I could love somebody other than you but I don't want to

It feels like I haven't been here in forever.
It's amazing.
I feel so much lighter, it's such a great feeling.
I'm also feeling better. I have more energy, and am getting back into a regular sleeping pattern. This weekend kinda screwed that up, though. Thursday night I went out with one of my friends for his birthday and we ended up at IHOP at 330, didn't get to sleep til about 6. Same thing Saturday morning because I did Relay For Life. Then on Saturday night, I did a police ride along and didn't get home until almost 4 a.m. so of course didn't fall asleep til about 6 a.m. again. So I'm trying to get out of that. Last night I went to sleep around 4. Woke up at noon. Now instead of sleeping for 12+ hours, I'm only sleeping for 8. Now if only I could make myself go to sleep at an earlier time. But the vitamins are helping, and I'm feeling a lot better. Both physically and otherwise.
I went to Late Nite on Sunday. It was awesome. I realized that part of the problem that I was having was the fact that I hadn't reached out to anyone for help. I was blaming other people, and refusing to acknowledge my role in it. Sunday night was good because I finally reached out to someone for help. I finally admitted to myself that I can't do this on my own, and that I need someone else. It felt really good. Not only did I do that, but for the first time in probably two months I was able to cry. Not just a couple tears, but really crying. It got to the point where I couldn't stop crying. It was such a release. My soul felt so much better after that. Now I just have to stick to it, and not get scared. I realized that I have this thing about allowing people to see when I'm broken. I hate being judged, and I think that admitting to needing help causes people to judge me in a bad way.
So that sums up where I've been for a while. I honestly was not doing well at one point, and made some bad decisions. I was involved with a guy that I should not have been involved with. Finally I got tired of being treated the way that I was, and I was upset with myself for being in that situation. So I mustered up all the strength I had at that point and told him that I deserved better and that I didn't want to see him anymore. Let me tell you something, when you're in one of the lowest points in your life, and struggling with the things that I had been struggling with (as far as relationships go) one of the hardest things to do is end any semblance of a relationship that you have with someone. I wanted so badly to have someone, I missed the intimacy of a relationship. I wanted it so badly, that I settled for someone that under other circumstances I would not have even considered. I'm not proud of it, but it taught me a great lesson.

On a much lighter note, for my birthday I received Pride And Prejudice on DVD! I love it! It even has the ending that the other version I had didn't. I'm so excited!