Savior, He can move the mountains. my God is mighty to save. Forever, author of salvation, He rose and conquered the grave

Have you ever noticed that no matter how hard you try, you can't forget the past? It seems to me that the past refuses to be forgotten. Whether it be an event, or a person, or perhaps even a place, you can't get rid of it. Sure, you can go for a long period of time without thinking of it. Before you know it, you don't ever think about it. Then all of a sudden, there it is. Walking down the street, watching tv, sitting at your job, talking to someone else, whatever the situation. It all comes flooding back to you. Or you're just reminded of it. Perhaps it's a person you see everywhere that you wish you could forget. Or maybe it's parts of a place that show up in every corner you turn. Does this make it hard for you to move on? For me, I think that I might have been the biggest obstacle to getting over my past. I think that I just wallowed (for lack of a better word) in the pain and misery of everything that was going on in my life at a certain point. I let it take over my life. I tried to see bits and pieces in everything that was going on around me. I wouldn't let it go. Looking back now, I've figured out that I was afraid of letting go. I can't explain why, I don't know that I ever will be able to. I made myself miserable, and for what? Why is it that I wanted to be miserable for so long? Why didn't I want to be happy? I think that I used it to connect with people. I played the wounded victim. I wanted people to think "wow look at how much she's been through." Why?

I can honestly say that it's been quite a year for me. So much has changed in my life, so much has changed about myself. Though sometimes I catch myself using my past as a way to connect with people, I've now found other things. I'm happier than I've been since I can remember. I've realized that all the things I went through had to happen. It was how God got my attention. Good things are finally happening to me. More importantly, I'm letting good things happen to me. I'm accepting that I'm worth that much. I guess I never thought that I was worth it, because I had allowed myself to do the things that I've done. I suppose in a way it was a form of self-punishment? I'm so thankful that I got out of that. I can now accept my past. I can say yes, I've done those things. No, I'm not perfect. I suppose I've sort of liberated myself. I don't have all the answers. I don't even know who I am yet, but I'm getting there. I'm finding out more and more about who I am every day. I'm so excited to wake up every day and experience something new. I read somewhere that once a week you should do something unexpected, just to keep your life exciting. I think I'll try that. This week, something happened in my life. Something major, at least to me. Last weekend was particularly rough, but again it needed to happen. It was a catalyst for (perhaps the first) change in my life. I decided last week that I was sick of going to bars, and going to parties, and getting drunk. I haven't changed my opinion that a drink now and then is wrong, but I do see now that nothing good comes out of going and getting wasted in a place full of drunk, obnoxious people. I was one of those drunk, obnoxious people. I even lowered my standards. I would never have accepted that behavior from people I love. Why would I accept it from myself? So I gave it to God. He completely took away that desire. This past week I had a few opportunities to go out and get drunk, and I said no. I said no because I didn't even want to. The thought didn't appeal to me. That is so amazing to me, considering that not even 7 days before I had wanted to do it so badly that I considered putting my job in jeopardy.

What is it some random commercial says, change is good? That is so true.