I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on, but how long can my heart hold on?

Some people claim to have had "near death experiences."

I wonder if it's possible to have "near depression experiences."

Have you ever had that dream where you're floating above the world, looking at yourself and seeing everything that's going on around you? I feel like I'm watching myself spiral into a black hole. I don't know how to get out of it.

I went out last night, and I actually had a good time. At the beginning, it felt kind of forced. I had to force myself to laugh, and find something funny. Eventually I discovered that I wasn't forcing myself anymore. When I got home last night, I felt a lot better.

So then what happened today? Because right now I feel no better than I did yesterday. After my last class (I actually went), I stood around the market looking at everyone. They all seemed so happy, smiling and laughing. As I sit here now it occurs to me that I used to be like that. Hanging out with Caroline made me feel better. But for how long? When I hang out with everyone tomorrow, how long will the happiness last? Until I'm alone again? Is this a fleeting moment? Is it PMS? I seriously have no idea what's going on with me. I know it's not all attributed to my brother's leaving.


If my God is with me, whom then shall I fear?