Saturday, October 27, 2007

When I'm so fake, does Your heart ache?

This song speaks volumes.
(click for lyrics)


A conversation with a friend has gotten me thinking. It was actually the first time in a while that I've had a semi-in depth conversation concerning my quiet time with anyone. She quoted Isaiah 30:21 which states "Your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, "this is the way, walk in it." Whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left." I realized that I've never heard such a voice. What's worse is that I'm not sure I would recognize if it I were to hear it. I don't know how to hear it. I feel like I'm that child that just doesn't get it and God is the parent that gets so frustrated. He must be up there going "are you serious? I've told you a million times." I just don't get it. This makes me worry that I'm not going the right way, and I wouldn't even know what the right way is. Then we talked about how this past weekend made me realize that I only come to God when it's convenient for me, when I feel empty or when I'm in trouble. And I've been working on that this past week. That got us talking about my quiet time. I feel like I'm doing it wrong. Is that even possible? I have this expectation of what's "supposed" to happen, and when it doesn't I get discouraged. I don't know where this expectation came from. I think that maybe I just built it up based on what other people say theirs is like. I know that it's different for everyone because everyone's relationship is different, but when nothing happens I get lost because I have no idea what to do. I think I may have made it more difficult on myself, reading all kinds of different devotionals and what they claim the "best formula" is. It's weird because I feel like my quiet time shouldn't follow a formula, but then without it I'm at a loss as to what to do. I feel like this is the reason that I'm not getting anything out of it. I have such a desire to get something out of it, to build this awesome relationship, I just have no idea how to achieve it. And I feel like it's even harder because I don't have anyone that I talk to about it. I have no idea where to go from here. My expectations, I feel, are blocking me from what should be an awesome experience. I don't know how to get past them.
Posted by at

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Amber,

I have recently found out that there is a way to study your Bible that will take you into the Word deeper and with more understanding. I am only just getting into the concept of it, and have not studied this way, but I intend to. I talked to one lady who uses this method and she said it is truly amazing. It is called the Inductive Method, I think. Kay Arther speaks about it and I picked up her book, The Inductive Way of Studying Your Bible, or something like that. I don't have the book in front of me right now. It sounds/appears to be really life changing and so if you copy the link below into your search engine and go to her website you can get more information on it if you wish to. I have been reading testimonys of people who have started to study their Bibles this way and how much clearer things are to them and how much closer they feel to God now. Hope this helps...we are all on a journey, are we not..it is good you are so young and asking/seeking for these kinds of answers.


http://www.precept.org/site/PageServer?pagename=101_discover

9:25 AM
heiresschild said...

hi amber, for me personally, i've learned to take my relationship with God day-by-day. no 2 days are alike, but i've learned to relax and let God lead me in what He wants. today, i may read a bit and reflect on that. tomorrow, i may sing in God's presence and let Him minister to me thru the song, or afterwards. another time, may be just sitting quietly in His presence, but sometimes because of our expectations, we might not get what we're looking for. i always expect to hear from God, and i do. might not be what i want to hear, or what i'm looking for, but i'm assured it's what God wants to give me at that time. i ask God to lead me in what He wants me to do that day and how He wants me to do it. it may be hanging out with a friend, and hearing God thru our sharing.

i think it's important that we relax and let God lead us in what He'll have us to do, or how He'll have us to do it, whether it's to read, sing, pray, talk, or just sit quietly in His presence. as you mentioned, each relationship is different, and because of that, He'll speak and interact different with each of us. because of that, i don't try and pattern myself or my devotional time with God after someone else. i live by proverbs 3:5-6.

i love reading your posts. they're very honest, interesting, and thought-provoking.

9:49 AM
kara said...

A quiet time seems like it would be very useful. I don't think I have the ability to sit quietly, though. Even if no one is home, I talk to the cat. But maybe that's what I find soothing, you know? Calling her names.

10:30 PM

Post a Comment