Ramblings

is it possible to take a break from life?

I feel like that's what I need. This situation has exhausted me emotionally and mentally. It brought up things that I wasn't even aware were stressing me out. I mean, yeah I feel better now that I put an end to the nonsense. But at the same time, it made me realize that there is nothing here for me. There is no one here for me. And I have at least four more months of this. I mean, sure I'll get a job. And there's church. Plus classes will keep me busy. And I'll be able to make trips up to see all my friends. But I know I won't be able to go every weekend, and it would be nice to have some things to do around here and some people to do it with.

I see pictures that different girl have put up. There they are with a group of friends, and they all look so happy. I can't help but be a little jealous of that. Sure I have friends, but I don't have that. I don't have a group of close girl friends. I feel like the friends that I do have, I don't have much in common with. And it's making it harder because I'm not going back right away, so everyone is moving on and I feel stuck. I feel trapped in this life.

The sermon yesterday was on interruptions in your life, and how they can be God's introduction for something amazing in your life. I know that this is an interruption, and I'm sure something amazing will come out of it. One day, I'm sure I'll look back and think to myself "yeah, it sucked. But it was worth it." Right now, however, I have a hard time keeping that in mind.

I keep saying that I want to get back into a routine, and all that. And I really do mean it. I just can't make myself do it. I'd much rather sleep, even though I really get nothing out of it. I really hope that I'm not becoming depressed again. I don't think I could handle that. I feel like I'm going stir crazy. Maybe I just need to get out of here for a while. Who knows.