You search much deeper within through the way things appear You're looking into my heart

"comfort is dangerous."

My bible is full of post-its with notes from sermons or my thoughts when I was reading a particular passage. This particular note is stuck on the inside of the cover of my bible. There are a few books (with chapters and verses) jotted down, along with some bullet points. But this phrase is bold and I drew a border around it. Apparently that was the main idea of that particular sermon.

I suppose that this could be applied to my current situation. This isn't to say that anything is going wrong, per se. It's just that things aren't really going. Anywhere. When I pray it feels impersonal. I mean, it's getting better. I'm praying again, so that's an improvement, but it still seems impersonal. I don't know the last time that I did my quiet time, and last night was the first night in a long while that I've spent any time in the Word.

I suppose it's confession time. I have this problem. Rather, it's a jealousy. I'm jealous of those who have this awesome relationship with God. I know quite a few people who are madly in love with Christ and I want that. I want it badly. My problem is this: I don't know how to get it. What's worse is that I hate asking for help. I feel like I should know how to get there on my own. I want to be in that place where I don't have to worry about anything because I know it's taken care of. I want to be so busy and so focused on my relationship with Christ that I don't desire a relationship with another person. I want it to happen because it's supposed to, not because I'm trying to make it happen.

I don't know. I guess I'm just comfortable. I know that I have to make myself uncomfortable but let's face it. That sucks.

It's weird because for the first time in a couple of months, I'm genuinely happy. Things are going well for me, aside from this. I'm not depressed anymore, and I've "come to terms with" a lot of things in my life that I thought were holding me back.