it's two bare feet on the dashboard, young love in an old ford, cheap shades and a tattoo and a yoohoo bottle on the floorboard

It's been a couple days since my last post.

There's a few updates.

I still have no housing assignment, so I don't know where I'll be living. I'm just hoping right now that I get my assignment before the 20th. I think I may have to force them to give me one. Right now I'm just praying that I don't have to do that.

I won't be able to pick up a few shifts that week. It's a little sad, but no big deal. Also, by the time we do start working again, we'll have a new boss.

I did get my hair cut! I love it! I think it's the best job that anyone has done on my hair in a long time. I have really long, thick hair. So it's kind of hard to find someone/somewhere that will do a good job.

More importantly, not only have I been packing, but I've also gone through all my boxes of stuff in my room and gotten rid of a lot. Thank God for freecycle. (there's a link to freecycle on the right. Check it out! It's a good way to get rid of stuff you don't want that someone else might be able to use or need and it doesn't go to the landfill!)

So it's coming down to the last week here. It's kind of bittersweet. I love my family, and I wish that I had done more with the time that I had with them. That's my fault, though, because I wasted it. So now I'm trying to make the best of the time that I have left. I've been spending a lot more time with my brother. My sister started school this week, so it's a little harder to spend time with her, but I'm managing as well as possible. I'll be leaving before her 17th birthday, that makes me a little sad. I know it makes her sad too. Man, I feel old. My baby sister is 17. Time is flying by.

Other than that, not much has been going on. Just trying to get everything packed ahead of time, so I don't feel rushed the last couple of days. I think that's all I've got to say, for now.

and all that I am is all that You see when nobody is looking at me

so I have absolutely awesome news!!!!

Instead of going back on the 23rd, I'll be going back on the 20th. I know it's only three days, but I'm so excited!!! That's three more days to hang out with my friends!!! I might actually pick up a few shifts, too, that way I have some money on the paycheck that comes out the next week. I'm so excited!!! God is just blessing me all over the place.

My best friend is in birmingham right now with her mom. I'm happy that she gets to spend some time with her mom, just the two of them. I called her to tell her the good news, but she must be busy. So I left a message! I never do that! ha! anyway. I'm in a great mood now. I'm definitely going to need to start packing like tomorrow, or this week. That way I know exactly what I need to get!

I might be going to get my hair cut today. I don't know yet. We'll see. I feel like I should start packing something. I look around and it's just so much stuff. I don't realize how much I really use, until I have to pack what I need to take with me.

Lue! I tried leaving you a message, but something happened and I couldn't. Congratulations on your promotion! And the interview! I'm praying for you, I know this will be a hard decision to make.

Truth is such a rare thing, it is delightful to tell it. ~Emily Dickinson

So I think it's time for a little honesty.
I think I could really like him.
I don't know where this is going.
I don't know where I want it to go, nor where it's supposed to go.
I look forward to his calls.
And emails.
I don't like him yet.
But I think I could.
I think it might be mutual.
I haven't quite figured it out.

Nothing I have compares to You

Oh man.

I'm so excited. I have a feeling that a majority of this weekend will be spent packing. I have 3 sundays left until I go back, and we're coming up on the first of those three. I don't really know what the "family" plans are this weekend. We were supposed to go to the zoo, and that was pretty exciting. Except my sister is starting school on monday, so my mom thinks that we need to relax this weekend. So I don't know what the plan is this weekend. I guess I'll just see how it goes. I do plan on getting a lot of packing done. I really need to.

Okay, so let me just rant for a minute. I can't believe that they made the World Trade Center movie. I think it's very tasteless. I watched an interview with the actors, producers, and the firefighters on whom the movie was based, and they claim that the movie was made to "maintain truth in history." Nicolas Cage said that in the future our kids are going to want to know the truth and people might forget. I highly doubt that's going to happen. I don't really know how I feel about it. It just bothers me.

I'm watching NUMB3RS. It's a really good show. I don't know why I don't watch it more often. Probably because I forget it's on tv. And once this is over, Simply Irresistable is on TBS. So that's exciting.

I talked to the school today. They received my housing application yesterday. It's going to take up to two weeks until I find out where I'm living. At least they got it and I'm living somewhere. That's pretty important.

Tom Everett Scott is pretty attractive.

I'm in an odd mood.

I realized something today. I can get pretty angry while driving. It's split-second anger, but it's anger nonetheless. I really need to work on that. I get upset at people that can't drive and I yell at them. Even though they can't hear me. It pretty much doesn't matter who's in the car with me. I do try to tone it down when one of my parents is in the car, but still. Anyway. Joe called, so I'm gonna talk to him. Maybe I'll post again in a little while. It's been a few days, I know.

Psalm 40:3 "He has put a new song in my mouth - Praise to our God; Many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord

In three weeks I get to go back. I'm really excited.

Except, the school website doesn't have books listed for the courses yet, so I don't know how much it's going to cost or what books I'm going to need. That's a little aggravating.

It's officially the 1st (still, I think) of August. That means that I can change my calendar over. My housing application got sent out today. Yes, I know it's late. Better late than never, eh? At least that's taken care of. Now I'll have somewhere to live! I'll call on friday to make sure they got it, and find out how long it's going to take to get my housing assignment.

Hmm. I'm trying to figure out what's new. Except, there's nothing really. I think tonight I might try going to sleep early and see how that affects what time I get up tomorrow.

Jesus Paid It All by Passion Worship Band on the album Everything Glorious

here's the lyrics:

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Lord now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone
Can change the lepers spots
And melt the heart of stone

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe;
My sin had left this crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

It’s washed away
All my sin
And all my shame

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
"Jesus died my soul to save,"
My lips shall still repeat

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

O praise the One who paid my debt
And raised this life up from the dead

We’ll praise the One who paid my debt
And raised this life up from the dead

O Praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead

"Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow."
I absolutely love this version of Jesus Paid It All. It's one of the greatest worship songs, in my opinion. Passion Worship Band sings it on their album Everything Glorious. We sang it this morning in church.

Oh my gosh!

I went to the early service this morning. I was so surprised that I woke up that early! I'm really happy that I went, though. We had a guest speaker who spoke about forever friendship. That was something I really needed to hear. God really convicted me this morning. It was definitely an awesome morning! We also had a guest worship band. They were from California. They were really good and they did all my favorite worship songs! This is my favorite, though. I've been listening to it all day.

Today has been a really good day. My mom made a delicious dinner. For the first time in a week, my brother was home. So the entire family got to eat dinner together. Then I napped. For 3 hours. Then we all watched Big Brother. Such a good show. I'm proud of Janelle for putting up one of the chill town alliance. It's about time!

I've been spending a lot of time these last couple days talking to a guy that I know. To be honest, I kinda thought that he had forgotten about me. I think it's so cool that we've been having the conversations we've been having. He's really intelligent and we have some pretty deep conversations. When I get back we're supposed to do a bible study together. I'm excited about that. He told me that he's excited about it, too. Which is a pretty cool thing, I think. We'll see how this friendship goes. I'm not really sure where he stands on a lot of things, but I get the feeling that he's more conservative than I am when it comes to some stuff. I also kinda get the feeling that he's a fire and brimstone kinda guy. I guess we'll see. He does want to be a missionary, and I think that's pretty freakin' cool. Just not for me.

Okay. I'm gonna post the lyrics to this song, cuz I just can't get enough of it!

I am so sick of seeing commercials for weight loss pills. I can't begin to tell you how much they piss me off. They make it seem so easy to lose weight. It's nothing of the sort. It's hard work. I hate that tv makes it seem that the only way for a woman to be attractive is if she's skinny. Some girls look attractive, but mostly it just looks unhealthy. I don't mean skinny in the way that they are naturally thin. I mean the way that they look like they haven't eaten in months. AHHHH!

Today I actually packed something! I'm proud of myself. haha. I packed all the stuff for my desk. And then my sister took my desk. Now I've gotta start packing everything else. I did freecycle a lot of stuff though. So that was good! Now I have to go through all my boxes of stuff that I left here when I moved.

Meanwhile, I'll watch Sex and the City. I love this show. I really like to italicize stuff. I don't know why. Umm. I don't really have an agenda for tomorrow. I have a feeling this week is going to consist of a lot of packing. Three weeks from Wednesday I'll be going back. I am so super excited. I have no idea what to expect. Except, I still have to mail in my housing application. I'm pretty sure they still have rooms. That's what the website says. I guess we'll see, eh?

I guess that's it?

Warning: Not for the easily offended. This post has numerous references to God and His amazing works.

I'm continually amazed by the way God works.

Even through something as simple as a photograph.

Not too long ago this would have broken me. It would have evoked a sadness beyond understanding. It would have made me cry. It would have made me think that God was giving me a sign that I had made the wrong decision.

But now. Now is a different story. It brought back a memory. A good memory. It made me smile. What I didn't do was cry. I wasn't sad. What that picture represented to me was the amazing way God works. I was reminded of the passion with which I begged God to take him out of my life. I was reminded of the feeling of relief and peace when God answered my prayers. I remembered the longing, and the struggle with my decision. I remembered wondering if I had done the right thing.

Now I know. Don't misunderstand. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my short life. It doesn't mean that I don't care about him, because I do. I think I always will. I feel like I'm constantly overexplaining what happened. So I won't do that.

Instead I'll be thankful that God answers my prayers. I'll rest in His mercy and know that He has a reason for everything. I'll take comfort in the knowledge that His love is all that I need in my life right now, and He'll bring someone in my life when it's the right time.

My letter to Reality TV

Dear Reality Televison,

I hate beating around the bush, so I'm just gonna say it.

We're having problems.

I won't lie to you, either. It's not me. It's you.

I don't know what the problem is. Lately, things just haven't been the same. You're not the same program that I fell in love with. What happened to the good times? What happened to the drama? Now it seems that you're humorless and completely unoriginal. Quite frankly I'm disgusted. It's almost as if you'll let anyone in on the action. In the beginning, it was great. It wasn't wholesome, but it was great. Then you started adding more programs. At first it was just MTV. Then the basic channels started to get in on the action. I'll admit, I was a bit jealous at first. Eventually, I actually came to like some of the programming. Then A&E, VH1, and TLC got in on the action. I quickly realized that I had to grow with the times, and even liked some of the programs offered. Then Bravo got in on the action. I thought to myself "well, it's going a little far, but I enjoy Queer Eye For The Straight Guy and Blowout, so I guess I can learn to live with it."

And then it happened. The thing that ended our great love affair.

Sci-Fi happened.

How could you do this to me? I thought what we had was great, but it seems that you'll take anyone. And by anyone I mean everyone. I can't do this anymore. I'm going back to the originals, and after that. It's over.

I don't love you anymore,
Me

when the burden seems too much to bear, remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

I have yet to actually launch the plan to make the time go by faster. Since the other day, I haven't packed anything. I get in these moods where I clean like mad. Then after that, nothing. I think now is the "after" time.

I'm going to the gym today. I'm pretty excited about that. I have 27 days to slim down a little. I figure, if in those 27 days I can tone up, then I'll feel better about myself and I'll still be motivated to go to the gym when I get back to school.

I've figured out that my day is going to have to start earlier than I had originally planned. I'm not going to be able to work past 1 a.m. this semester. I'm also not going to be able to come home from work and stay on the computer until 3 in the morning. I want to go to the gym in the mornings, before class. So I figure, I have to get up around 8 or 8:30. It gives me time to do my quiet time, because I know that if I don't do it first thing in the morning then I won't do it all day. Though, pointing that out is kinda pointless anyway because the Bible tells us that we should do it in the morning. After that, I'll still have enough time to spend an hour at the gym. Then I'll come back and shower and be in class at 11 on Mondays and Wednesdays. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be easier because I don't have a class until 2, and Friday I have no classes. I'm debating whether I should go to the gym 5 days a week, or 3. I'm having a hard time deciding. If I go 5 days, I'll see results faster. If I go 3, I won't feel like my schedule is so hectic. Except, I know that if I don't go at least 3 then eventually I'll stop going altogether, and I don't want that. I think the first week, I'll go 3 days and see what my schedule is like. Then, if time allows, I'll go 5 days a week. It's going to be hard to get into the work routine again. I'll be working anywhere from 6 p.m. until 2 a.m. Though, if I can help it, it will be only until 1 a.m. Shifts are 5 hours. Even though I'm awake til 1 a.m. I don't have to get up at 8:30 in the morning. So it's going to be an adjustment. I don't want to overdo it my first week back. Right now, a lot is up in the air. Aside from classes and work, I've also got the leadership position at the BCM, and apparently I'll be helping organize activities. I'm super excited about it. Then Thursday nights are booked after like 6. And Sundays are pretty busy. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to handle it. Though there may be a few times where I'll be knitting like crazy. It's what I do when I get super stressed. Come to think of it, I may not have time to spend an hour at the gym monday and wednesday mornings. I don't know how long it's going to take me to a) get from my dorm to the gym and b) from my dorm to class. And then to take a shower and get dressed and get all my stuff. An hour just might not be enough time. I guess we'll see.

I can't believe it's already Wednesday. Time is going by so quickly :) There's no Big Brother tonight, but Rockstar:Supernova is on, so it's okay.

I guess that's all for now. I had more to say, but I think it's better off in a different post. I'll work on that tonight.

I find myself again when I fall down at Your feet.

"My eyes betray me, reason escapes me. I find myself in the wilderness again. I believe some things, they can never change. It's good to know Your love is one of them. You said that I could never wear my welcome out." - Sanctuary by John Cox

It's not a good idea to wear shorts to the gym if your thighs rub together. It's uncomfortable, trust me. Also really annoying pulling them down every 3 seconds. Next time I shall wear longer shorts.

Next time being tomorrow.

I absolutely love this song. I've heard it over and over again, but the words never really sunk in. "All I have is Your grace and that's enough." how true is that? the title of this post also comes from the song. In fact, most of the titles of my posts come from one song or another. I am a music fiend. I think it might be borderline unhealthy. I get antsy if there's no music playing. Sometimes silence bothers me. Except when I'm sleeping. Then it's okay.

I saw something today that made me think. It said "Once you love someone, they're a part of you forever" and like so many other times, one specific relationship came to mind. Then I thought about it more, and I realized that it also includes friends and family. I can't begin to tell you how often I find myself doing something that I picked up from a friend. A certain phrase, or a facial expression, a hand movement, whatever. Some idiosyncrasy unique to one person or the other. All of a sudden I find myself doing the same thing. In a way, it's kind of comforting. Maybe I'm just weird.

and all that I am, is all that You see, when nobody is looking at me

Hello, my name is Amber, and I have a problem.

I'm a blogaholic.

I've deduced that I'm addicted to a few things. Here's the list:

1. Blogging
2. Big Brother
3. Law and Order
4. Blogging
5. Myspace
6. Music
7. Blogging
8. Rockstar:Supernova
9. Naps
10. Blogging

Notice a trend? I think, though, that my blogging is actually therapeutic, in a way.

I'm really proud of myself! I went to the gym today and I stuck with the treadmill for an hour. I knew I was dedicated. Now we'll see how long I can stick with it this time. I'm pretty sure I can. I think that it'll be easier to go to the gym once I get back, because then I can go on my own schedule. I'm not stuck having to go when everyone else goes. I can go in the morning, if I want. Or I can go later on in the day. I think I might actually try going at like 8 or 9 in the morning. I have to make sure that I go at a time when I can still go back and take a shower before my classes. I don't have time between classes this time like I did last time. 15 minute breaks are what I have. Not 2 hour breaks. I'm excited though, I don't think I've stressed that enough.

28 days from tomorrow I go back! I can't wait.

/rant
Okay. So I have to do this. I'm watching Big Brother (shocking, I know!) and we're at the beginning of the veto competition. WHAT THE HECK IS GEORGE WEARING?!?!?!?!?! I can't deal with it. He needs to go home. He's so freakin' useless, and annoying. Oh yeah, and I love Jase. Just putting it out there. Is it possible that perhaps Howie might be gay? I can't decide. I also love Marcellas.
/end rant

Today I made the best oatmeal fudge. It was way better than last time. Except, there wasn't as much peanut butter as last time, so I had to make half a batch. But it was worth it.

*UPDATE* what the heck?!?!?!! stupid george. But kaysar still looks hot, so it's not that bad. Oh man. I love this show.

Ok. That's enough for now.

if I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me?

It seems that the gym and I just aren't meant to be. I got all dressed for the gym, had my ipod charged, ready to go. My mom has a chiropractors appointment every other day that she goes to before the gym. Today, when she got finished with the chiropractor, she was in too much pain to go to the gym. So we didn't. That's okay! I think this is a test to see how dedicated I am. I'm pretty dedicated. I'm gonna go back tomorrow. I guess anything worth having is worth working for.

I forget why I stopped watching Seventh Heaven. Oh yeah. I left for school and didn't really have time to watch television. It'll probably happen again this semester.

It seems I have nothing to say at the moment. Perhaps I'll try again later.

Love so indelible to know, You're never gonna go, You're never gonna go. Love too unthinkable and true for anyone but You

ahh laziness, you have been thwarted once again.

I've decided to start going back to the gym. It's a paid membership, so I might as well use it, eh? At least for the four weeks (!!!) that I'm here. Maybe I'll lose the little bit of weight that I want to. And it'll set the routine for when I get back to go to the gym three times a week like I want to. This time around, my schedule is set up better. No classes before 10 am. That's exciting! And on tuesdays/thursdays only one class at 2. That means mondays and wednesdays I can work later at night and not have to worry about not getting enough sleep. I have a feeling that I'll attend class more often this semester. I have to figure out what night's I'm going to work. I have to keep in mind that I don't know what my workload in my classes is going to be like and I'm going to need time to study. So I think because of that I'm only going to work three days a week, and pick up a shift here and there. I'll also be able to take a test this semester, and if I pass they'll give me a raise. So that will be nice. Plus, I can put in an application for dispatcher starting in the spring. That'll be good, too because I can do homework at work (like I do actual work anyway ha!) Actually, I can't say that for sure anymore. Apparently my boss graduated, which disqualifies her for the job now. So I guess we're getting a new boss. Hopefully it's someone who's not as strict as she was. Then things will still be great. Even if the new boss is as strict, it won't be too bad. I can't complain because I have a pretty easy job anyway, and it's right on campus. Plus, it's not like I'm living off the money I make. According to my countdown, there's 30 days left until I go back. I really can't wait to get back into a routine of some kind. I'm looking forward to my classes, and to work. I'm especially looking forward to seeing my friends. Mostly Caroline and Rachel.

I'm also looking forward to my leadership position in the BCM. I'm going to have to figure out how to balance everything. OOH! I just realized a super advantage to having classes at 11. It gives me plenty of time for my devotional in the morning! I don't have to feel rushed!! Anyway.

For a few days, I've had this great urge to knit something. And I even have an idea as to what I'm going to do. I just haven't gotten around to doing it. I have no reason. Though, in my defense, these past two days have been abnormally busy.

Now, on to more important things.

Big Brother.

Who was shocked? I was! I knew James would do something risky. Good job. Okay, okay. I have to admit, I cannot stand George. I'm so glad James put him up. He needs to go. I can't believe he had the audacity to be insulted that James thought he was a good player. Who would be insulted?? GAH! Just proves why he shouldn't be there in the first place.

It needs to be pointed out. Did you see Erika spray-tanning Will!? That was just hilarious! Then, at the nomination ceremony, his face was abnormally orange. I couldn't get over it. Again, at the end when he was in the diary room, he was pale and pasty again. HA! Okay, I feel better.
/end rant

Anyway, I guess that'll do it for tonight. I think I'll catch up on the news and do some more internet surfing and list making :) I love to make lists.

this is my prayer (its called may the few, by shane and shane)

may the few be many, Lord
may they see You as You are
may the narrow road be wide here,
wide now
may Your kingdom come

Glorious and mighty are Your ways
in all the earth
and may Your worth arrayed in glory
render hearts to only worship You

the coldest heart can be brought to life when it is thrown into the fire of goodbyes

This weekend has been very eventful.

Saturday I woke up at 9:30 (!!) I can't remember the last time I woke up that early. I found out that we were taking my sister shopping for school. It also meant that I got to go shopping for new clothes! We decided to head south, which was fruitful for my sister, but not for me. We did have lunch at a Mexican restaurant that we've never eaten at before. I thoroughly enjoyed it. After that we decided to take the slower route home. We ended up going to the mall here, where I spent most of my money at Old Navy. Normally I don't shop there, but they had really good sales and I got some cute stuff! We stopped at a few other little stores, and I picked up some other stuff. It was a very good day. We got home around 7 p.m. I was so exhausted that I went to bed at 9 p.m. Hence the lack of posting last night. There were a few times when I got into an argument with my parents, and a couple times feelings were hurt (on both sides.)

This morning, I woke up at 9. It's not that surprising, seeing as how I'd slept for almost 12 hours. To avoid the same situation as yesterday, with the hurt feelings and whatnot, I decided to do my devotional this morning. It definitely calmed me, and I prayed for patience throughout the day. I have to say, it made all the different. My family has a habit of picking on each other. A lot. There are a lot of insults thrown around. I prayed that God would help me to not insult any member of my family. And today was much better! We went thrift shopping. I think this is my family's favorite thing to do together. My mom passed her love of thrift stores onto me and my sister. So that's what we did. We had lunch at Sonny's BBQ. Good times. Now we're just at home relaxing, and waiting for Big Brother tonight. Nominations! I'm so excited. I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I never do with James.

Oh yeah. A couple things.

My brother wasn't home this weekend. :( He went to his friends house. He hasn't exactly been spending a lot of time with the family lately. I don't really know what's going on with him. He's 19 and doesn't really have any direction in his life. Please pray for him. He was saved a few years ago, but I don't know how his relationship with God is.

My parents are having a hard time with church. Not in the way that I am. They love this church, they just aren't going. They always talk about how they need to start going again, but it never turns into action. Please pray for them, that they would turn their thoughts into actions.

My little sister is getting lost in the shuffle. As far as I know, she isn't saved. I don't think she's been baptized. I know she doesn't go to church, and she doesn't particularly enjoy it. I think it's mostly because my parents aren't taking her, and they aren't showing an interest. I'd like to think that I'm doing the best I can, but I can't say that in all honesty. I'm really not doing the best I can. Pray for her, please.

Also, I've had a really hard time with spending the summer being at home. I know God has a purpose, but I don't know what it is. I feel like time is running out. Please pray that God reveals the purpose to me.

Shameless promotion of possibly the best music site on the internet

If you haven't already, check out PureVolume. Set yourself up a listener account, or an artist one if you're an artist. It's got a really great selection of music. And a lot of bands have a few downloads for free (and it's legal.) If you don't want to download any music, you can create your own playlist and play it on your player. It's great!

"I cried to the Lord with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill" Psalm 3:4

It's true. That's how it happened. When I was at my lowest, at my weakest, I called out to God. He did more than answer, He pulled me out of that place. My life changed forever. I was changed forever. There's no way to ignore a drastic change like the one that occurred in my life. Literally, within 24 hours I felt like a completely different person. I may not have always been happy, but I always had joy. That's a comforting feeling. Since that point, my life hasn't always been great. I haven't been perfect. But there's still been joy, that I can't explain or describe. Only those who know the joy of God's rescue can understand.

I am, however, having a problem with my quiet time. By that I mean that I don't do it. It's not like I have any excuse or reason. It's not like I don't have ample time on my hands. It just never gets done. Though, I did do it yesterday, and today. But it's not on a regular basis. I'm trying to fix that. I don't know why I have a hard time doing it. I honestly don't even think about it most days. The days that I do think about it, I keep putting it off. "I'll do it after I finish this article." "Let me just read this one blog, then I'll do it." "Let me check my email one last time." Those are some of the common excuses I use to procrastinate. Then before I know it, it's two in the morning and I'm too exhausted. I fear that I'll fall asleep in the middle of it. So another day goes by where it doesn't get done. I'm trying to fix that.

Currently I'm doing my devotionals in Psalms, which is how I came across the title of this entry. And it was so fitting for quite a few times in the past months. It was true when I gave my life completely to God, in November. When I abandoned the partying, and the drinking. I cried out for help. It was true in February, when again I found myself in an unhealthy relationship. I begged God to remove it from my life. Not only did He do that, but He gave me the courage to do it myself. And I can't tell you how relieved, how amazing, I felt afterwards. So again, I'm crying out. I need to get out of this place. I need to be pulled out of my complacency. This comfort is very uncomfortable. But not uncomfortable in the way that a Christian should be uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because I know that I'm not where I should be.

I'm okay, yeah. I'm okay, yeah. But you really need to listen to me because I'm telling you the truth. I mean this, I'm okay. Trust me. I'm not okay

well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.

Hm.

It's funny how some songs seem to fit exactly how you're feeling at a given point. Or maybe I'm just being melodramatic. I have a tendency to do that sometimes. Especially if I don't know what's bothering me. Sometimes I just make something up.

I have this overwhelming desire to knit something. All my stuff is behind a shelf. It's not that I can't get to it, it's just that I'm lazy. And it's 2 in the morning. I guess now would be a good time to start knitting a super long scarf for winter?

It's an odd feeling to look at my life, and see how much I've matured. Yet at the same time, I can be so very immature.

Is it weird that writing in this makes me feel better? I don't think so, and that's all that matters.

I think I'll go see what my sister is doing, and see if she wants to sleep in here tonight.

My ipod is charging, and I can't shut my computer off while I'm doing that. So I'm gonna surf some blogs and whatnot.

Your grace is enough for me

I've been feeling really good lately.

Not anything extraordinary. Just that general feeling of my life is going exactly as it should be.

This last semester was really hard for me. For reasons which a few people know, I really struggled these past few months. I struggled with personal decisions, I struggled with classes, and I struggled with personal relationships. If it hadn't been for a few close friends I don't know how I would have made it through.

One friend, in particular, really made a difference. Although I doubt she'll see it that way. She really helped me take my mind off a lot. It really was a small act on her part, but it got me through a tough situation. I never knew that a trip to the gas station in the middle of the night would save me from myself. But it did.

I think I grew up a lot. I became the person that I always wanted to be. Most importantly, I matured spiritually. I finally was able to commit myself to being open in my faith.

Confession time, I suppose. I have this unhealthy fear of judgement. I always care more about what people think of me than I should. I let it influence my actions and my decisions. I let it influence my inactions. I've never been able to share what I believe because I was afraid that someone would dislike me for it. I was always afraid of offending someone. I was never truly able to be my own person. I was a different person for everyone. Because of it, I never knew who I really was.

It wasn't until this semester, really, that I let go of that fear. I embraced it, I confronted it. I dealt with it. I dealt with a lot. I made the hardest decision I've ever made. I let go of someone that I love. I did exactly what I was afraid of. I hurt the person that meant the most to me. In doing so, I took control of my life. I didn't let that fear control me anymore. I did what I felt was best for me. It's something that I had needed to do for a long time. I just couldn't figure out how to do it.

After that, making a decision about something, anything, was a lot easier. I had already accomplished the hardest thing. Except I was still afraid of sharing my faith. I thought that everyone had this conception of me, of who I was. I was afraid that if they found out who I really was, that they would judge me. Worse than that, I thought they would hate me. So I did the best thing I could. Before a hundred or so people, I shared who I was. I shared my past. I didn't pretend to be someone I wasn't. I didn't hide anything about where I'd been. I put it all out there, for everyone to see. It wasn't like I expected. I'm sure there were a few people who judged me because of it. But the people who mattered the most, and the one who mattered the most at that time (myself), accepted me. I was finally able to take responsibility for my actions. I was finally able to forgive myself for the things I'd done, and the pain I'd caused. Not only to others, but to myself. People I didn't even know came up to me and told me that my testimony was similar to theirs, and they were glad to see someone else who had gone through it. I think the best thing that came out of that, though, was that I no longer had to pretend. I didn't have to put up an act. In that moment, I knew my friends loved me for what I really was, not what they thought I was. That's the first time in my life I've ever truly felt like that.

It's because of these past few months, because of the things that I've gone through, that I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

When one door closes, another opens.

So I'm gonna go off on a Big Brother related rant....

I can't believe how stupid Kaysar is being. Though, in all fairness he proved in season 6 that he can't play the game. First, he gives HOH to Jennifer because she cried. How stupid is that? It was one of the most important HOH competitions, and he hands it over and sealed his fate. This is after he's been evicted once and America votes him to come back in the house and have a second chance in the house.

Now he's pulling the same crap. Why on earth did he nominate Nakomis and Diane??? Seriously. I understand that Nakomis is smart and they want to eliminate the possibility of "floaters" but I think that's just a crap excuse. He even made some sort of "deal" with Will and Boogie to not nominate them. That's just ridiculous. You can't trust either of them. If one of them gets HOH next week, of course they're gonna target the season 6 (seasick haha!) alliance.

And what the heck is "Chicken" George doing there?!?! He doesn't do anything! He takes up space, air, and food. He's not contributing to any of the drama! This is just ridiculous. He's got no plans as to how he's going to get to the end. He's just hoping he's not gonna be targeted. Why oh why would people want him back? He doesn't do anything!!


ah.... I feel better

we fall down, we lay our crowns, at the feet of Jesus

So I've just decided that I'm not going to go to Ridgecrest. It's really not that important to me. And it's too much work for something that I don't really want to do. I feel good about that.

I've decided that there must be chocolate ice cream in Heaven.

My dad came home from the hospital. That makes me really happy. He's okay. There was a small clot in one of his arteries that was making his heart work harder, but it's better now. He has to go back in for checkups, and stuff. Heart problems run in his family. So we'll see how things work themselves out.

So this weekend I had the opportunity to buy Elizabethtown and Walk The Line. And it was totally worth it. I love both movies. In fact, I think Elizabethtown might beat Dirty Dancing as my favorite movie.

Yeah. It's that good.

I'm feeling really good about everything today.

Love is God and God is love. No one's below, no one's above.

I don't think I'm going to Ridgecrest. It's becoming increasingly difficult to make things happen. When I found out that there was a way to get the school to pay for it, I thought it meant that I was supposed to go. The only thing holding me back was the money, and since that seemed to not be a problem, I was ecstatic. Then a few days later I found out that you still had to have the money up front, and the school was gonna refund it after the trip. Well that put me back at the original problem. So I talked to Rahul about it. And he said to fill the paperwork out and we'd figure out a way to get it taken care of. Now it's three days before the papers are due, and I sit down to get the paperwork taken care of, and I run into another problem. On one of the applications, I have to have a professor co-sign. All my professors are an hour and a half away. And I have no way to get there. So I asked Rahul again. And he said no problem. I could have Dr. Smith sign it on thursday. Except I won't be there Thursday. AHH! Then I find out that there's a mandatory meeting on the 27th for everyone that's going. I can't make it. This is becoming frustrating.

2 a.m. and I'm still awake writing this song if I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to

"and I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd because these words are my diary screamin' out loud and I know that you'll use them however you want to"

Sometimes it feels so good to just scream. To open up your throat and scream.

This town sucks.

None of my friends are here. I feel like I'm stuck. There's 6 weeks until I go back, but it feels like forever.

At this point, I don't even have anything productive, or intelligent, to say. I'm burnt out.

There's only so much one person can take.

"But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord because He has been good to me" Psalm 13:5-6

So I feel much better. I decided to shut off the computer for a few hours. I swam in the pool. In the rain. Then my family came home, and we had pizza. Then we watched tv for a while. I wasn't really feeling well, physically that is. Aside from the mental unwellness. I think I may be getting sick. That might explain why I don't feel right. Well, whatever reason, I feel much better now. I think I might shut the computer off early tonight and read a book. Except, I won't stay up until 4:30 doing it again. Last night after getting offline, I decided to open up A Walk To Remember by Nicholas Sparks. I've seen the movie, but never read the book. I was surprised at how good it actually was. It was way better than the movie, but then, most books usually are. Well, I haven't seen The Notebook, but I've read the book. I heard they were pretty close. Anyway, the book was so good that I couldn't put it down. Even though I knew how it ended, I had to finish it. So I was up until 4:30 a.m. reading it. I just have to decide what I want to read next. I have to stay mentally stimulated. TV just isn't working. I'm actually rather bored with it lately. Except, of course, for Big Brother and Rockstar:Supernova. Because they just kick serious butt. At least in my household.
But I digress.
I've decided that tonight may be a good night to start catching up on my world news. So I checked out some news sites. I wasn't really surprised to see that not a lot had changed since the last time I read the papers. Which actually wasn't that long ago. It just seems like it's been a while. Obviously, there have been some important events (N. Korea and the nuclear testing, for example,) but we're still at war in Iraq. I'm positive I would know if that was over, whether I kept up with news or not. I know that Italy won the World Cup. I also know that Zinedine Zidane head-butted Marco Materazzi in the final game. What I don't know is who either of them are. Oh well. I still don't understand what the fuss was all about. Stuff like that happens all the time in hockey, but it never makes the news, especially for an entire week.
Well, I guess that's it for now. Time to surf the blog world, and see what's going on offline in the rest of the world (by reading online news sources, of course.) Perhaps I'll update again, should something strike my fancy.

here I raise my Ebenezer hithered by thy help I come

I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm just not feeling like myself. I'm moody, and irritable. And no, it's not that time of the month. I seriously don't know what's up. I can't even blame it on the rain. Well, I could. Except I'd be lying.

I'm having coffee at a quarter til seven. That's just bizarre. Especially since I don't drink coffee on a regular basis.

6 weeks from yesterday until I go back. That makes me happy.

Ridgecrest doesn't look like it's going to work out. I really don't have any feelings one way or the other about it. Maybe because it's indefinite?

My brother is going to teach me a song on the guitar. I really want to find a good acoustic worship song, but I can't think of any.

I don't think I'll be able to go to church on saturday. My family is coming to my house because it's my grandfather's birthday.

I think I'm starting to feel better.

I'm extremely disappointed with myself.
Let me tell you why.
I'm a political science major, and I haven't been keeping up with current news at all this summer. I couldn't tell you what was going on if my life depended on it. I used to know where I stood on all kinds of important issues and events. Now I really have no idea.

I think I have a lot to do this summer.

oh my what a wonderful day.

So I just can't help it. Every time I see Chris Noth in a show, or movie. I think of him as Mr. Big. Then it just ruins his character for me. He makes a good detective in Law And Order: Criminal Intent. At least, I'm sure he would if I could just stop picturing him in whity-tighties.

I don't know what came over me today. I spent, like, 6 hours in the kitchen. I made strawberry shortcake from scratch. And I made fajitas. I was going to make cake, but strawberry shortcake sounded better. Oh, I grilled the fajitas. They were yummy. And in between doing dishes, and taking things out of the oven, I did laundry. Wowsers, sometimes I amaze myself.

Then Rockstar: Supernova came on. Man I love that show. I don't really know why. It seems to me that a lot of the singers on there don't have the talent to front a rock band. A lot of them seem like solo artists. I don't know.

I think it would be cool to live in Europe for a month. Without any actual place to stay. Kinda like a tour, with no plans. Or at least the minimum. I just want to experience something new. Something different. A culture that's different from this one. It just seems like the same stuff goes on over and over.

I guess that's it. I feel drained, emotionally. I've got a lot of energy, though. Maybe I'll just browse some blogs or something. We shall see.

though the sorrow may last for the night, his joy comes with the morning

AHHHH! blogger will be down from 7 pm (my time) til about 8:30. I don't know what that is, but it's something. Luckily, it's happening during Big Brother! A blessing in disguise, I think. Today is a rather mellow day. It's stormy outside, I love it. It's a rather melancholy day. No worries, though. I found this passage the other day, and it made me smile. My pastor put it perfectly, though. Happiness is not joy. Don't get them confused. In the midst of your pain, you can still experience joy. I know, because I have.
Psalm 30:5
For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.

I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity

It feels so much later than 11 o'clock. I don't know why. Maybe because I really haven't done that much today? I don't know.

Oh my gosh. I just realized that I forgot to mention that I got a new purse yesterday! I'm really excited. It was on sale for 3 dollars. THREE DOLLARS!!! this to me is exciting. Especially since it's really cute.


It's more of a beige color. But I absolutely love it.

Anyhoo. I had something I wanted to say but I forgot. Mainly I'm bored. And really tired for some reason. I don't really know why. Though I did learn today that frogs never drink. I found that interesting. Learned it from the underside of a snapple lid.

I've pretty much decided that I'm too dramatic for my own good. Not in the annoying way where I cause drama involving other people. I hate those kind of people. Especially one in particular. But that's something completely different. I mean that I make something out of nothing. I don't really know why I do it. Lately I feel as if my life is rather mundane, maybe it's my way of making life more exciting? I don't know. The reason I've been thinking about this is because I've been thinking about this whole thing with Jonathan. Truth be told, I feel like letting go of him was the best thing I could have ever done. And it sounds selfish, and I hate it. But it's true. Sure, I felt sad when it happened. But more than that, I felt relieved. I didn't question it. I felt good about it. And that peaceful feeling that it gave me, I believe, was God's way of telling me that I had done the right thing. And for the two and a half, almost three, months afterwards was amazing. Sure, I had those moments where I wondered how he was, I still prayed for him, and occasionally there would be a memory that would make me tear up. Overall, though, I was happy. And I still am happy. Now that I have a lot of time to myself, and have nothing going on, now is when I start to miss him. Now is when I start to question my decision. That seems just a bit too coincidental for me. Maybe thinking about him and what could have been takes my mind off the fact that I don't really like it here, and I don't have a lot to do. I think realizing this has helped me let go of the need to have something to hold on to. I think that was it, more than anything. Before I met Jonathan, I had the whole incident with Jared to hold on to. Now there's Jonathan. I think I'm crazy. I don't know. I do know that I'm letting go of this. It's unhealthy, and quite frankly I'm tired of it. I don't expect to just be over him. I don't expect to stop wondering how he is, or erase the memories. Nor do I want that. I do, however, want to stop pretending that I miss him and that my heart is still broken. It's not. I don't think it has been for a long time. I think letting him go was the last thing I needed to do to heal my heart.

Dance Dance Revolution, oh how you move me.

So. I'm just gonna put it out there. I suck at dance dance revolution. Not in the "oh I suck but I'm actually pretty good" way. In the "I get thirty seconds into the song and my feet don't move that fast" way. For Christmas, my brother and I put our money together and got my sister the video game and the mat. Unlike myself, she's rather good at it. I'm sitting here watching her play. Well, kinda. I'm sitting in a chair playing on my computer and she's getting exercise. Nonetheless, I'm watching her, and it's flabbergasting to me that someone's legs can move not only that fast, but in those positions.

I'll just sit here with my slice of pizza and computer while my sister dances away the fat. Oh laziness, how you complete me.

I wish you'd make up my bed so I could make up my mind

So today has been pretty much uneventful. I've spent the better half of my day doing laundry. Okay, okay. So I've only been awake for about 4 hours. Though my day was uneventful, it was productive. I cleaned my room. I'm in the middle of doing all the laundry in the laundry room. And I called the school and found out that the grants I was supposed to be getting, aren't coming. Apparently in the last year my parents started making too much money. This bites. It means I have to take out another loan to get everything paid for. Ahhh. So much for probably getting a car. I know things will work out, it's just aggravating. Grr. At least I still have my job when I go back. That's such a blessing.

So for the past two days, I've been listening to this song by Ryan Adams over and over and over. It's called Come Pick Me Up. It's really good. I don't know why. It's actually pretty said. But in a mellow kinda way. I dunno. I like it. Maybe it's the harmonica. Hm... I looked at the lyrics, and I gotta admit, I don't really understand it. here, look.

"Come Pick Me Up"

When they call your name
Will you walk right up
With a smile on your face
Or will you cower in fear
In your favorite sweater
With an old love letter

I wish you would
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
F*** me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends
They're all full of shit
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

When you're walking downtown
Do you wish I was there
Do you wish it was me
With the windows clear and the mannequins eyes
Do they all look like mine

You know you could
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
F*** me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends behind my back
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

I wish you'd make up my bed
So I could make up my mind
Try it for sleeping instead
Maybe you'll rest sometime
I wish I could

Anyhoo. My sunburn is starting to peel. That sucks.

I wish you would come pick me up take me out steal all my records screw all my friends behind my back with a smile on your face and then do it again

Surprisingly, my day was actually pretty busy. I was woken up by my parents because they decided it was a good shopping day. :) That made me happy. We headed up to Sarasota, and ended up going to two malls. I got quite a few things. A new shirt, cuz I needed it, a new pair of sunglasses :), earbuds to replace my broken ipod ones, and some unmentionables. After the malls, we headed over to Target, then went to Chili's for dinner. I think I was home for all of an hour. Then I headed to the movies with my sister, brother, and dad to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean. It was really good. It definitely sets you up for the third movie. And I'll leave it at that.

When we got home, it was 11:30. My mom's boss had called my dad's cell phone four times while we were in the movie. That was odd, because he never calls that number. It turns out that one of the guys my mom works with died. It's a hard situation. He didn't like his job, and they don't know how or why he died. It was possibly a suicide, which is really sad. He wasn't Christian. He had a depressive personality, and didn't get along with a lot of people that he worked with. But he was a nice man. And in his own way, he took care of my mom at work. However, I think my mom is okay with it. She said they had come to an agreement and got along. Oh well. It's a really sad situation, but it doesn't affect my life.

My brother finally came home. After 9 days. That's kinda crazy. I missed him though. It's weird to say that because we're not exactly close. Which makes me sad. Maybe that's something I'll work on this summer. But he's home, and by the looks of it he won't be leaving for a long period of time for quite a while.

All in all, it was a pretty good day. I don't know what to expect for this week. I do know that we're supposed to be getting my living situation taken care of. I need to get a hold of the school tomorrow and find out what's going on with my loans and scholarships. I guess that's it. I'm gonna try to get my room cleaned tomorrow, and I've got to take care of the laundry. I think I should go to sleep and try to get up before I usually do.

from the broken earth flowers come up pushing through the dirt

Hmm. There's a couple things going on, and I don't know where to start. I guess I'll start with the good and end with the bad, eh?

I found out that Jonathan is planning on going to London in a few months. And apparently, he's planning on living there for a while after college. Which was something we had talked about doing together, I guess it never occurred to me that he'd do it without me. But the good part is this: when I got down to it, and was honest with myself, it didn't affect me. I was apathetic towards it. Normally, I would have been sad because they were plans we'd kinda made together. I guess this means that I've moved on. :)

So I went to church tonight. And it was. I don't know what it was. It just was. In a way, it was good. I knew that I had gone for a reason. The pastor that spoke wasn't the normal pastor, so it was different. But the message was good. It was on how we should respond to pain and suffering. It was a good message. And Tammy Trent was there. The first concert I'd ever been to, she opened for Petra. I was 9. But I digress. I got to hear her testimony, so that was cool. But I wasn't really in the mood for a concert. I wanted to go worship. Let me just say that our worship band (it's not really a band) consists of a guy and three girls with a guitarist and a drummer. And they're good, but not for worship. See, when I'm worshipping, I like to sing with the band, not be led by the guy with the microphone. That's not worship to me. I don't need to be instructed on what to do. If I want to clap, I'll clap. If I want to lift my hands, I will. If not, then please just let me worship in my own way. But I feel like it's a sing along and he's the ring leader. All in all, not a good worship atmosphere. And I don't know why, but they take awesome worship songs and tweak them so that they're hard to sing. I don't know, maybe I'm just being picky. It's hard to believe, because before I left here, I fell in love with this church. But now that I've got a church that I go to on a regular basis, and I love the worship service there, this church just doesn't feel right to me.

I guess I'll just keep praying about it and see what happens.

i'm nothing but alive in Your hands

I'm excited about going to church tonight. I haven't been in quite a while, and that makes me sad. I'm a little nervous because I stopped volunteering in the nursery. Except, I haven't quite told anyone yet. I kinda just stopped going. I know it isn't the right thing to do, I just hate how it's going to make me look. I think I actually showed up all of two times. Though, in my defense. I handed my application in to volunteer the week after I got home, and it took them almost a month to get back to me. Which makes me think that they don't really need more volunteers. But that doesn't excuse not letting them know. It is irresponsible. I think I'm going to take a nap before church. I'm actually pretty tired. And my mom is sick, so I'm hoping I don't get whatever she has.

and will I ever find the reason for life?

I'm very disappointed about Ridgecrest. I was really looking forward to going. I actually thought it was going to work out. Turns out you pay up front, and the school reimburses you. Which totally defeats the purpose, because I won't have the money up front. Grr. It actually kinda upsets me. I feel like this is something I should have been told in the very beginning. If that had happened, I wouldn't have wasted my time.

On an up side, I just got finished watching Elizabethtown. Oh. My. Gosh. That movie was soooo good. In fact, I think it my be on my list of top 5 favorite movies. I probably should compile that list, eh? Maybe that's something I'll do tonight. There's nothing good on television, maybe I'll watch Tristan & Isolde. Or maybe I'll just shut the television off. In fact, that's what I'll do. My ipod is acting up, I'm not sure why. It keeps disconnecting itself from the computer. Oh well. This movie really makes me want to go on a road trip. One of those soul searching road trips. Oh yes, it was indeed a good movie.

Maybe I'll go raid the dvds and see if there's a movie I want to watch. Well I had picked out Sweet Home Alabama but changed my mind. I'm just gonna listen to my ipod while I play on the computer.

So I don't really have any plans this weekend. I hope to go to the gym tomorrow. And church. Because I'm pretty sure I won't go on Sunday morning. I really need to start going again. I miss the atmosphere. I miss the worship. I don't know. I've really been slacking on my quiet time since I came home. I think I've done it like twice. And that's not good. I miss my church. Not the church here. The church back at school. I really miss it. I really miss that all my friends were there. But more than that, I really miss the atmosphere. It's just a completely different one than this church. It's more geared towards worship. Sunday mornings are pretty much the same at most Baptist churches. But Sunday nights (Saturday nights here) are completely different. It's a different feeling, a different objective. I don't know how to describe it. You'd have to experience both places to know what I'm talking about. I feel like I'm starting to fall. And that's no good.

I'm empty handed, but alive in Your hands

Lately I've been giving my friends a lot of advice about love and relationships. And it occurs to me that I haven't exactly followed the advice I give. I tell one friend sex too soon in a relationship can ruin it. Yet look at my track record. Not the greatest. I tell another friend that she can't worry more about someone else's feelings than her own. Yet every relationship I've ever had has been more about the other person than myself. I give up everything I am for the sake of the other person. Yet I "preach" the opposite. I don't know if it's that I'm not practicing what I preach. Because everything that's happened is in the past, whereas the advice is in the present. So is it that I'm giving advice based on my experiences? I don't know. I do know that the advice I give is truly what I think is the right thing to do, and it differs from person to person and is based on their individual situation. I don't believe that a specific situation is the same for every person. Therefore there isn't one piece of advice that would work the same in one situation for every individual. I try to be to my friends what no one was to me. I try to be someone that they can talk to, someone that will be honest with them. I don't purposely try to hurt their feelings, but I don't tell them what they want to hear. I tell them how I see it. I just wonder if I see things differently than they do, sometimes. What I don't know is how my morals influence my advice, and how much they should influence it.

The Lady Is A Tramp

what is up with weird girls? I just don't get it.

I'm watching Rockstar: Supernova. And there's this one chick on here, Dilana. She's just bizarre. She's talented, I'll give her that. And I can even get past the way she looks. I'm all for freedom of expression. I even like her tattoos and piercings. She's a beautiful woman. But she's just so bizarre.

Moving on. Today was an interesting one. I slept til 4 p.m. I don't really know why. I was up til 4 talking to my best friend online. I woke up at like 11:30 and was like "well I could get up, but I'll go back to sleep for an hour or so." And I did, except it was more like 4 1/2 hours.

Mmkay. So this guy just chose to sing Stars by Switchfoot. That's exciting, I love this song! Things are finally looking up :) a little over a month until I go back to school. I'm excited about that. I've been talking to Rachel a lot more lately, and that makes me happy. Cuz I miss her. And I've been talking to Caroline a lot more, too. I miss my friends so much.

Oh man. Big Brother was amazing. I'm so excited about it. It's going to be an absolutely hilarious summer. Yup yup. I feel like I'm running out of things to say. I don't know why.

woohoo. Grease is on. I haven't seen this in a long time. I saw the ending the other day, but not the entire movie. This movie is hilarious. It's on the country music channel, which is surprising. But, whatever. Yay! It's only half over.

So something super exciting happened today. I was looking at stuff on myspace, and it turns out that one of my new favorite bands, Jonezetta, released their 4-song EP for free downloads online. I was super excited. At their concert, I didn't have the money to buy it. But now I didn't have to! I was excited about that. 4 more songs on my iPod! Is it sad that I get excited about that? Oh well.

I think that's all I got for now. Except I think I might want to learn how to dance. Hrm. I think I'll look into it. Anyhoo. I'm out.

oh the fun to be had

So overall, today was pretty good. I spent a couple hours at the beach with my family, minus my brother, plus my aunt and cousin. I got a little burnt, but not too bad. Though I do have a funny tan/burn on my face because of my sunglasses. After the beach we came home and barbecued. It was delicious. And we hung out in the pool, and had some drinks. We then drove three minutes to watch the fireworks display at the high school. Keep in mind, it took us three minutes. We got there an hour before the fireworks display. And it was fun. Oh there was fun to be had. I love it when my dad and aunt get together because it's hilarious. I can honestly say I haven't seen that many rednecks in one place since I moved here. And then there were these people:

Oh yes. It was, indeed, a high class affair. We even had a cover band to serenade us with great country hits. And Sweet Home Alabama. Except. They didn't know the words. Which just made it hilarious. I'm pretty sure afterwards, the guy in the aforementioned truck rounded up all his confederate buddies and had a word with the band, if you catch my drift. After the fireworks, leaving the school was horrific, yet hilarious. It took us at least 10 minutes to get out of the parking lot. Only to be directed in the opposite way of where we needed to be by a cute, yet clueless rookie officer. Oh yes, fun times to be had. My aunt got out of the car a few times because people weren't driving the way she wanted them to. And I'm pretty sure someone got tasered. At least once. Oh the fun. It took us thirty minutes to get home. Thirty minutes for a drive which previously took 3. Once we finally got home, we lit off most of our legal fireworks. Oh yes, it was fun. Let me stress the word legal. All in all, it was a good day.

i need help!

Today was productive. And by productive, I mean fun.
We went to the beach. It was actually fun. I got to hang out with my mom, which was cool. We spent about an hour digging for sharks teeth. And I didn't get burned! I'm still white as can be, but meh. At least I'm not in pain. We were at the beach for about 3 hours. We left just before the afternoon storms came. When we got home I jumped in the pool to rinse off. That felt really good. It's a great, but yucky, feeling when you're all salty from the beach. Then I played on the computer. Mainly compiling a list of songs for the summer. I seem to be stuck. I can't find any more good songs for the summer playlist. Here's what I got so far:

01	Margaritaville	Jimmy Buffett
02	How Forever Feels	Kenny Chesney
03	No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problems	Kenny Chesney
04	Keg In The Closet	Kenny Chesney
05	Mud On The Tires	Brad Paisley
06	Catch Your Wave	Click Five
07	Don't Stop Believing	Journey
08	Rio	Duran Duran
09	Don't Happen Twice	Kenny Chesney
10	99 In The Shade	Bon Jovi
11	Sweet Home Alabama	Lynyrd Skynyrd
12	The Devil Went Down To Georgia	Charlie Daniels Band
13	Boondocks	Little Big Town
14	Fast Cars And Freedom	Rascal Flatts
15	Summertime	Kenny Chesney
16	When The Sun Goes Down	Kenny Chesney
17	Soak Up The Sun	Sheryl Crow
18	Joy To The World	3 Dog Night
19	Two Pina Coladas	Garth Brooks

If ya got more, please let me know!!! I'm going insane. Okay. After compiling this list, I took a nap. At 7 p.m. I know you're jealous. You should be. Naps rock. So now I'm just hanging out. No one's online. I think we're going to the beach again tomorrow, so I'll probably go back to sleep here in a little while. Whodathunk that one could be so tired just because of the beach? Meh. I love sleep, so whatever.
Oh yeah. I have the cutest cat in the world.
Anyhoo.

I LOVE IT!!!!

"To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" is on!!!!! This makes me so excited! I love this movie. It's great. I don't know what it is about these three men in drag, but this movie is great. I definitely recommend that everyone see it at least once.

Okay. Now that I'm done being excited.
Okay sidenote. RuPaul is in the beginning of this movie wearing a dress with the confederate flag on it.
Okay back to whatever I was going to write just a second ago. I seem to have forgotten. Oh well. hahahaha. Robin Williams' name in this movie is John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt. Okay. So there's something different about saturday mornings, and I don't know what it is. The night before usually isn't any different than any other night of the week. I go to bed around the same time (usually long after midnight.) But for some reason, I wake up hours earlier than I do during the week. Maybe it's because my parents are home? Maybe it's because I actually have a reason to wake up? I don't know. I do know that I'm kinda looking forward to getting back to school and getting back into a routine. My classes don't start until 11, so working will be easier, and I won't have to worry about waking up in time to make it to class. Though some things will definitely be different this time around. I don't think I'll be spending as much money on shoes. The plan is to save up as much as I can so we can do a road trip on spring break. I'm definitely looking forward to that. I would absolutely love to do a cross country road trip.
Anyway. I think that's all I have for now. I'm gonna finish watching this movie and try to put some more songs on my ipod.