A confession of sorts. An apology to those I respect.

God has really laid this on my heart as of late. But I've been stubborn and therefore this is much later than it should have been. I feel that this isn't as personal as I'd like to be, but I feel that I need to do this now, and I'm unable to do it in person.

I feel that I owe you an apology, and an explanation of why I'm apologizing. I have this really bad habit of closing myself off when I'm struggling and need help. A few months ago was no exception. I was struggling in my faith. As a result I let my friendships suffer. I basically disappeared. I may have told you that I was busy, perhaps I didn't answer your phone call, or your IM, or even worse if I saw you in person I may have pretended not to. The truth is that I was avoiding everyone at all cost. I needed help and refused to ask for it. I was angry at myself, but took it out on everyone else. This was completely unfair. I started to get upset that people couldn't see that I needed help, and that no one reached out to me. The fact of the matter is that you did reach out to me. But I didn't want to admit that I was wrong, so I pretended I didn't see it. Looking back, I'm very ashamed of my actions and of the way that I treated you. The end of the semester came, and I came to Late Nite a couple times. At this point, I couldn't have blamed you if you wanted nothing to do with me. But despite the way that I treated you, you still reached out to me. And this made me angry also. I have no rational explanation for this, except to say that I was becoming more and more angry with myself, yet still refusing to take responsibility for my actions. This summer has been a long walk with God about my actions and the way that I treated you. I underestimated you and I judged you unfairly. I know that sometimes an apology never feels like enough but it's all I have to give you. I am so very truly sorry for my actions. I have the greatest amount of respect for you. Each one of you have been an incredible influence on my life and my faith in one way or another. I only hope that you will give me a chance to show you that I've changed, and to get to know you better.