I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity

It feels so much later than 11 o'clock. I don't know why. Maybe because I really haven't done that much today? I don't know.

Oh my gosh. I just realized that I forgot to mention that I got a new purse yesterday! I'm really excited. It was on sale for 3 dollars. THREE DOLLARS!!! this to me is exciting. Especially since it's really cute.


It's more of a beige color. But I absolutely love it.

Anyhoo. I had something I wanted to say but I forgot. Mainly I'm bored. And really tired for some reason. I don't really know why. Though I did learn today that frogs never drink. I found that interesting. Learned it from the underside of a snapple lid.

I've pretty much decided that I'm too dramatic for my own good. Not in the annoying way where I cause drama involving other people. I hate those kind of people. Especially one in particular. But that's something completely different. I mean that I make something out of nothing. I don't really know why I do it. Lately I feel as if my life is rather mundane, maybe it's my way of making life more exciting? I don't know. The reason I've been thinking about this is because I've been thinking about this whole thing with Jonathan. Truth be told, I feel like letting go of him was the best thing I could have ever done. And it sounds selfish, and I hate it. But it's true. Sure, I felt sad when it happened. But more than that, I felt relieved. I didn't question it. I felt good about it. And that peaceful feeling that it gave me, I believe, was God's way of telling me that I had done the right thing. And for the two and a half, almost three, months afterwards was amazing. Sure, I had those moments where I wondered how he was, I still prayed for him, and occasionally there would be a memory that would make me tear up. Overall, though, I was happy. And I still am happy. Now that I have a lot of time to myself, and have nothing going on, now is when I start to miss him. Now is when I start to question my decision. That seems just a bit too coincidental for me. Maybe thinking about him and what could have been takes my mind off the fact that I don't really like it here, and I don't have a lot to do. I think realizing this has helped me let go of the need to have something to hold on to. I think that was it, more than anything. Before I met Jonathan, I had the whole incident with Jared to hold on to. Now there's Jonathan. I think I'm crazy. I don't know. I do know that I'm letting go of this. It's unhealthy, and quite frankly I'm tired of it. I don't expect to just be over him. I don't expect to stop wondering how he is, or erase the memories. Nor do I want that. I do, however, want to stop pretending that I miss him and that my heart is still broken. It's not. I don't think it has been for a long time. I think letting him go was the last thing I needed to do to heal my heart.