if you don't have faith you have nothing at all if you don't have deeds your faith will fall

It's funny how a split second can change your entire outlook. God really knows how to get my attention. I don't even know where to begin. I was supposed to go to work tonight. Challenge was at 8. I decided to take a shower around 7:30. At 7:55 I decided to go to Challenge instead. So I walked to BCM. I gave up the closing base shift to go. It was the best decision I think I've ever made. I was really convicted tonight, in so many ways. The pastor from Late Nite spoke, and the message was on being a servant. I think the thing that hit home most was that in order to be selfless, you have to get over yourself. I realized that these past couple of weeks I've been very selfish. I've been focused on myself, I've been pitying myself. I've been upset because people aren't fulfilling my needs. It was through a conversation with someone (which I'll explain in a bit) that I realized that I can't rely on others to fulfill my needs. If I give of myself the way that God has called me to, He will fulfill all my needs. I'm relying too much on myself and others, and not enough on God.

Which brings me to Jessica. I won't get into details of the past, but suffice to say we aren't exactly friends. Up until tonight we acknowledged each other's presence, and that was about it. For very immature reasons, I didn't like her, and she didn't like me. Tonight we had a long talk, we actually talked until everyone cleared out. It was really good for us, I think. I think we might become good friends. I realized that I am not alone in what's been going on for the past two weeks.

All in all it was a very good night. Afterwards I went with Caroline to the top of the parking garage and we watched all our crazy friends skateboard. Good times.

I'm gonna steal something from my friend Ellie and start writing what I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for:

• an outlet for my pent up thoughts and emotions, so I don't take them out in a more destructive way.
• My God for never giving up on me
• new friends
• old friends
• music, for calming me when I'm upset (not this time though!)
• my family, for being so supportive when I need it the most
• Pastor Buff, for always cutting straight to the heart when I need to hear it
• Ellie, for being so supportive and praying for me even though she's far away and has her own family to worry about