We are fast cars on a long night.

Christmas fast approaches, yet it feels strange. With my work schedule being the way it is (working overnight) I miss out on a lot of things that make it feel like Christmas: television specials, movies, Advent Sundays, and spending time with my family. Where did the past year go? I graduated one year and one week ago tomorrow.

The trip to Chicago was awesome. I fell in love with a city. I didn't even know that was possible. The buildings, the weather, the feel of city life. All things that I feel drawn to. I hope this internship works out. I don't have a back-up plan. I think I'm okay with that, though. Strange.

I'm sick of worrying, I don't want to be melancholy anymore. Recently I made the decision to enjoy this time of my life, and it's working out well so far.

If you don't jump, you'll never know if you can fly.

I prayed today, for the first time in a while. Not for myself, as that feels too selfish. But for some of those that I love, because I feel better when I do.

An Attempt.

I miss writing. I miss putting words to paper, erasing, arranging, and replacing words to convey perfectly an idea or a feeling. Right now, for instance. I sit here with a blank screen, yet I can't keep a thought long enough to wrap my mind around it. Am I distracted? Perhaps. By what? I don't know. Everything is different, lately. Even music sounds different. Am I numb? I feel the tears, welled down behind my eyes. Yet they do not come. I do not feel sad. Do I feel happy? Do I feel?

I miss church. Worship. Jesus feels like a famous person you might see on TV. Or if you get lucky enough to see Him in person, it's in the 232nd row, too far to the left to really make anything out. My Bible sits on my desk under random papers, an envelope, and a camera. Untouched since I don't know when.

I wish I were an artist. Maybe then I could express myself creatively. I want to try getting into photography.

I miss having girlfriends. I miss tea parties, lunches, and shopping.

Can you miss a place that you've never been to? I think I do.

Random ponderings

I hope that I never become one of those moms that has nothing else to talk about but her children. I find that this really annoys people. I don't want to lose all ability to hold an intelligent conversation when I have children.

I think it's really sad that everything I do at my job is done with the intent of going home. It's not really so much about being there as it is about getting out of there.

I wish I had the time and money to go on a road trip.

I hate that my life revolves around my job. I'm sick of it.

A glimpse into my thoughts

How can people be so naive as to think that their decisions don't affect those who love them?

You can be radical and not be crazy, but can you be crazy and not be radical?

I think Jesus is coming back sooner than we realize, and I kinda hope He does.

The money and hours are nice, but ever since my promotion I've stopped loving my job.

I live in a tropical place and still want to take a tropical vacation.

I'm cold.

your voice has broken my defense, let me embrace salvation

So here I sit. On top of five blankets and a brand new mattress. A pretty comfy situation, I'd say.

I got to flip over my Audrey Hepburn calendar today. I can't believe it's already the first of February. Where did that past month go? I am not fond of this sped up time line that life seems to be on. I feel like all I do is blink and a week has gone by. It's crazy.

Moving back home hasn't been as bad as I thought it would. Granted, it's not the best situation, but it isn't bad. I have a job, which I'm thankful for. Plus, it helps fill the time. Other than that, I don't do much besides sleep. I feel like I never get enough. I should be sleeping right now.

I guess that's all I have for an update. My life isn't very exciting right now.