the world is turning in front of me and sometimes it's hard for me to let go

So in my quiet time yesterday, something dawned on me. I meant to write about it last night, but I was just so tired!

So my devotional is by Beth Moore and it's called Praying God's Word: Devotional Journal. I know that there's a book that it's supposed to go with, but meh. I didn't want to read the book, I just wanted the journal. So that's what I got.

Anyway, yesterday's devotional was called "Much to Teach" and she has this to say: Perhaps one of your strongholds is an addiction to a certain substance or behavior (hahaha God just kicked me in the face when I read that). Hear me: God can set you free. But what He requires from you is time, trust, and cooperation. The immense power of an addiction is rarely broken in a day. You see, God has as much desire to teach you as well as overwhelm you. He could show us His power by instantaneously setting us free from all desire for our stronghold. But few things beyond our salvation are "once and for all." If He delivered us instantly, we would see His greatness once, but we would soon forget. We'd risk going back. On the other hand, if God teaches us victory in Christ day by day, we live in the constant awareness of His greatness and sufficiency.

Let me tell you, that was a blow. Here I had been expecting God to just automatically take away my desire. It hadn't occurred to me that perhaps God was taking it away, just not automatically. It never occurred to me that the Teacher wanted to actually teach me. In that moment it occurred to me that this desire to go to clubs and go out to bars is an addiction. And for a long time, I thought that the only addictive part was the drinking, and I figured that as long as I didn't drink when I went out, I'd be okay. Aha! How wrong was I? That was a lie Satan was telling me. It had nothing to do with alcohol. I stopped drinking when I went out, and I didn't feel any better. The way I acted was the problem. Here's the kicker for me. I stopped telling people that I was doing it, because I knew what their reactions would be. GUILT? you bet. I didn't realize it, though. Talk about a kick in the pants.

I'm nervous though. I feel as if I can't trust myself to make the right choice. I've already proven that I give in to temptation if I'm having an especially rough time. Sometimes I can be strong and avoid temptation. Other times, especially if I'm stressed or having a hard time with something, the temptation is too much. I tell myself "this is the last time." Well the last three times have been the "last time." So where did that get me?

I think, though, that yesterday's devotion really made a difference for me. I realized that it is possible to resist the temptation, even in the hard times. I just have to work extra hard.