Smoke on the water

hooray for making your own Christmas cards. Not so much for superficial conversations. Maybe it's just me, but I thought that when you asked someone how they were doing, it was to find out how they are. Not to start a conversation about yourself. Here's just a bit of advice: if you're friends with someone, talking about yourself every single time you talk to that person gets old. Fast. It also makes that person not want to be your friend.

I'm just saying, is all.

This week should be busy for me, but I'm not doing what I need to be doing. Well, not what I need to be doing, but what I should be doing. I haven't done my homework the past two days. Not stuff that's due this week, that's tomorrow and the day after. But chapters that need to be read, notes that need to be taken, that sort of thing.

Anyway. Now I'm watching CSI and then I'm going to sleep. Need to be up relatively early in the morning. I've got quite a few things going on tomorrow. Filling bags of candy to hand out to the trick or treaters, homework, taking my sister to work, and I need to start doing research on my paper or read the chapters that I haven't read in the past two days. Haven't figured out which yet.

mmmmmmmm cake.

There isn't anything that bothers me more than someone who acts like my friend and pretends like they're interested in my life when they really aren't. I knew when this friendship started that it was not going to be a lifelong friendship. I knew that I was put in her life to be a good friend to her. I knew that she wasn't going to be one of the good friends that I needed and that I would not be able to confide in her. What bothers me is that after not hearing from her for months (I'm talking something like four months) she all of a sudden decides that she's going to pretend like it's no big deal. She's asking about my life like she's interested. But actions speak louder than words, and asking about what's been going on doesn't make up for the four months where I didn't hear from her at all. It just bothers me is all. It's not that I think she's necessarily being fake, I just think that she's trying to be my friend when she really isn't.

So I turned on the tv around 7:15ish and just happened to catch Barack Obama's open forum on MTV. I'm not really sure how I feel about him. Honestly I don't know how he stands on the issues that are important to me. That's probably because I'm being pretty lazy right now and haven't been researching the candidates and where they stand. I have to say, though, one thing that really impresses me about him is that he seems to be the only candidate who is concerned with the younger population of voters. I like that he is not ashamed of his faith and doesn't try to push it into the background. I really need to get all my information together and figure out who I'm going to support. Plus, although we aren't even to the primaries yet, there's only about a year until the election and time is flying!

So, aside from Saturday, I've been doing my quiet time every day. Right now I'm working on not having any expectations so I won't be disappointed. It's kind of difficult, but I'm working on it. Plus, for some reason I have a hard time being quiet for so long. Working on that, too.

Random thought: I want cake.

When I'm so fake, does Your heart ache?

This song speaks volumes.
(click for lyrics)


A conversation with a friend has gotten me thinking. It was actually the first time in a while that I've had a semi-in depth conversation concerning my quiet time with anyone. She quoted Isaiah 30:21 which states "Your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, "this is the way, walk in it." Whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left." I realized that I've never heard such a voice. What's worse is that I'm not sure I would recognize if it I were to hear it. I don't know how to hear it. I feel like I'm that child that just doesn't get it and God is the parent that gets so frustrated. He must be up there going "are you serious? I've told you a million times." I just don't get it. This makes me worry that I'm not going the right way, and I wouldn't even know what the right way is. Then we talked about how this past weekend made me realize that I only come to God when it's convenient for me, when I feel empty or when I'm in trouble. And I've been working on that this past week. That got us talking about my quiet time. I feel like I'm doing it wrong. Is that even possible? I have this expectation of what's "supposed" to happen, and when it doesn't I get discouraged. I don't know where this expectation came from. I think that maybe I just built it up based on what other people say theirs is like. I know that it's different for everyone because everyone's relationship is different, but when nothing happens I get lost because I have no idea what to do. I think I may have made it more difficult on myself, reading all kinds of different devotionals and what they claim the "best formula" is. It's weird because I feel like my quiet time shouldn't follow a formula, but then without it I'm at a loss as to what to do. I feel like this is the reason that I'm not getting anything out of it. I have such a desire to get something out of it, to build this awesome relationship, I just have no idea how to achieve it. And I feel like it's even harder because I don't have anyone that I talk to about it. I have no idea where to go from here. My expectations, I feel, are blocking me from what should be an awesome experience. I don't know how to get past them.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

If it's true that God is faithful to the faithful then I'm excited about the days to come. This week I have been doing my quiet time every day. (the true test will come over the weekend when I seem to have the hardest time with it) I'm really feeling a difference. I feel more relaxed. I'm actually doing better in my classes! Even though my attention span this week has been shorter than normal. Yesterday I got a 95 on a test in my Sex Offenders class.

I've decided that at this point there's no reason for me to get a job. I'm leaving in like 2 months. I applied for temporary positions, but so far nothing has worked out. I'm thinking that it's going to be better for me to focus on my classes and on getting good grades. The only thing that's going to suck is not having any money come Christmas time. I'm trying to figure out a way to make that not happen.

Anyway. Today has turned out not bad. My grandparents left about an hour or so ago. So I got my bedroom back, which is great. I got to enjoy some alone time for a while, but then my dad came home early. I have no idea what the plan is for this weekend. Hopefully we'll get to do some stuff with my car.

Anyway. That's all I got for now I guess.

I need a strong drink and a coma.

It's amazing what you can accomplish with sheer adrenaline. Today I woke up, tired like I've never been with the worst cramps in the world. I couldn't move they were so bad. Luckily I keep Midol on my headboard for emergencies such as this. Not five minutes after I woke up I got a phone call from my mother. She was calling to tell me that my grandparents were coming for a visit and were less than an hour away. Oh, and that the house needed to be cleaned ASAP. I wanted to cry. It was just my sister and I and I couldn't ask her to do everything by herself. So here I am in pain and cranky. I had to force myself out of bed. Well the house got cleaned (in record time, I might add) but still no sign of the grandparents. Turns out they're now 40 minutes away. They've decided to take their time and stop at a few little places here and there. They're going to be a while. Meanwhile, it's been a few hours since the house needed to be cleaned. I could have slept through the cramps and still had time to clean! How frustrating. Then, on top of that, my bedroom was volunteered for them to stay in. So now I've been kicked out of my comfortable place! Of all the days!

I am pretty proud though. I managed to take a little time before cleaning to do my quiet time. Perhaps that's what got me through!

Nicotine is just about as toxic as cyanide.

So today has actually turned out not to be that bad.

Well, after I got sick from the stress that I had put myself under. Before that, I was a mess! Alls well that ends well, I hear. I finished studying for my test and got a B. Which means that right now I have a B average in the class. I'm pretty happy with that, though I'd like to turn it into an A if possible. Today is also the second day that I've successfully done my quiet time. I think that's making a huge difference. I actually felt 100% less stressed afterwards.

I also managed to get in a couple yoga poses between studying and my test. I think that helped my muscles to not be so tense.

Part of the reason that I was stressed was because I thought I was behind in my classes, but it turns out I'm not. I'm actually right on schedule. I'd like to be a little bit ahead, but I worry that if I do that then I'll think that I'm more ahead than I actually am and then cause myself to fall behind. I can be lazy like that.

Anyway. We're having tacos for dinner and I'm pretty excited about that.

People piss me off

I'm really pissed off about this weekend, and I need to vent. I'm angry at my friend for treating me the way that she did. If I had known that this weekend was going to be more for her to meet this guy she met online than to spend time with me (we haven't seen each other in MONTHS) than I wouldn't have gone. She was gone the night that some guy tried to climb in my hotel window. She had left to hook up with the guy she met. Mind you, he lives in Japan and was on leave and flew down here to meet her. That fact was told to me while we were already on our way. I didn't know the entire weekend would go around him. Again Saturday night, she invited him along to the amusement park, which might not have been so bad had I not felt like a third wheel the whole time. Not to mention the part where they both made fun of Christians. Him I just attribute that to being a jerk, but she should have known better. After that she left me again to go hook up with him. I didn't see her until it was time to check out of the hotel. Then, she acts as if somehow she's all affected by the fact that some guy tried to climb in our hotel window. SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE!!! The whole weekend, all we talked about was her and this guy. How she wasn't sure that it was going to go anywhere, but she had sex with him anyway. Then all of a sudden it turned into "maybe he could be the one." By the time I got home I was so sick of her voice that I was relieved that she had let me have some time to myself when she left to sleep with him. Then! She had the nerve to turn my plan into moving after graduation into her plan also. And guess who she's going to be living with? According to her, me. Well I don't think so. I think that the whole reason she invited me this weekend was to use me as an excuse to her family as to why she was going away for the weekend. Because after the incident Friday night, she called her grandmother and made a whole deal out of crying and saying she was scared and that we were switching hotels. Then on Sunday she tries telling me that she didn't sleep with him. She just "fell asleep" in his hotel room. Yeah right. She said that sleeping with him would be a bad idea seeing as how they just met, and that she wouldn't have left me to sleep with him because she was a better friend than that. That's what pisses me off the most! Because she did leave me to sleep with him, she later admitted it! Just be honest with me. UGH.

I feel better.

MMMMMMm Teegeback

This weekend was a good mix of decisions, some bad, most good. But it was definitely an experience. It's always a weird feeling when you feel, yet again, that you and your friends are in different stages of life. Then there are friends where you wonder what you were ever thinking. That was sort of the case this weekend. When she and I first became friends, I was still into partying and she was just the friend to do it with. I realized this weekend that she's still into it, and I'm not. Did you ever have that friend that after some time apart, you started to miss, and then you spend some time together and you just get so annoyed that you realize why you don't spend more time together? Yup. That was my weekend. Aside from that, though, the trip itself was pretty fun. Well, most of it. Friday night (well saturday morning around 5:30) I woke up to see a hand moving the curtain of my hotel room. Yeah, that pretty much put any chance of sleeping to rest. So I spent the better part of 2 hours dealing with the hotel staff (who was fantastic about everything) and the cops. The hotel comped our stay and put us up at another hotel Saturday night for free. A much nice hotel in a much nicer part of town. Saturday night we spent 6 hours at an amusement park. Sleeping after that was bliss. Then today we slowly made our way home. I'm relieved to be home, though. I miss sleeping in my bed when I'm gone. When I got home, my mom had baked my favorite Christmas cookies! What a great way to come home. I could smell them as soon as I opened the door. It was fantastic. I'm actually eating them as I type this! So I was lucky this weekend, in a lot of ways. God was really watching out for me. It actually made me rethink a lot of things. The Bible says that God is faithful to the faithful. Well that certainly must be true, because I haven't been very faithful, but God has! It's an eye-opener, I tell you what.

So this week I'm really going to make an effort. I have a lot of homework to do, I have a research paper that I really need to get started on and tomorrow I have a test to study for and then take on Tuesday. Right now I'm just spending some time with my family. Oh, I came home to the news that my brother had moved home. So that'll be interesting. I guess that's all I've got for now.

why do I make bad decisions?

Random....

so, I got my homework done on time. Early, actually. So that was a relief. Now I just have to read the chapter and take notes. And I had time to go shopping, and picked up a delicious hamburger helper type meal. It was much better than I expected it to be. I just finished watching Private Practice and now I'm watching Grey's Anatomy. I'm so glad that ABC puts their shows online. This is really the only night, other than Law And Order: SVU on Tuesday nights, where I am able to watch the shows when they're on tv. Otherwise I watch the online. Haha. Just kidding. I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and then Desperate Housewives on Sunday nights. So that makes Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays.

Mmmm. I have gummi bears to keep me company. So delicious.

Oh man. I'm so excited about this weekend. Halloween fun, roller coasters, and margaritas! What could be better? Oh, haha. Just in case you're worried, I'm not mixing margaritas with Halloween fun and roller coasters. I don't think that'd end too well. But I will disappear off the radar from tomorrow afternoon(ish) until Sunday.


Have I mentioned that I hate commercials?

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Other Christmas albums I recommend:

• Dave Koz - A Smooth Jazz Christmas (fantastic!)
  
• Il Divo - The Christmas Collection
• Kenny G - okay well he has like 5. get them all. Seriously. (even if you do it the illegal way) JUST KIDDING! or am I?
  

Once again, I'm procrastinating. Oh well. The only thing that sucks about that is that today's class is pretty involved. I have a case profile in the beginning of the chapter to read. Then I have to read the chapter. This is pretty boring stuff, plus I have to take notes. Along the way, I have to answer questions about the case profile using information I've "learned" from the chapter. The professor is a hard grader, too. So that just makes it involved. But I've got dinner planned out! Yay for that.

Ah! So my mom just called me to tell me that I needed to go shopping for dinner. On one hand, this is good because it means I don't need to cook. I can pick up something easy for dinner. On the other hand, I already had dinner planned! Oh well. Such is life. At least in my house.

And my homework is kicking my butt. It needs to be submitted by 5, and I've got 25 pages (of the most boring stuff) to read and take notes on. Plus 5 questions to answer that are detailed and will take a ridiculous amount of time and BS to answer. Hooray for college! I think I'm going to just read the case profile, answer the questions using the stuff on the page that they're on, and do the actual reading later. It is going to take me at least 3 hours to get ALL of this done with how boring the text is and how involved the questions are. One of them involves creating my own prevention program and all the things that entails. Ugh. I hate this class.

Oh, and I've managed to narrow down my 4 favorite Christmas songs.

1. Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Little Drummer Boy (I especially like the version by Bing Crosby and David Bowie)
3. Silver Bells
4. Baby, It's Cold Outside (only the version by Leon Redbone and Zooey Deschanel.)

This is why I can't focus on my homework. My attention span is getting shorter and shorter as the minutes go by. Ah well. It makes for entertaining blogs.

A bunch of thoughts.... this may not be very cohesive

Ugh. Let me just start off by saying that I hate PMS. I'm all hot and cranky. Not to mention the only one home with the puppy, which means that she's extra aggravating today. Plus, I'm tired. Not a good combination, I must say. And I didn't start thinking about what to make for dinner until it was too late.

I'm so excited about this weekend. I could really use a break and a chance to get to go out with people my own age who actually enjoy the things that I do. I'm leaving on Friday afternoon(ish) and coming back Sunday. It should be a good time.

I feel very A.D.D. I have a lot of things that I want to do (not today, obviously.) Ideas that are swirling around in my head. I want to make my own Christmas cards this year. I think that could be fun. Plus, I want to get the speakers fixed in my car. Right now only one works, which is great because at least one works, but it'd be fantastic if all of them worked. There's other stuff, but I can't think of it at the moment.

Oh. I got a bunch of Christmas songs by Diana Krall, thinking that I'd like her. I don't. I don't particularly care for her voice, and her style is so strange. Someone told me that she was like Ella Fitzgerald. She's not.

I have a feeling this winter (haha funny joke) is going to be really warm. That makes me sad.

I have been spending a lot of time over at craftster (again!) and it makes me want to get out my needles and hooks and crochet and knit. Too bad it's too freakin' hot for that.

I love Ella Fitzgerald's Christmas album. I mean, I knew I would, but still.

Facebook got a Pacman application, and I love it.

I've decided that I'm getting a kitten, not a puppy, when I do get my own place. They're a lot less work.

I was very surprised to find out that Harry Connick Jr is a pretty good singer.

Mmk. I think I'm done.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.... just like the ones I used to know

Ugh. Homework sucks the energy out of me. At least I got it done today! Listened to Christmas music pretty much the whole time. That was pretty cool. Except for the first little while I listened to Michael Buble. Now I keep meaning to see if I can get any of Billie Holiday's Christmas stuff.

Oh, and I decided this year I'm going to make my own Christmas cards. 'Cause yeah, it's cooler. Or something. Other than the fact that I'm kinda tired, today has been pretty good. Nothing to complain about. I wonder what's on tv tonight. Hmm maybe I'm tired because I didn't sleep well last night. That might explain it.

I'm very disappointed with the weather. The forecast for the next 10 days is in the low 90s. Unacceptable! Don't these people know it's autumn (I've determined that's much more fitting than "fall") and it's supposed to cool off?! Maybe I should write a letter. I'll let ya know how that goes.

Mmk. Back to Craftster I go.

Hooray for self-indulgence!

Today was definitely a day of self indulgence for me. Something that I find myself doing less and less lately. I got the opportunity to spend some time with my sister, so we went out for dinner and did a little bit of shopping. I managed to pick up for myself a really cute camera case. I needed one for my digital camera. I don't want the screen getting scratched, but I need something that will fit in my purse with all my stuff. And then bonus! The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet was on sale. I'm watching it now. I love this movie. Plus, it doesn't hurt that it's a Christmas-y movie. Then I got that urge to clean, and so I cleaned my bedroom. Not only that, but now everything is organized, I threw away crap I didn't need, and managed to get my bookshelf looking decent. That's pretty exciting. Now all I need is to light a candle, and I'll feel better. I'm just too lazy to get up. It'll happen eventually. Or not at all. Whatever.

mmm wine and good music

I like the freedom of writing. Sometimes it just feels good to write with no set purpose. I'm thankful for an outlet that lets me do that. I'm also thankful for the (relative) anonymity of this blog. With the exception of a handful of people, no one that I know reads this. That gives me freedom to talk about things that I wouldn't discuss with just anyone. I can be honest, and I don't feel that I have to pretend for the sake of other people or to "save face." I'm thankful for that, too.

I've noticed that a lot of people who blog do it with purpose. There are political blogs, entertainment blogs, people who consider themselves experts on one thing or another and they blog about that. There are blogs on knitting, scrapbooking, music and movies. For a while I struggled with the "purpose" of my blog. I thought that the reason for it was to get a billion people to read my blog. I felt that somehow that validated me. But now, I'm kind of glad that I don't have that many people. It would be overwhelming, and I would feel pressure to live up to some sort of standards.

Anyway. That was just a lot of rambling. I'm in a pretty mellow mood tonight. Not a whole lot going on. I've strayed from Christmas music for the moment, and I'm listening to a playlist in iTunes that is titled "mellow." It's mosty jazz music, but there's also a few vocals thrown in here and there that are calming. I managed to get through today without doing any homework. But thats okay, because I'm not behind like I thought I was. I'm actually doing pretty well. I thought that I had stuff due next week that isn't due until the week after, so that's a huge relief.

Here's to hoping that a good glass of wine will help me sleep better. The last couple of nights I've had a hard time sleeping.

Oh and this might be TMI but I pretty much don't care. I know I'm gonna start my period because I was in a cleaning frenzy today. And I can tell that I will be tomorrow too. It always happens the week before I start. Lucky me.

Since I'm in the spirit

I decided that it would be a good idea (and a good way to procrastinate) to make a list of some of my favorite Christmas albums, along with favorite song on the album. Oh yes, I am a model student.

• Michael Buble - Let It Snow (of course!)
• White Christmas
• Relient K - Deck The Halls, Bruise Your Hand
• 12 Days of Christmas
• Third Day - Christmas Offerings
• Do You Hear What I Hear?
• Ella Fitzgerald - Ella Wishes You A Swinging Christmas
• Sleigh Ride
• Harry Connick Jr. - Harry For The Holidays
• Nothin' New for New Year (I know it's sad, oh well!)
• Hanson - Snowed In (don't laugh! it's good!)
• Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

There are also a lot of artists that don't have Christmas albums (shame on them!) or songs I like that aren't on any particular albums.

• The Drifters - White Christmas
• Jessica Simpson - What Christmas Means To Me
  
• Audio Adrenaline - Little Drummer Boy
• Copeland - Do You Hear What I Hear?
• Bing Crosby w/ David Bowie - Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth
• The Darkness - Christmas Time
• Pedro The Lion - I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day
• Leon Redbone & Zooey Deschanel - Baby It's Cold Outside (my second favorite song!)
• Hellogoodbye - Winter Wonderland
• Flyleaf - Do You Hear What I Hear? (my favorite Christmas song)
• Rob Thomas - New York City Christmas
• The Ronettes - Sleigh Ride
• Spoken - Mary Did You Know

Of course, it just wouldn't be good Christmas music without Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, and the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Plus, I like instrumental stuff, like Dave Koz and Kenny G.

yeah. I'm weird. Whatever.

hooray for shoes!

I've decided that tomorrow is the day. My away message says this:
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of here, I'm tired of the weather
I think I need a new town
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice.
But I don't want to have to wait for my new life to start. So tomorrow is the day that I do it. There's so many things that I want this to mean. This includes organizing my life, not being so down on this blog, working out, eating better, doing well in my classes, and moving away from friendships that were holding me back.

Anyway. I'm really excited about this.

And I just have to say that I'm envious of cute girls with cute shoes (read:kara) who's boyfriends bring them presents from Italy!

hooray!

Oh man. I'm so excited I can barely contain it!

By July of 2009, I will be a resident of Connecticut. Well, hopefully. That's the date that I have in mind. It might be as late as September or October, but definitely within two years from now I want to be there. If I didn't have a year of school left, it would be within a year from now. But I'm so excited! I'm moving up there with a close friend. Two years gives me enough time to finish school, save up money, and find a law school up there that I want to go to. Oh, and study and take the LSATs.

I'm more sure of this than I am of law school. Which is exciting because that means it's going to happen!

is it possible?

So apparently I have a tendency not to want anything half-hearted. I guess that's the best way to put it. For the past couple of days, all I can think about is how I miss the changing of the seasons and how I can't wait to be done with school so I can figure out a way to move up north. I'm even thinking about going to law school somewhere else. It doesn't help that on one of the forums that I love (random fact about me: I love to craft), everyone is now starting to work on and show off all the cold weather stuff (scarves, hats, sweaters, etc...) I just realized that the desire to live somewhere else is just as strong as the desire to go to Italy. I will do both. It's just a matter of when. I wonder how much it costs to live somewhere else as opposed to here... Perhaps in an effort to keep this at bay, I will crochet a lapgan. Ha. That makes me sound like an old lady. Whatever. I always did get funny stares from people when they saw me knitting. One guy even told me that it was for grandmothers. Stupid people.

Other than that, today is a relatively boring day. I'm getting all my stuff together for this week. I have a lot of homework that needs to get done. Plus I think I'm going to find some devo's online and print them out until I can find a book.

I can't believe I'm actually seriously considering this.

mmmmm cookies

So this is going to reveal the strangeness that is my family, but I don't care. I love my family, and yes they're strange, but so am I.

My mom is baking (hooray!) and we're listening to Christmas music.

Yes, you read that right. Christmas music. Meanwhile, it's like 95 degrees outside. Unbearably hot. I wish it would cool down. She has also decided to order LL Bean catalogs. Yesterday I posted about kind of missing the changing of the seasons, but today it hit me hard. I miss it really badly. The catalog has all kinds of winter stuff in it, and seeing the beautiful pictures of the snow made me miss it terribly. I suddenly realized that there's no way I could live here for the rest of my life. Aside from the fact that the cost of living is pretty high, it's all one season practically. Two, if you really want to be technical. That's not the point. I realized today that I don't want to live here. Once I'm done with college, I think I'm going to look into moving somewhere a little north of here. If you had asked me 7 years ago when I moved here if I would ever miss it up north, I would have laughed at you. I honestly thought I wouldn't, but now I do. It's weird. What's worse is that this is the only thing that I'm positively for sure of about what I want to do after college. Law school scares the bejeebus out of me.

Great Expectations

We are coming up on what might possibly be my favorite season. Unfortunately, here we don't have the changing of the leaves. When I lived up north, I was a lot younger and didn't appreciate the beauty of the changing of the seasons. Now that I live in a climate where this change is drastically different (and less noticeable) I find myself missing the changing of the colors, and the smell of fall. Living up north, we had a farm. The house was heated by a furnace, not central heating. So that meant that we had to cut wood, and stack it in the basement. I don't miss the heavy labor involved, but I do miss the smell of burning wood. Here, all we really get is the dropping of the temperature. Which is nice, don't get me wrong. It's just not the same. I really am excited, though, about the cooler weather. I'm especially excited about the holidays. They've always been a big deal in my family. We go all out with decorations and stuff. The best part, though, is all the baking that gets done in my house. That's another smell I associate with fall, is all the baking that gets done. Yeah, I'm pretty sure October-January is my favorite time of year. I can't wait until it cools off enough to where I can start knitting stuff again. It's just too warm the rest of the year.

I think I'll go to Boston, I think I'll start a new life.

Ahh the comforts of home. There's just something about being home. I love it. Not that I didn't love being back with everyone for a week, but it was strange. Anyway.

I'm really having a hard time with my quiet time. I was supposed to be looking for a new devo, and my friend and I were going to do them together and kind of compare. That hasn't been working out because we haven't found a book. I, however, have found quite a few books that I want to try, so I think I'm going to try doing it on my own again. I was doing so well for a while, and I just stopped again. I really need to get back into this. I'm starting to see the consequences again in other areas of my life. I'm sleeping a lot, again. My homework is getting done, but not in the time frame that I'd like. So I might order the book online, I have a discount with Borders from my membership, so I think I'm gonna get it from there. Aww. I can't use my discount online. That makes me sad.

Anyway. Even if I can't get the book right away, I'm gonna try getting back into the routine I had going for what, a week? It was better than nothing. I just have to have the self discipline to stick with it.

Oh, and apparently I'm going to start working out. This is what I'm telling myself. HA! We'll see. My friend hast lost 8 pounds by doing sit ups and eating healthier. That's what I want to do. Plus, I would like to be able to work a couple days a week, if this temp agency would just find me something!

headaches and rain

So tonight's pretty crazy. We have a flash flood warning. Makes me glad I decided not to drive home tonight. I love the rain, though. So it all works out.

I'm pretty tired though. I think I'm gonna go to sleep soon. I'm starting to get a headache.

I thought I had something to say, but I guess I was wrong. Oh well. I'm feeling a lot better about stuff.

Family guy cracks me up.

Ahh..... clarity

I'm so thankful for friends that I can confide in, and who will give me advice. I'm also grateful that I can talk to my parents about what's going on. I was able to talk to my dad a little bit today about the things that I've been faced with the past couple of days. Even though he didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know, or hadn't already heard, he did reinforce a lot of the things that I have been thinking. He also pointed out things that I had thought about but didn't really give any weight to. Since talking to him, I have felt so much better about things. I realize now that this is just a part of maturing and moving on.

Honestly, I feel relieved. I'm ready to move into a more professional part of my life. I realize now that this means getting rid of some of the things (and people) that were holding me back.

so true

courtesy of Post Secret

Growing Pains

Maturing is a difficult situation. I guess that's the right word for it? i don't even know. It's a strange feeling when you feel as if you're outgrowing your peers. I mean, it really wouldn't be the first time in my life, I guess. I've always been a little more mature than my peers. But now it's a different situation. I think living at home has really propelled me into the "young professional" mode. It's something that I actually find myself enjoying. I love getting all dressed up, and I'm excited about the kind of work atmosphere that I'm finding myself in with the types of jobs that I'm getting into.

I don't know. I'm just in a weird place. I find myself not having much in common with the people that I used to. There are a few people here that I don't feel that with, and for that I'm grateful. But it's hard when one of them is moving away at the same time that I'm moving back and the other is engaged and has a busy schedule. This is sort of presenting an issue for me (mostly when I move back) because the things that I enjoy doing are not the things that other people I know enjoy doing. I like going out for drinks, which is one of the biggest things because most of the people that I hang out with don't drink. I am not really that fond of sitting around and doing nothing a lot. At least when I'm hanging out with friends. But more than that, I just feel like I don't have anything in common with any of these people.

I just don't know. I'm excited about moving back. I just hope that I'm able to find people that I have similar interests with. Plus, hopefully by then one of the people that I do have these things in common with will have moved back.

I don't really know what else to say. Now I just feel as if I'm repeating myself. This trip has been interesting and I've realized a lot.