It's lovely weather for a sleigh ride (I wish!)

I've come to the conclusion that people have little detectors that go off whenever I decide to have some "me" time. I've been exhausted for the past few days, so today after my classes I decided I was going to sleep until I felt better and then work on my papers. I went to sleep at 2 and woke up at 7. I still haven't gotten around to writing my papers, but since 2, I've received phone calls from 5 different people, one person has called about 4 times, and gotten two text messages. Understand that this is highly unusual for me. Normally, I only receive about 2 phone calls in an entire day and maybe one text message. Now, one friend I can understand because she's having an especially hard time lately, but as for the others, COME ON! This is ridiculous. If I don't answer the phone the first two times, chances are good that I'm not going to answer the third, fourth, or fifth times either. Also, I've had an away message up pretty much all day and I haven't talked to anyone. It's just been some good "me" time. Except I haven't worked on either of my papers at all, which is not good. They're both due on Friday, one at 10 a.m. and the other by 6 p.m. Ugh. Guess what I'll be doing tomorrow?

Anyway. It's 2:30 a.m. and I'm going to go back to sleep. I'm tired again.

Hooray for hot cocoa and Christmas music!

a beautiful collision is happening now

I hate the way my fingers are stiff when I wake up in the morning.

Hooray for an amazing God!

Last night I picked up an early shift at work. What a blessing! I also picked up a few shifts in the coming week. That will definitely be so great. It will help out with the money that I've spent, and with money for Christmas. Plus I keep forgetting that I get to sell my books back soon!

Last night I got off work at 11:30, and I ended up going to Jess' apartment to hang out with her and stay the night. It was definitely very much what I needed. It wasn't anything profound, we just hung out but it was great after not having seen anyone for a week.

gah.

So much to say but the words won't come!

I have class today at 2, and another at 4. I have two papers due this week, one on Thursday and one on Friday. The one on Friday came as a big surprise because I thought it was due next week and I had absolutely no clue what it was supposed to be about. So that's kinda crappy, but it'll get done. I have no choice. The other paper is one I've known about for a few weeks, but as usual, I put it off til the last possible minute.

UGH! I hate growing up and becoming an adult. There's too much responsibility. I will gladly trade the "freedoms" of living on your own for the lack of responsibility that comes with not being an adult.

I think the thing that hurts me more than anything else is when I see my friends hurting and I don't know what to do to help, or even worse there's nothing I can do to help.

Definitely NOT studying :(

so I'm in the library. It's 8:30. Obviously I didn't go to Late Nite. I need to study for this test so that I can get a decent grade and keep my gpa up. It's not that I haven't gotten anything done, it's just that it's coming along slowly. I've got my Starbucks mug, full of coffee that's chock full of sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon. I'm doing this review so slowly. It's just not interesting. I honestly don't know how this is going to keep my attention at all! It doesn't help that the study rooms are like 4 feet away and the group of people inside one of them is really loud. She keeps laughing loudly and getting all excited. It's pretty distracting. At least I remembered to bring my headphones so I can listen to music. My friend is flying back into town and she's going to join me here and we're going to have a "library party"! I must say I'm pretty excited. After a week at home, I'm ready to see someone that's not family! haha.

So, last night I was sitting in my bed, playing on my computer and watching television. Chris IMed me. It was kinda odd. He kinda acted like nothing happened at first. So I flat out asked him why I hadn't heard from him for two weeks. He claimed he thought I 'was mad at him' and then pointed out that I hadn't IMed him either. When I asked why he thought I was mad at him, he didn't answer then said that he was going to watch tv and would talk to me later. Shockingly, he hasn't IMed me. I'm pretty okay with that.

Mmm. So I'm officially a criminology major. That's pretty exciting. I get to take my basic criminology classes next semester. I have a feeling that next semester will go better than this one.

YAY! the noisy group left. Now I might be able to focus a little more. Ha. Who am I kidding? Oh well, I'll get some stuff done. Eventually. For now, I'll continue to pretend I'm doing something. Maybe I'll run downstairs and get more coffee. I think I'll bite the bullet and ask the guy two tables over to watch my stuff. I hate doing stuff like that, but 1) I don't feel comfortable just leaving my stuff and 2) I refuse to pack up my stuff just to go get more coffee, especially because I have a table right by an outlet. Curses.

there's a smile when the pain comes, the pain's gonna make everything alright

This week has been good for me. I didn't get to do the things I had planned, but I'm okay with that. I was supposed to study for a test and hang out with an old friend. I did neither of those. I did spend lots of time with my family, and I watched two movies that I've never seen. I saw You, Me, and Dupree and Over The Hedge. They were both really funny and cute.

This week was very relaxing. It was very good for me, helped me put a lot of things into perspective. I don't know, leaving is kinda bittersweet. As Jess put it, I'm not "ready for normal life." I just want this semester to be over. I want to find another job and not have to worry about this dumb job.

I don't know. I'm in a weird mood. It's a mix between PMS, anxiety, and like a happy sadness. I'm having a really hard time with this whole "friend" situation. If it's true that in the past few weeks I've learned who my real friends are then that means that I'm not left with very many real friends.

wow. so I just realized that I haven't done my quiet time at all this week. I haven't spent any time with God. I honestly don't know what my problem is. There were actually a couple of days where it never occurred to me to even do it. Actually, I don't think there were any days that it occurred to me that I should do it. I mean, why do I feel like I "should" do it? Before this week, it wasn't even a matter of should or shouldn't. It was honestly something that I wanted. I don't know what changed.

This post is a bunch of ramblings that probably won't make much sense to anyone except me.

I hate it when you feel like crying but the tears won't come. The worst part is that most of this is probably attributed to PMS. I feel like I need something but I don't know what.

"I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on. And there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes still I will praise You."

Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.

It's the greatest feeling when God puts people into your life who help you to be a better person.

I know You're alive, You came to fix my broken life and I sing to glorify Your holy name, Jesus Christ.

I'm so thankful for all the blessings in my life. Sometimes I may not always see them, and I may not always act that way, but I am aware that they're continually coming my way.

On second thought, maybe I am ready to go back to normal life.

33 days til christmas!

There's nothing like coming home.

Nothing can compare to the feeling of home. I love being here. I know that I've complained about heing home, and that by the time I leave, I'll probably be ready to go, but for now I'm just so happy to be here. It's definitely a needed break from the stress of school and life in general.

I missed my mom so much. I'm so excited about spending time with her and doing all the holiday stuff with her. On Saturday we're going to put up our Christmas tree, I think. I'm so super excited about it!

Anyway. I'm probably going to go to sleep now.

I Stole this from Ellie (and changed the return directions)

1. What time is it? 3:48 p.m.
2. Full Name? Amber
3. What do you fear most? Spiders, and being alone
4. What do you drive? When I go home, it's a Ford Taurus, when I'm at school, nothing
5. Have you ever seen a ghost? No, I don't believe in ghosts
6. Where were you born? New Mexico
7. Ever been to Alaska? No
8. Ever been toilet papering rolling in decorating trees? No
9. Croutons or Bacon bits? Bacon Bits
10. Favorite day of the week: Sunday
11. Favorite restaurant: Olive Garden, but I'm really missing home cooked meals
12. Favorite Flower: Lily
13. Favorite sport to watch: football
14. Favorite Drink: Margarita...(oh good answer ellie!) other than that, sweet tea
15. Favorite Ice cream: strawberry
16. Disney or Warner Brothers: I don't really care
17. Favorite fast food restaurant: mmmmmm Chick fil a or Subway
18. What color is your bedroom carpet? uhh this ugly dark gray
19. How many times you failed your driver's test? none
20. Before this one, who did you get your last e-mail from? (well this wasn't an email) but the last one was from the director of the BCM
21. What do you do most often when you are bored? uhh sleep? that's probably what I do
22. Bedtime: whenever I either a) get tired or b) get home
23. Who will respond to this email the quickest? I have no clue
24. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? Doesn't apply
25. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses? Pretty much everyone
26. Favorite TV show? Grey's Anatomy
27. Ford or Chevy? it really doesn't matter to me
28. What are you listening to right now? my new cd, "Become What You Believe" by Last Tuesday
29. What are your favorite colors? Pink, Purple, and black
30. How many tattoos do you have? four!
31. Do you have any pets? I have a cat at home
32. Which came first the chicken or the egg? Chicken
33. What would you like to accomplish before you die? wow... I'd really like to impact (read:change) the world, but smaller than that, I'd like to finish college, get married, have a family, and lead people to Christ
34. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? I'm not, I am going to post it on my blog.
35. If you could go anywhere real or not where would you go? I really want to go to Italy, Greece, New York, and Germany
36. If you could meet anyone in the world, who would it be? hmm, Jon Bon Jovi, David Crowder, Mac Powell (actually all of Third Day), Bono (from U2), the man I'm going to marry, Ellie, Hillsong, and there's more but I can't think of them
37. What time is it now? 3:56 p.m.

RETURN DIRECTIONS: Since this is no longer an "email" questionnaire (i like that word), I've changed the directions. Copy and paste this into your own blog (no matter where it is) and put in your own answers. let me know that you did it so I can go check out your answers!

That's what Christmas means to me

ah! so proud of myself! well, kinda. I'm currently in the library. What am I doing in the library you ask? Well I'll tell you. I'm studying!

don't have a heart attack, I know it's a shock. It is to me, too. I've got my laptop (obviously!), my constitutional law book, all my study guide stuff, and Christmas music! That's right, I said Christmas music. You better believe that it's not too early to be listening to Christmas music. I'm really super excited about the holidays. I can't wait to see my family! I'm going home on probably Tuesday. I get to help decorate for Christmas!!!!! I'm so flippin excited, I'm gonna take so many pictures! I wish it would stay cold, it was 81 degrees yesterday! That is not holiday weather! But even that can't get me down! I'm feeling so much better!

I'm sleeping better, getting enough and not sleeping all day. I can't remember the last time I took a nap in the middle of the day! (yeah yeah it was last week, whatever) I've been to every class thus far, and I'm even paying attention. It's pretty great. I've officially decided to switch my major to criminology, and I have an appointment on Monday with the advisor so I can figure out what classes I need to sign up for next semester. I'm also picking up a few shifts here and there at work. I spent a lot more money than I planned on in the past week or so, and I need to make it back. Especially considering Christmas is coming up and I have a few gifts I need to purchase. Mainly for family. There's only a few friends getting actual gifts (not because of money but because there's only a few people that have been good enough friends to actually warrant a gift. The rest of my friends are getting cards and probably cookies. I'm really super excited because tomorrow is the Sanctus Real concert!!!! I can't wait!!!!

Anyway, I know I promised Ellie a post about my family's Christmas traditions, but that's gonna be a whole separate post. I'm getting ready to head back to my room and do some more work there. I'll probably end up posting again before the night is through.

one more!

okay, this is the last post tonight. I promise! (it's 4:41!!! GOSH)

God is amazing.

For like a month now, I've been unable to find my rings. I've looked pretty much everywhere, with no luck. Finally I figured that I'd left them at home last time I was there and gave up looking. Well just a little while ago I was standing at my (open) window enjoying the cold, fresh air (I LOVE FRESH AIR!) and having a conversation with God. I was just asking Him to reveal Himself to me. I was hoping for a shooting star or something. I love that God has a sense of humor, and I love that He always reveals Himself in ways that I least expect it. So I stood there for a while, with nothing. I was like well I should go to sleep. So I got all comfy in my bed, and all of a sudden it occurred to me that possibly I stuck my rings in a zippered part of a purse that I haven't used in forever. I was like no, no way. I decided to wait until I wake up later to check, because seriously what was the likelihood of that being where my rings were? All of a sudden I couldn't stand it, so I got out of bed and found the purse, and there they were! Right under my nose the whole time! I love God's sense of humor. He always reveals Himself to me in the tiniest of ways, and always when I least expect it!

If I ain't smart enough to say I'm sorry, it's just because the words got in the way

I'm beginning to think that it wasn't such a good idea to have 7 cups of coffee after 10 p.m. It's now 3:04 a.m. and I can't sleep. There are so many thoughts in my head, and I'm just not tired.

Luckily, Family Guy is on, and I think it's an episode that I haven't seen. Though now that it's been on for longer than 30 seconds, I do believe that I've seen it. Which means, of course, that there's nothing good on television. Yep, I've seen it.

Moving on.

I'm proud of myself because I buckled down and did homework tonight. I even read the chapter that correlates with tomorrow's lecture! This not having to work thing is really agreeing with me, I think. Too bad I can't sleep. I made a joke about pulling an all-nighter. I didn't really think that's what I would be doing.

I turned the television off and turned on some music. Maybe getting some of my thoughts out will help me sleep. Of course, that is dependent on my thought staying in my brain long enough to type it out. Caffeine really does wonders if you don't get it that often. Normally I drink orange juice and water. Occasionally I have sweet tea, or hot tea once in a while. But more often than not it's water and orange juice. I don't really drink soda that often, and I can't remember the last time I had a real cup of coffee before tonight. So you can imagine what 7 cups in a 2 hour span can do to me.

So I'm supposed to register for next semester's classes on Thursday. Except, I'm thinking about switching my major to criminology so I need to meet with the criminology advisor and I can't do that until Monday. Which means I won't be able to register until then.

I imagine coffee is a lot like alcohol. If you drink it on an empty stomach, the effects are worse. Apparently I didn't eat enough.

Friday I'm going to see Sanctus Real and I'm stoked! They're pretty much my new favorite band, and it's only gonna be like 14 bucks. Super excited!

So I did a crazy thing this weekend. (actually, I did a couple) I told Chris that it wasn't like it was before. I know you're confused. Bear with me. He had a four day pass this weekend and he was in town (or nearby.) Now to understand this story, you have to understand that before he left the army we were kind of friends with benefits. He claimed he was "getting to know me" and in no place to be in a relationship. At that point I was just looking for attention and he happened to be giving it to me. Plus, I was attracted to him. I (and in no way am I proud of this) used to go over to his apartment at 3 a.m. and he would put in a Family Guy dvd and we would pretty much make out. So anyway, he was in town this weekend. Well he said that he wanted to see me. He planned on stopping by on his way to his dad's house on Saturday night. He basically told me that he only had an hour to spend with me, and you can pretty much guess how he wanted to spend it. I told him that we couldn't hang out in my room, and that I just wanted to hang out with him. Well all of a sudden it was "later than he thought" and couldn't we just hang out on Sunday? So I agreed, saying that we could go to lunch or something. Well, the only time he could hang out with me on Sunday was at night (of course) and on the way from his dad's house back to his mom's (or possibly GA I don't know.) I don't really remember how it came up, but I told him that we weren't going to spend any time making out, and that I was no longer interested in him. Shocking how that little revelation all of a sudden changed everything and no longer was he going to have time to "stop by" for an hour or so. Not that I was surprised, nor was I disappointed. I was actually pretty relieved that I didn't have to deal with that anymore. Suffice to say, I don't think I'll be hearing much from him.

The other shocking thing that I've done recently is made the decision to not date. It came after a long struggle with not being in a relationship. After considering my past relationships, I pretty much concluded that I'm horrible when it comes to picking guys for myself. The next guy that I date is going to be the guy that God means for me to marry. And I'm okay with that. Until then, I'm keeping myself pure, and I'm honoring my future husband. That for me is pretty dramatic.

AHHHHHHHHHH so let me just say this: CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!!

I'm so flippin' excited. I've already busted out the Christmas cd's. And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make my own Christmas mix. Oooh... maybe that's what I'll do tonight if I can't sleep. Thanksgiving is in a week, and after that all the holiday traditions begin! I can't wait. This is my favorite time of year. Pretty much the whole month and a half surrounding Christmas. Best time of the year. Period.

Man, it's already 3:41. I wish I could sleep. I don't want to fall asleep and miss class. Especially because I put so much work into preparing for tomorrow's class.

Okay. I think I'm going to sleep now.

keep carrying that anger, it'll eat you up inside

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.
-Meredith Grey


how true is that? It's like some sick form of torture, self-mutilation if you will. Except it's emotional, spiritual, not physical. There are no physical scars. Only emotional ones.

I just finished my quiet time, and I feel amazing. I can't even begin to describe the way it feels, that incredible relief knowing that even though I messed up, I'm not ruined. Though I don't know if I was ever really worried about being "ruined." I think it was more the worry that I would feel like that forever.

His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

Starting over again...

I'm so frustrated with myself. For so many different reasons. I thought I was doing well. I was doing well. At least for a while. I don't know what my problem is. I have everything I could ever need, and then more. I have a great family who supports me, I have great friends, I'm lucky to be going to school. I really don't know what's wrong with me. I was doing really well. Then I crashed. All of a sudden I started going out again. And not just going out, but partying. I know it's wrong. I mean, I've been there and done that. I know what it's like. I know what consequences it brings. I know that its only a temporary solution. It's like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound. I think, though, that the worst of it is that even though I know I shouldn't be doing it, I don't feel guilty. Shouldn't I feel guilty? Shouldn't I have some sort of feeling? It didn't make me feel better about myself, but I don't feel bad about myself. I'm just very apathetic. I hate this. I hate not feeling anything. I wish I could feel bad about it, then maybe I could stop. It's hard because I want to stop, but at the same time, I don't. AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. That's pretty much how I feel. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to feel bad. Then when I get all of that out, I want to feel better. But I can't. I quit my job (basically) because it was causing too much stress in my life. I was sleeping all the time and missing class. I was stressed out because I'm behind in my classes. It was hindering my walk with God. I wasn't trusting Him to take care of me financially. I don't know. I felt better when I made the decision to not stay with it. It sounds bad, and I don't care. But now, I don't know. I kinda wish I hadn't. I know that I can always go back pretty much whenever I want. But when it comes right down to it, I don't want to. I don't know what I want anymore. I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up for days, and not have to worry about anything. I wanted so badly to go home this weekend. I was sooo looking forward to it, and it didn't happen. I don't know. I went out again last night. I only had a few drinks, nothing major. And I had a good time. The problem this time isn't that I went out. It has more to do with who I went out with. I know I need to get away from her. She is not a good influence, and she is definitely not helping me in my faith. I wish I was stronger, I wish I knew what to do. I wish I could fall on my knees and cry out to God, and feel better about all this. But I can't, and I don't know why. I can't pray. It doesn't feel right. I don't feel close to God. I feel like I'm just that person who always asks for forgiveness, but never changes her actions to prove that she's sorry. I can't do this by myself, and for some reason I'm too scared to completely trust God with it. Ho do I make this better?

do You think I'll be different when You're through?

I am so looking forward to a night alone.

I'm super excited about it. Right now I'm watching Ugly Betty, then after this is Grey's Anatomy. After that I plan on going to sleep early, or maybe reading a book. I'm not answering the phone, and I'm not going anywhere. After class today I went to Walmart and picked up some snacks and stuff for dinner. I kinda started cleaning today, but I wasn't in the mood to do it. So I'll do it tomorrow. It really needs to get done, and I know that the mess in here is contributing to my stress.

Anyway, tomorrow should be pretty relaxing. I'm excited about that.

I feel kinda bad, because I think Jess is worried because I'm not going to the BCM tonight. I feel like she thinks that I'm going to go out and drink or something. I mean, I can see why she'd worry. Truth be told, the desire has lessened tremendously. Don't get me wrong, it's still there, somewhere, but it's not strong enough to make me go out and do it.

Thankful for:

• not having to work anymore unless I really want to
• a weekend with the room to myself after a stressful week
• Jessica, for caring about me
• my family! for getting to see them this weekend!
  

You've stolen my heart, yes You have

This is the song that I'm currently obsessed. It's called Yes You Have by Leeland. Go here to listen to it.

It really describes the state of my heart right now. Things are just getting so much better. I have this peace that I can't describe. Nor can I explain it. I only know that it is through the grace of God that I have this inexplicable joy in the midst of all this stress.

A beautiful collision is happening NOW

So I'm sitting in class and we're discussing election results. Surprise, surprise, I know, considering I'm in a political behavior/public opinion/voting behavior class. I have a busy day today. I got a great night's sleep last night. I got home from class around 6. Around 630-7ish I headed over to play some free pool with a guy that I know. I was home by 830-9ish. I went out real quick with Jess, and we went for a walk. Then I was home by like 10ish. I didn't go out the rest of the night. It felt so good! Today I have two classes. After my second class (which I'll probably leave early) I'm heading over to the BCM to babysit. I'm excited about that. Tonight I have to work at 9, and it's the last night that I have to work. I'm pretty stoked about that.


AHH! So just let me say how happy I am that we kept a Republican in the governor's house!

Anyway. I'm feeling so much better since I told my boss that I'm not working anymore. I even think that I'm making improvements with my classes. I've been making an effort! I even took notes yesterday! I'm pretty proud of myself.

I don't know if I'll be able to go home this weekend. I'm a little upset about that. I was really looking forward to just unwinding this weekend. My dad told me last night that he didn't know if I was coming home this weekend (because they might be coming here), and I almost started to cry on the phone. Ugh. So obviously I'm still stressed.

I guess it won't be the worst thing in the world if I don't go home this weekend. I'm going home for Thanksgiving, and that's only 2 weeks away. I was just looking forward to going home and getting free stuff. Especially now that I won't have a steady paycheck. Oh well. If my parents come here, I'll just have them take me grocery shopping.

Bleck. I guess class is starting. We wasted half an hour discussing the election. That's pretty sweet. It means there's only like 40 min left in class.

Oh, I still haven't gotten my voice back completely. I don't know what's going on. It's been gone for like a week and a half.

I guess I'm gonna take down these notes and try to pay attention. I know that what's really going to happen is I'm going to play on the computer, but at least I can pretend. :)

bleck. I couldn't come up with a title. I give up.

AGH!

I'm so frustrated with my job right now. Actually, I'm frustrated with my co-workers. If you do something that's against the rules at your job (especially if you've only been at said job for two weeks) then it's a good job to do 2 things.
1. Tell your boss so as to cover your own behind (and that of your partner)
2. If you and your partner agree to keep it a secret DON'T BRAG ABOUT IT.
How can you expect to brag to someone about doing something wrong (and illegal) and expect that the person you bragged to will keep your "secret"?

GAH!

Basically someone at work bragged to me about the fact that they hit someone's car with the golf cart, and they weren't going to tell the boss. Well part of my job description is to make sure that people are doing their jobs correctly and aren't doing dumb stuff. Therefore, I was pretty much obligated to tell my boss. I even struggled with it. I thought about not telling my boss, but I wasn't going to put myself or my partner in the position where if it came out we knew then we would get in trouble. So I told my boss. The person in question almost got fired, and his partner lied for him, and so she got in trouble. This basically caused a lot of drama at work tonight. I hate drama. With a passion that burns deep within my soul. I have no doubt that this cast me in a bad light and people probably think of me as a narc. Which pretty much means that there's probably not a lot of people at work that I'll get along with. I don't understand. We're supposed to be in college. Why do people have to be so immature? Why is there a need for so much drama? Oh well. My friend told me that I did what I thought was right, and if they want to cause drama then that is their problem. It just bugs me.

I want to finish last, last in the world's eyes

Ahh spontaneity... how I love thee.

2:30 p.m: Decided I wanted a tattoo

3:00: Left for the tattoo place

3:30: Signed a form, handed over the plastic, got an appointment

4:15: walked out of the tattoo parlor with my fourth tattoo.

I love it! It's an ichthus (explanation here)

What a good day. I went to my classes, took notes, kinda paid attention. what matters is that I was there! I have to work at 9 (ugh) and it's 6 now. I think I'll do my quiet time and then take a nap. Of course, first, I'll wash my new tattoo!!! Man, I'm so excited. My roommate went home for the weekend today. I don't know why she left for the weekend on a wednesday, but whatever. I'll be able to do some cleaning, and laundry! I'm debating about going to the homecoming game on Saturday. I'm really having some issues with someone right now, and hanging out with her will be a little uncomfortable for me. I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it, because I haven't exactly figured out some stuff. I'll probably end up going to the game, it should be fun. Two of my friends are having a birthday party on saturday night, so I might end up going to that. I haven't decided yet.

On a positive note, my quiet time has dramatically improved! I'm so excited about it! I'm gonna go do that now and then take a nap.