Christmas fast approaches, yet it feels strange. With my work schedule being the way it is (working overnight) I miss out on a lot of things that make it feel like Christmas: television specials, movies, Advent Sundays, and spending time with my family. Where did the past year go? I graduated one year and one week ago tomorrow.
The trip to Chicago was awesome. I fell in love with a city. I didn't even know that was possible. The buildings, the weather, the feel of city life. All things that I feel drawn to. I hope this internship works out. I don't have a back-up plan. I think I'm okay with that, though. Strange.
I'm sick of worrying, I don't want to be melancholy anymore. Recently I made the decision to enjoy this time of my life, and it's working out well so far.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
If you don't jump, you'll never know if you can fly.
I prayed today, for the first time in a while. Not for myself, as that feels too selfish. But for some of those that I love, because I feel better when I do.
Friday, December 11, 2009
An Attempt.
I miss writing. I miss putting words to paper, erasing, arranging, and replacing words to convey perfectly an idea or a feeling. Right now, for instance. I sit here with a blank screen, yet I can't keep a thought long enough to wrap my mind around it. Am I distracted? Perhaps. By what? I don't know. Everything is different, lately. Even music sounds different. Am I numb? I feel the tears, welled down behind my eyes. Yet they do not come. I do not feel sad. Do I feel happy? Do I feel?
I miss church. Worship. Jesus feels like a famous person you might see on TV. Or if you get lucky enough to see Him in person, it's in the 232nd row, too far to the left to really make anything out. My Bible sits on my desk under random papers, an envelope, and a camera. Untouched since I don't know when.
I wish I were an artist. Maybe then I could express myself creatively. I want to try getting into photography.
I miss having girlfriends. I miss tea parties, lunches, and shopping.
Can you miss a place that you've never been to? I think I do.
I miss church. Worship. Jesus feels like a famous person you might see on TV. Or if you get lucky enough to see Him in person, it's in the 232nd row, too far to the left to really make anything out. My Bible sits on my desk under random papers, an envelope, and a camera. Untouched since I don't know when.
I wish I were an artist. Maybe then I could express myself creatively. I want to try getting into photography.
I miss having girlfriends. I miss tea parties, lunches, and shopping.
Can you miss a place that you've never been to? I think I do.
