Sunday, August 26, 2007

I've been tagged! (and so have you probably)

These are the rules of being tagged: RULES - Post rules before giving the facts - Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves - People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules - At the end of the your blog you need to tag six people and list their names - Leave them a comment on their blog, telling them they have been tagged and not to forget to read your blog.

1. I love making list and organizing things.This is a recent discovery about myself. And most often, I just end up with a lot of lists that do me no good. Also, for all the organizing of my time, activities, school work, etc... more often than not I end up completely disregarding it and doing whatever I feel like.

2. I love post-it notes. I have more post-it's than one person could ever need. I use them for everything and I love them. One time when I was in high school, my friend and I got a pass from one of my teachers and we put sticky notes all over the outside of my friends truck. I also put random ones inside his truck.

3. I love crazy reality tv shows. Not the ones like real world and all that. I love Sunset Tan, Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List (love her!), Flipped Out, Big Brother (though that's kinda like Real World), and Rock Of Love with Bret Micheals. Whenever I turn on the tv late at night and a show like that is on, I can't help but watch it.

4. I love the Disney show Hannah Montana. I don't really know why.

5. I can spend hours on the internet, and I'm not really sure that I do anything productive. That's how I waste most of my time.

6. I love to have my back rubbed. It is the best feeling in the world and so relaxing. When I was little, my grandmother tells me that I would climb into bed with her and my grandfather, lie on my stomach and command them to "wub." To this very day, I will at times (and vice versa) crawl into bed with my sister and we will take turns rubbing each other's backs. She's 18 and I'm 22.

7. Sometimes I'm too open with the details of my life. (see above haha)

8. I love margaritas. They are my favorite alcoholic drink of all time. Second is fuzzy navels. Third is strawberry daiquiris.


Now I'm supposed to tag 6 people. Umm, well I was gonna pick Ellie but so much for that. (Thanks Kris! haha j/k) I pick Caroline, Kara, Rachel, and Adam. Yeah, yeah it's only four. whatever. No one else that I know of reads my blog. So there!

Friday, August 24, 2007

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees

This morning was a particularly difficult morning as far as waking up goes. I just did NOT want to wake up. I can attribute this, I think, to the fact that I did not sleep well last night. It took me almost two and a half hours to fall asleep. Then when I finally got comfortable enough to fall asleep, I woke back up. Ugh. Those nights are the worst.

But today I started working out again for the first time. I thought that after the workout I'd be exhausted and want to nap, but surprisingly I had more energy than before. This is not usually the case with me. Oh well. I've also noticed that I've been not only remembering to take my medicine every day, but I'm doing it at around the same time. I think I can mark the first week as a success overall. Tomorrow will be the true test. It's Saturday morning, and a typical sleep in morning in my house (though I guess you could say that for every morning!)

I feel like a huge dork. I'm pretty excited about my new Dell Axim. Oh well. I don't care. My daddy is pretty awesome.

chicks were born to give you fever

Things That Make Me Happy:
Sunny days.
Rain.
Music.
Friends.
Food.
Finding cute clothes on sale.
Movies.
Sleep.
emails.
Pictures.
Family.
My kitty.
big sunglasses.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

crazy little thing called love

I think that there might be something to this idea of getting up before noon. Who'da thought?

It's day three, and I already feel so much better. I've been doing my quiet time every morning, I spend less time sitting on the computer, I've actually spent time in the pool (and therefore in the sun) and I don't feel like I'm getting depressed anymore! I have tons more energy. I also feel like I have more time in my day. Even though I'm still sleeping the same amount of hours, I go to bed earlier, and wake up earlier. Apparently more daylight in your day means feeling like you have more time. I no longer feel like I'm wasting my day. I've filled out a couple of applications at some of the places around here, so hopefully something pans out.

Also! There's a very good possibility that I've found someone to sublease from, and the best part is that I'll be living with one of my friends. Hoorah! Unfortunately it's because one of my friends is leaving and that makes me sad. But I guess this is what is best for her, so as sad as I am, I support her.

Monday, August 20, 2007

I love you in a place where there's no space or time

I am feeling so much better. I honestly think sunshine can cure the blues!

Or at least make you feel better. I decided to take a little time today and hang out in the pool. During this time, I figured out some stuff and realized what was really bothering me. I think the thing that's the most important in feeling better is to actually start doing stuff. So I've decided that tomorrow (well technically tonight) is when I'll start getting back into a routine. I say tomorrow because there's not much I can do about it today, except not staying up til 3 a.m. I think that's a good start to what I want to accomplish. One step at a time, eh?

On a plus note, I have everything I need for classes. The only thing that I don't have is the ac adapter for my PDA, but that's not imperative to my classes.


ooh, and the title of this post is from a Michael Buble song (of course) and I think it's one of the prettiest lines I've heard in a while.

Ramblings

is it possible to take a break from life?

I feel like that's what I need. This situation has exhausted me emotionally and mentally. It brought up things that I wasn't even aware were stressing me out. I mean, yeah I feel better now that I put an end to the nonsense. But at the same time, it made me realize that there is nothing here for me. There is no one here for me. And I have at least four more months of this. I mean, sure I'll get a job. And there's church. Plus classes will keep me busy. And I'll be able to make trips up to see all my friends. But I know I won't be able to go every weekend, and it would be nice to have some things to do around here and some people to do it with.

I see pictures that different girl have put up. There they are with a group of friends, and they all look so happy. I can't help but be a little jealous of that. Sure I have friends, but I don't have that. I don't have a group of close girl friends. I feel like the friends that I do have, I don't have much in common with. And it's making it harder because I'm not going back right away, so everyone is moving on and I feel stuck. I feel trapped in this life.

The sermon yesterday was on interruptions in your life, and how they can be God's introduction for something amazing in your life. I know that this is an interruption, and I'm sure something amazing will come out of it. One day, I'm sure I'll look back and think to myself "yeah, it sucked. But it was worth it." Right now, however, I have a hard time keeping that in mind.

I keep saying that I want to get back into a routine, and all that. And I really do mean it. I just can't make myself do it. I'd much rather sleep, even though I really get nothing out of it. I really hope that I'm not becoming depressed again. I don't think I could handle that. I feel like I'm going stir crazy. Maybe I just need to get out of here for a while. Who knows.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.

So, I find it much easier to avoid confrontation than to actually find out what I want to know. But. I do have moments in my life where I get tired of people's bull and I call them out on it. I find it "convenient" that this person has chosen now to try to be "friends." We were never friends. A year after we broke up, he came up to the town I was in for a concert. I happened to be hanging out with a girl who I met through him, and we hooked up.

As much as I hate doing this kind of stuff, it feels good to let him know that I know what he's up to and I'm not putting up with it. What makes it worth it all, though, is finding out that I'm right. He admitted that he was looking for a hookup. I told him no. If this was a different time, I would have told him quite a few other things, using a lot of little four letter words. But I'm better than that, and I simply told him that I wasn't interested. And now I feel so good about the fact that I didn't give in to the temptation.

And now I can go on with my life, feeling better about myself, and knowing I didn't do something that I would have regretted.

Friday, August 17, 2007

I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness

Thank God I didn't do something stupid.

It's not over tonight just give me one more chance to make it right I may not make it through the night I won't go home without you

I know it's wrong.

I know it can't end well.

So why am I so tempted?

I gotta be cool, relax.

I got bored today, so my sister and I headed out of the house. We decided to try on cocktail dresses at the mall (that just shows how much there is to do here.) While putting a dress on (or taking it off, I don't remember) over my head, I managed to scrape skin off of my forehead with my thumbnail.

Yes, I am just that cool. So now I have a huge red scratch down my forehead.

Do you ever have those days where you just feel like crying? I do. Today (rather the past few days) has been one of those times. It's not PMS, and there's no particular reason. I just feel as if I need a good cry. I'm not even sad! Ah, well. Such is life I suppose.

So last night's attempt at going to sleep early didn't turn out so well. I made the mistake of turning on the television. I have this thing about coming into my bedroom in complete darkness, so the plan was to turn on the tv for light and then shut it off once I got settled. But of course, I turned it on and something good was on tv. One of those "how-to" shows, or a forensics files show or something. Anyway. Then I discovered a show on VH1. Top 40 Reality TV Moments. Oh man. I had heard there was a spot about Jen from Big Brother on there, with her tantrum about her picture. Well of course I had to see that. And of course, it was moment number four or something like that. Which meant I had to watch 2 hours. So yeah.

Well tonight is going to be a little different. My mom has a doctor's appointment in the morning, and my sister and I are going with her. So no matter what time I go to sleep, I have to be up around 7:30 or so. I still haven't developed any kind of routine, and I'm still not doing my quiet time.

So I knew when I started college that it wouldn't last forever and that eventually real life would settle in. I just didn't expect it to happen while I was still in college. The number of friends I have that are either engaged or married have exceeded two hands. One friend is leaving to spend a year in England doing missionary work. I was just informed that another friend is planning on moving to Canada in a year to be a missionary. I can still remember a time in my life when the days dragged on and it felt like forever. Now, it's like where did the time go? It seems like just yesterday I was starting the summer and now it's pretty much over.

UGH.

Why does it seem like when things are finally going well, life throws a curve ball at me? I was seeing this guy about two years ago, I suppose. We dated briefly (for about a month) and it was during the time in my life where I was trying to fill the void with a relationship. So basically for me, this guy was awesome. I thought that things were going well and that we were gonna be together for a while. During that spring break I went to Miami with my sister (my dad went on a conference.) I didn't hear from this guy much at all, and when I did it was because I called him. Well when I got back, it was as if nothing was wrong. Things went back to normal. Then one night, about a week later he took me out to dinner. Told me that he didn't think we should see each other anymore. He thought our relationship was just about sex (which it kinda was, but at that time I didn't see it.) I was heartbroken at the time. He then asks me if I'd like to go play pool with some of his friends (who were I suppose my friends through him.) I went. Because I was dumb and thought that maybe it would make him change his mind. It didn't. It turns out that he had been planning to break up with me for about 2 or 3 weeks and had even told his friends. I haven't heard from him in about a year. Well all of a sudden he IMs me. Last I had heard (which was about a 9 months ago) he had a girlfriend whom he was living with and they were happy. Well this didn't really affect me. Until now, apparently. I guess they broke up a couple weeks ago. Now he wants to take me to dinner. Now I feel like crying and screaming. I don't want to be mean, but I really want to be like "dude you broke up with me and ruined your chance." But I don't want to be mean. Ugh. I don't know. There was a time when I would have just said it. Instead, when he asked if I was seeing anyone, I told him that I didn't want to get involved because I was only here temporarily. Let's hope that works. Just ugh.

I quit. It's 1:30 and I need at least 6 hours to function and I'll probably only get 5 1/2. Thank God for Michael Buble. He's helping me keep my mind off of how frustrating this is.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

I have no title....

So, once again I didn't do my quiet time. Even though I had the time to do it.

But it's 11:47 and I'm getting ready to go to sleep! Hopefully this is the beginning of what I want to get accomplished.

I suppose we shall see.

Also, I'm very sad that my friends are moving away. Most of them before I even get the chance to say goodbye. I'm lucky because Rachel won't be moving until December, so at least I'll get to spend some time with her before she leaves, but some friends are already gone, and the others will be gone before I get my car.

Growing up sucks.

A blog in the middle of the day? Incredible!

This Wednesday afternoon finds me with no air conditioning. (Thank goodness for ceiling fans!) In Florida, no air conditioning is almost as bad as no air to breathe. Luckily our house is tile so it doesn't get too hot plus the fans help. It's a comfortable 87 degrees in the house.

Already today I have managed to not start the routine I claim I am going to start. Any day now. Granted, it's only 4 o'clock, and I could still do my quiet time. Right now I'm trying to figure out some bills and other things online.

I'm also pretty excited because I have a stack of books that I haven't read yet. I think the one I'm most excited about is Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. I've heard that it's very good. I also managed to find a copy of Jane Eyre which happens to be one of my favorite books ever. I know a few people have mentioned the book I'm currently reading, Why Men Love Bitches, and it seems that the feedback has mostly been the same. The reason I'm reading this book is not because I feel that I need a "self-help" book. It's not even that I feel I need help in relationships. I'm actually reading it because a friend of mine read it and told me that it changed her life. At that point I was pretty skeptical, so she challenged me to read it. She told me that it would have the same effect on me. I have to say, I'm not impressed with this book. In my opinion, the advice goes a little too far. Sure, there are some pieces of advice that any woman could take to heart, but to me that's just more common sense than anything else. I think that any woman reading this, if she isn't careful, will end up taking every bit of advice to heart and will end up with either a jerk of a boyfriend or alone.

Anyway, that's just my two cents. I definitely wouldn't recommend this book to people.

You've always been our refuge, there's peace in Your glory

The morning finds me faced with a dilemma. I have this urge to write, but find that I have nothing to say. Or at least that's how I feel. I'm reading this book by Sherry Argon, titled Why Men Love Bitches. To be honest, I'm not really sure why I'm reading it. It's one of those "self-help" books. The tagline is "from doormat to dreamgirl - a woman's guide to holding her own in a relationship." To be sure, there's some good advice in this book. I've come across some things that I have done in the past (not just in relationships but also in potential relationships and friendships) that I was unaware of. It's a good eye opener, though there's a lot of stuff that I won't be keeping in mind.

I'm back to not doing my quiet time. It sucks because as much as I'm disappointed about it, I find that I just don't have the motivation to do it. I've discovered about myself that I function way better when I'm on some kind of a routine. My problem right now is that I just don't have the self-discipline to have a routine without a job/classes to attend. This is not made any easier by the lack of jobs in the area. Plus online classes. I was hoping that I could motivate myself to set up a routine without a job, but so far that effort has been fruitless. I find myself unmotivated and lazy. Not a good feeling. In fact, it's pretty lame.

What I really want to do is start working out and getting back into shape. I miss the energy that I had when I was into a regular sleeping pattern. Plus working out would help me to shape some sort of routine out of my day. I just can't seem to get started. I guess staying up til 3 a.m. doesn't really help matters much. Maybe I'll start there.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Post Secret




Post Secret

mmmmmmmmmm Michael Buble

As I think most people know, music is one of my most favorite things in the world. It has been so many things for me, but mostly it's been an escape from reality during the times when I needed to get away most.

My current obsession is Michael Buble. I absolutely adore him. Not only is he a very attractive man, but whoa buddy, this guy can sing! I love that he has a very old jazz style. He reminds me a lot of Frank Sinatra. This is my current favorite song by him, "Everything"



Anyway. Currently my bedroom is my haven, as I believe it should be for everyone. I have Christmas lights strung on the walls (which are pink) so I don't have to use my overhead light which is overbearing. It creates this very relaxed atmosphere, and mixed with the musical styling of one Mr. Buble is quite the experience. I think people are surprised when they find out that I love jazz music. And by that I mean pretty much all jazz music. I love Etta James, Duke Ellington, Louis Armstrong, Billie Holiday, Jelly Roll Morton, Miles Davis, Harry Connick Jr., Ella Fitzgerald, and of course Frank Sinatra.

So one of the things that I'm doing with this whole "moving on" thing is finding out things that I like. Jazz music is definitely one of them. I realized that in the midst of everything that went on, I lost part of who I was. And even though it's been quite a while since then, I never really took the time out to figure out who I am. This past year has been amazing, really the past year and a half has. I've learned a lot about what I can deal with, and I've made incredible friends. But I haven't really figure out who I am. Just me, not me with someone else, not me as "the future lawyer," just me. So , I've picked up quite a few new books to read and I'm trying to branch out musically. Who knows what else is to come. But I'm excited!

Friday, August 10, 2007

I'm Moving On (for real this time)

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't

I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I've heard people describe these kinds of realizations as having hit them out of nowhere. I don't think that's true. I think that with something like this, you know for a long time. And for me, the time has come where it's time to cut myself loose. I'm letting go.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Have a happy period!

So I always assumed that the people who ran the ad campaigns for Always pads were women. I mean, it makes sense right?

Obviously, I was wrong.

Only a man could even think that a period could be "happy." That's just ridiculous. Have you ever met a woman who was extremely happy, and when asked the reason for such bliss replied with "Oh, I'm on my period!"?

Exactly.

Obviously, these men are not married, nor do they have sisters, mothers or daughters. In fact, they've probably never even been around a woman who was on her period.