6 days and counting...

one week left.

It's so weird that it's already a week away. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm gonna need to find a job as soon as I get back. I'm considering going back to my old job, depending on who is in charge.

Things have been weird lately. Time is going by so fast. I can't believe Christmas was already a week ago. It's so weird that this year is almost over. It doesn't feel like it should be 2008 yet.

It's weird to think that I'm a year away from graduating. Ugh. life is happening so fast. I'm not ready for this.

I have so much to do this week. I have to make sure all my clothes are clean. Then I have to figure out everything I'm taking, and pack it all up, that's going to be weird. Then after I pack everything, I have to go through my room and make sure there isn't anything in here that's mine. It's going to be turned into the guest room. That seems strange to me, knowing that I won't be coming back here permanently. I can't start packing until Wednesday(ish.) So I hope to have everything taken care of by Friday.

I've been trying to get a hold of Val. I have a few questions for her, but so far I haven't been able to.

I love that after shower feeling. My hair smells good, both my hair and skin are so soft. My legs are smooth, and I just feel so clean.

Methinks it's time for some water and finding some new music.

lalalala... I'm bored

I can't believe tomorrow is already Christmas eve.

It feels so unlike Christmas that it's weird.

I have a weird bump on my lip that is bothering me. It's like a pimple or something, but it's not. if that makes sense.

I've been feeling a lot better, lately. I think that's a good sign.

I keep thinking that moving back is 3 weeks away, but in reality it's week after this. CRAZY!

I'm ready to go back, but I'm not. It's going to be so different. Different, and sad.

My thoughts are coherent, but come across as rambling. I find that odd.

It feels like forever since I've been here.

One of these days I'll come up with a real post. After Christmas, probably.

It'll be a good story. Probably with a little drama, a little comedy, lots of presents. haha. Can't wait!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Brokenness is what I long for.... Or at least I should.

in a conversation with my friend (in reference to my last post) she said something that made me stop and think. When she was faced with a situation similar to mine, her friend had told her that God desires brokenness. This was something that I had never considered before. In fact, I wasn't really even aware of this. It kind of freaks me out. I've been broken before, and it's awful. I think knowing that makes it even harder. How can I pray to be broken when I don't want to be broken? Well, I do and I don't. Spiritually, I do because I know that it will make things better. Physically/emotionally? I'd rather walk on broken shards of glass.

This is what I'm struggling with now. I know that in order to get past this hurdle, I have to become broken. I know it's what I need. But it scares me, and because of that, it makes it harder for me to desire that.

I spoke the words, but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.

It's not often that a single line in a song affects me as much as this one.

It's a strange feeling.

I never thought about how much I do that. Speak, without giving thought to the meaning of the words. Most often, it's something as simple as an "I'm sorry" or a seemingly insignificant little white lie. Sometimes I don't think about the effect that my words (could) have on someone.

But, perhaps most hauntingly, I'm realizing that this describes my faith, my prayers, and sometimes my beliefs. How often I'll sing along with a song, not giving real thought to the lyrics I'm singing. Or say a brief prayer, without giving thought to what it really is that I'm saying. Sometimes prayers for other people are really prayers for myself, selfish prayers. Lately, during my quiet time, I've been praying that God would reveal Himself to me, but the words feel empty. There is no feeling behind them. I don't think I really want God to reveal Himself to me, because in that revelation, I will have to take a closer look at myself and see that I'm really not living the way that I say that I want to. That makes me a liar, and a hypocrite.

Who wants to actually believe that about themselves? I'd much rather live in my little bubble of (un)blissful ignorance. Perhaps a self-imposed ignorance?

if you are chilly, here take my sweater

I love sinus infections. I mean, seriously, who doesn't? My sinuses are all screwed up. One minute I'm all stuffy and can't breathe. The next, they're dry and painful. Also, because of this, my throat is all scratchy. The only way to make my throat feel better is by drinking hot tea. Which is fine, except I put my hot tea in my insulated Starbucks cup, which made sure that it stayed hot. I scalded my tongue and now it feels weird. Fun times.

Ah, well. Gives me an excuse to spend the night watching the CSI: Miami marathon and not feel like a bum.

I finally got all my paperwork faxed today. I have to call them tomorrow and find out how long it's going to take to find out whether I've been approved. I really should not have put this off. I hope the office is open tomorrow, otherwise I'll have to wait until Monday.

I want to wake up with the rain falling on a tin roof

AH! In my drugs and crime class I have an 89.2% I'm glad that I did really well, but I just keep thinking that one more question right on a test would have bumped me up to an A. That's the unofficial official grade. So maybe he'll bump it up?

I can't believe it's already Friday(ish). Time is going by so fast. I couldn't get my paperwork faxed today, because I had to get something notarized and forgot about it. So I'm gonna have to do it tomorrow.

I was watching Paula Deen yesterday and she made cherries jubilee. It looked so good, and now I want some. I have two cans of cherry pie filling in the pantry, but no vanilla ice cream! How upsetting. Maybe I'll pick some up tomorrow. With brandy? Apparently you put brandy in it, and I'm quite sure we don't have any.

I have a sore throat. It's not to the point where it's painful to swallow, just annoying. Which I think is worse. I drank some hot tea, but that only made it feel better while I was drinking it.

bedtime, I think.

There's no place to hide when you're tangled up inside.

Today is the day that I fax all my paperwork for my apartment. Nothing like waiting until the last minute.

I learned something about myself this week. I like the really corny pop songs. Like "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat. Or, "The Way I Am" my Ingrid Michaelson. Yep.

Also, I've been invited to a New Year's Eve party. It's also a going away party. I don't think I'm going to go. It's hard, because I feel kind of bad for not going, but since I've been gone none of these people have made an effort to keep in touch. It's sort of the "out of sight, out of mind" thing. Even though I've attempted a few times to get in touch with them and see how they're doing. Though, I don't know why I would expect anything else out of them. They've proven to be like this every time I'm gone for a prolonged period of time. Oh well. I'm actually not upset about it.

I have an appointment on Monday (finally) to get new glasses. The ones I have now aren't working. They're only good for watching TV. I can't use them when I read or when I'm on my computer. When I drive I wear them because it's better than when I don't wear them, but some things are still blurry at certain distances. So hopefully I can get that taken care of.

Aww, my little piece of chocolate out of my advent calendar just fell between my bed and the wall and ended up on the floor. That makes me sad.

Well, I suppose I should start getting ready. I have to go take the paperwork to my mom so she can sign the guarantor's form. Plus, I'm going to use her fax machine.

12 days til Christmas!

So I'm completely finished with three classes. I'm just waiting on my final grades. Tomorrow is a free day for my siblings (neither of them have to work) so that's when I'm going to take my last final. I saved the easiest for last. It's cumulative, but I have notes for every chapter, and I actually read every chapter because it was that interesting. So that should be relatively easy.

I can't believe there are only two weeks until Christmas. It doesn't feel like it's that close. Especially since it's still ridiculously hot. Tomorrow it's supposed to be 85. I'm ready for some cold! Nature needs to get with the program. Seriously.

It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags!

I'm tired, physically, I think. Which is odd, because it's only 8 p.m. and I didn't get out of bed until noon today. To make up for my laziness this morning, I spent a couple of hours baking cookies. Snickerdoodles and sugar cookies, to be exact. I was going to make m&m cookies and teegeback, but it was too late for that. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow after I take my final. We'll see.

Right now I'm watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas with my parents and my brother. The cartoon, of course. That's because I don't care for the Jim Carrey version. He is probably my least favorite actor. Ever since I saw Liar, Liar. Anyway. So we're watching the cartoon version because I missed it the first time it was on. This is probably my favorite Christmas cartoon. I love the dog in it.

I still haven't read the three chapters for my test. Luckily, I have until Tuesday night to take it. I've been procrastinating those chapters pretty badly.

That's all I've got, apparently. I thought I had more to say.

why am I so blind, with my eyes wide open?

This week has been rather busy for me. It's paid off, though, because I'm completely finished with two classes! That is such a relief. Especially since one of them is the one I like the least. The two that are left are probably my two favorite ones, drugs and science and crime. Plus, I ordered all my books this week, and I'm completely registered so that's a relief! Now all that's left is to get the paperwork for my apartment so I can get everything faxed. I'll have to do that on Monday. After my final of course. I can't believe that it's already finals week. This semester flew by.

Despite the fact that it was very busy, this week was pretty good. There were two days where I got to spend a significant amount of time with my brother, just the two of us. That doesn't happen very often. Plus, there's been a good amount of family holiday time. That's always fun. There's also been a good amount of baked goods in my house. Not so good for my whole "trying-not-to-gain-a-ton-of-weight-this-holiday" plan, but good for my taste buds. So I'm okay with that. I suppose it doesn't help that every day I get to eat a little piece of chocolate.

My tooth/jaw situation is pretty interesting. I've been taking my antibiotics, and I haven't had any pain (hooray!) and lately there hasn't been any pressure on my tooth. However, it's still kinda sensitive to chew on that side and I've been afraid to find out if it's still cold/heat sensitive.

On a completely unrelated note, my cat likes apple streusel.

And, I found out what the Oxford comma was today. Never knew what it was called. Actually, I didn't really know that there was a name for it. Whatever.

I've been playing a lot of Wii this week. I even have a Mii. It's quite entertaining. Also helps in my procrastination, and I find that hours go by without my knowledge while I'm playing. I decided that it probably wasn't a good idea to have in my room when I was trying to study.

Speaking of, I think I'll go play Wii now.

Ahhh. procrastination

In an effort to procrastinate, I present to you my Christmas tree :)

Christmas is coming!

And now, for a real post. ha!

I should be studying. I've managed to put it off for 3 hours now. I'm pretty proud. Except I really need to do it. It's coming down to the wire, as they say. What does that even mean?

Today is First Advent. It officially kicks off Christmas in my household. It's a tradition we've had since we were little kids. It was something that my dad's family celebrated, and now we celebrate it. I'd explain it, but according to the wikipedia article, we celebrate it differently. So I guess I'll explain how we celebrate it. Advent Sunday starts four Sundays before Christmas Eve. We have an Advent wreath:
The four candles around the wreath are lit on the four Sundays before. One candle on the first, two on the second, and so on. The middle candle (and all surrounding candles) are lit on Christmas Eve. When my siblings and I were younger, we used to fight over who got to blow the candles out. We wait until it is dark outside (which is much earlier up north than here!) and then my brother, sister, and I go into one of our bedrooms and shut the door. We read the Christmas Story (typically out of Matthew or Luke) out loud (we take turns each Sunday) and wait until we hear the Christmas music. When we come out, all the Christmas lights are on, candles are lit, and the advent wreath is lit according to which Sunday it is. We each have a Christmas tray full of candies and chocolate. On Second Advent we have a small, unwrapped gift with our candies. On Third Advent our parents pick a small gift from under the tree for us to open, and on Fourth we are allowed to pick our own gift. After, we sit around and just talk and enjoy the ambiance. This is definitely one of my favorite Christmas traditions and one I plan on celebrating when I have children.

How cool would this have been when we were little?

Now you can track Santa's sleigh using Google.

Man.

bored...

Who knew that CSI: Miami could be so distracting? Not I!

I intended to read two chapters and take a test this evening. I also decided to put on the tv in the background. Little did I know, I had turned on a CSI marathon. HEAVEN! I love this show. I have to remember to figure out when the new episodes are on and add it to the list of shows that I watch.

The reading, on the other hand, didn't happen so much. I did get about a third of the way through the chapter, maybe closer to halfway, with pretty decent notes. But I still kept getting distracted. So I figure that I'll just work on it this weekend. I've got nothing else to do, besides study for my final on Monday. I really need to study for that one, too. It's the class that I like the least. It's even worse because I thought that it would be pretty interesting, but the book is awful and the professor is even worse. It takes me like 2 hours to get through a chapter because I have to keep rereading stuff. These last few weeks, I've just been skimming through the chapters.

So I think my tooth/jaw thing might be getting better. Now I just have a dull throbbing every once in a while and I can take regular ibuprofen when it gets too bad and it goes away. The only thing that sucks is that when I talk, sing, chew, or just move my jaw too much it irritates it and starts to throb.

I'm so excited for Christmas! First Advent is this Sunday and that means that three more Sundays after this one before Christmas. I can't believe tomorrow is already December 1st. Where did this year go?

We are by Your design signature of divine

This week has been relatively uneventful, seeing as how I have spent most of it drugged and/or sleeping. I've managed to do homework for two classes, and that's only because I had deadlines. Monday I have a final exam in the one that I really dislike, so that will be helpful in getting all my classes taken care of. I can't believe there's only two weeks left in the semester. I'm pretty excited because I only have a final exam in two classes. That paper I had been working on was my final in my Sex Offenders class and in my other class I have a test, but it's only over two chapters and then I'm done! Hooray!

I have a hard time telling if my jaw is getting better. I'm taking antibiotics, the doctor thinks I have TMJ. It still feels swollen compared to the other jaw. I still wake up with pain, though the severe pain bouts are farther between than they were at the beginning of the week. So I guess that's a good sign?

I should be doing homework right now. It's due by 5 and I have to leave here around 2:3oish, and won't be back til probably 4 or so, which doesn't leave enough time to do it afterwards.

It's cloudy outside, and this morning when I took my brother to work (at 5:30!!!!) it was muggy and really foggy. I'm hoping against hope that it's cold outside, even though I know it won't be. Ugh. I hate the weather here. I'm so jealous of all the people who have snow.

I suppose I should do my homework now. I should probably eat something, too. My stomach doesn't feel the hottest and I haven't eaten a real meal since like Saturday or Sunday.

Updates

Oh what a busy weekend I've had. First was the holiday, which was fun, but also created tension which resulted in a huge blowup between me and my parents. I was shuttling my siblings back and forth to work this weekend. My bother went in at 6 a.m. on Saturday and my sister at 9 a.m. Not to mention Friday where my sister went in at 7 a.m. and I decided to do a little shopping, since I had never been on black Friday. I have to say that I was disappointed. The sales weren't really that great, and parking was pretty awful. For the amount of shopping that I was doing, it just wasn't worth it. However, I do plan on going shopping the day after Christmas, because those sales will be worth it. On top of all that, I've developed some kind of infection. I'm not sure if it's a sinus infection or a tooth infection. I know that my tooth throbs. Monday I woke up at 7 to go to the dentist. He told me it was a sinus thing, told me to get sudafed and ibuprofen. So I decided to go see my doctor at the walk in clinic. Instead I got stuck with a physician's assistant who can't write prescriptions for pain pills. So he sent me home with a prescription for Naproxen, claiming that I had irritated a joint in my jaw. This was after I spent the entire night awake because of the pain. Needless to say I was not very happy that I got sent home with no painkillers. Last night I went to the after-hours clinic and the same physician's assistant was there. So I went and got some sudafed, and then did a little more Christmas shopping with my brother. The sudafed helped for a while. It helped with the jaw pain. Now, however, I have a horrible toothache that keeps coming back. I've taken Tylenol and that doesn't seem to help. The only thing that did help was Tylenol P.M. That only afforded me 4 hours of comfortable sleep. So every four hours last night I woke up with a horrible toothache. It feels like my tooth is trying to wiggle it's way out of my mouth. So I have a 2:30 appointment with my doctor. I need antibiotics and painkillers. Good ones. Not something ridiculous like Naproxen, which is just an anti-inflammatory, and the only thing it does is give me stomach problems. So I have two more hours of pain, because I can't take a Tylenol P.M. now and take the chance that I miss my appointment. I had to fight hard for them to squeeze me in. Oh, and did I mention that the entire left cheek is swollen? Yeah, it's great. And the tylenol extra strength isn't working. I can't eat. It sucks. So that's why I haven't been blogging in the past week or so.

hooray for Christmas cards!

Woohoo! I took the time during a CSI:Miami marathon on A&E (woohoo!) to make my Christmas cards. I'm pretty excited about it. I'd post pictures, but some of them are going to people who read this and I don't want to give away the surprise. So there.

Now I'm pretty tired, so I think I'll sleep. Big day tomorrow of eating, and all.

Plus, going shopping Friday morning! It'll be my first excursion on Black Friday. I'm pretty excited about it. I have two gifts to figure out, one to pick up, and I've already gotten one. I have no idea what to get my sister or my dad.

UGH! How am I supposed to sleep when there's a CSI marathon on and I need to catch up?!?!

Stupid feelings.... who needs them?

Do you ever feel unappreciated?

Sometimes I sure do.

I know lately that I haven't really been on top of things when it comes to helping out my mom around the house. What with school and the semi-depression that I was in, I just didn't have it in me to do much around the house.

But my whole life I've always been the one to help my mom. Whether it was by cleaning the house, cooking, whatever. I've been able to cook an entire meal by myself since I was about 10. I'm actually pretty proud of that. It seems these days a lot of girls my age can't even cook for themselves, let alone a family. But that's not the point. The point is, I've always helped my mom out when she needed it.

Just to compare, when I was a senior in high school (and the year after that I still lived at home) I had a job, went to school, and helped out around the house. I cooked pretty much whenever I was home for dinner, I cleaned and did laundry. At the same age, my sister barely takes care of her cat, let alone the rest of the house. So it kinda hurts a little every time one of my parents say that I never do anything around the house. Or when they make little side comments every time I say that I'll do something. Or when they act surprised when they come home and I've cleaned the kitchen. I don't know, maybe I'm just overreacting, but I don't think so. I've even had family members tell me privately that they see how much I do for my parents and how it often goes unnoticed.

Aside from that, every time my mom needs something, she asks me. And I do it. Not that I mind doing it, but at least acknowledge that I do everything she asks me to. When I say something about how their comments suck they just brush it off and act like I'm exaggerating when I say I do everything. Like just now, for example. I'm in my bedroom, with the door shut. Both of my parents are in the living room, and I got called to go turn the air conditioning down, even though they're in there. I get my mom water, her medicine, I run errands for her whenever she asks me, and I rarely complain.

So tonight I made a comment to my dad about how he should help my mom out with the pies tonight because she's making dinner for him tomorrow. When he asked what I was doing tomorrow, and I said that I would be helping my mom out (which I do every year) he laughed and said "yeah... we'll see."

UPDATES!

It feels like FOREVER since I've been here. Ah, well. Only five days.

My professor never did email me back. Turns out she never got my email in the first place. Which is kinda good for me. I got sick of waiting for her (well, after 2 days) so I decided to ask one of my friends what she thought. We deciphered the syllabus, (and by deciphered, I mean I read it like 4o82597529 times and finally found the sentence that told me point blank what type of paper to write) and I felt much better.

Now I'm done with my paper and have submitted it. I should be reading the last two chapters for the test that I have to take tomorrow, but I'll do that tomorrow morning. I've been working on my paper pretty much all weekend, and I need a break. I think the most productive thing I've done all day is walk out to the mailbox and get the mail. Oh, and I gathered supplies (read:took stuff out of my mom's Christmas stash) for my cards. Which I think I'll start this week. It seems like a good time to start. The test tomorrow is the only real productive thing I have to do this week for my classes. Oh, and an assignment for the class I just turned the paper into, but that isn't due until Monday, and the quiz won't post until Wednesday night some time. Plenty of free time this week. In about 30 I have to leave to take my sister to work. I suppose I should make a list of things that I need (I'm going to the dollar store for stuff I don't have for my cards, like glue and random things) and get dressed. Plus I have to stop and get gas, so We may leave earlier than that.

Oh yeah. It's officially the official holiday season. I know this to be true because 1) the mall has extended their hours until 10 and last night I found a radio station that's playing Christmas music.

and WAYYYYYYYYY more importantly, my Michael Buble ticket came in the mail today. SO EXCITED!

Great Expectations

My mom is addicted to crack... in the form of pixie stix.

I'm procrastinating, and waiting for my professor to email me back so I know what kind of paper to write. The last thing I want to do is write a paper and find out that I should have written it a completely different way. That would be awful.

I've also decided that there are a lot of terms/words that get thrown around for no reason. Like "best friends." What is a best friend? Someone that you can tell anything to, feel completely comfortable around, and know that they won't judge you for the things that you've done. Someone who is there for you when you need it. Someone who you can be a complete idiot around and not feel weird.

Hrm.