weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

It has occurred to me that I'm really bad at this whole accountability thing. I mean, I can't even keep myself accountable. How am I supposed to help someone else? I'm really bad when it comes to sticking through stuff, I guess is how you could put it. I start something, but I have trouble staying with it. For example, last week I started going back to the gym. At least, I had made the decision. I had even gone on Monday, but I didn't go back. My reason? Exams. Except, that wasn't why. I could have gone on Friday, or on Saturday, or even Sunday, but I didn't. Did I go today? No. Was I too busy? No. Another example is my daily quiet time. I did it this morning, but before this morning, I can't remember the last time I did it. I know that's why I'm faltering in my faith. I can't even pray because I don't feel close to God. But I don't have anyone to blame except myself.

The biggest thing I think I've been struggling with lately is my friendships. I feel like a lot of my friends are "surface" friends. Sure, they know what I look like, and we've hung out, but they don't feel it necessary to "scratch the surface." They don't know what I'm like beyond that. They don't take the time to really get to know me. I haven't spoken with or seen any of my friends in the past two weeks, and no one's taken the time out to call me, or send me an email, or a myspace or facebook message, or anything like that just to say hi. I know that if it were certain other people, then within a few days it would have happened. Except not with me. And I don't know why. Is that the way they perceive me, as a surface friend? I feel like I try to get to know people, but do I really? I don't know. Supposedly college is where you find the people that will be your friends the rest of your life. Why do I feel like I'm missing out?