

I don't make resolutions. I don't keep them. So what's the point?

Instead, I have goals. Not so much for the year, I think. I've been thinking a lot, about the past year. There were a lot of thing this year that I've done and regret. I had a lot of fun, and a couple of firsts. I went to Disney World for the first time, on my birthday. I think that was the one that was most fun. It was also the first time I had been to Universal. It was also the first time that I'd ever been scared for my life, that night in the hotel, alone.

Thinking about all the things that happened this year made me realize how much about my life I want to change. At first I was worried that it was going to cause hurt feelings, and then I realized that while that sucks, it has to happen.

I need to find new friends, people I actually have things in common with. I need people that I feel comfortable talking to, and I feel welcome around. I can't say that I've felt like that a whole lot this year. Maybe with a couple of people. One of those people are no longer in my life, which I consider a good decision. The other person is moving away, and as much as I want to believe that the friendship won't change, I know it will. That's life. I think that's my biggest goal when I go back.

I also want to find a church that I feel comfortable in, because honestly I don't feel comfortable in the one that I had been going to.

I think that's it, for now. I'll be able to come up with more when I've had more time to actually sit here and think. For now I've got to leave.