Randomocity

Life is funny. Not in the "haha" sort of way. In the way that makes you cock your head and raise an eyebrow. It's interesting the way things work out.

I have a hole in the underarm of my favorite black tank top/camisole thing. It makes me sad. I think it's time to retire it.

Moving is a stressful process. One which I'm glad is over.

Super Mario on Super Nintendo beats every game ever made since then.

It's finally warming up. Which means it's finally beach weather!

Thursday.

I have a strong desire to journal today. To sit in a cafe somewhere and write.

I think today I might open my Bible again. Maybe I will go to the bookstore and soak up the comfort of anonymity.

The internship is Chicago is still reviewing applications. I wonder what that means for me.

Ponderings...

"When two people love each other but can't get it together, when do you get to the point when enough is enough?"

That's the question that came from a friend tonight, and it struck a chord. Everyone's "enough" is different.

"You got to believe that right here, right now you're exactly where you're supposed to be."

These are the words that I'm holding on to right now. To be honest, I don't know where "here" is. I know that in this moment, I am happy. Thankful for my family, for friends, and for having someone in my life who makes me laugh. Once again, I have a desire for knowledge. To read, to listen to music. To write. Obscurity, instead of being a hindrance, intrigues me. Challenges me.

Prayer no longer feels forced, yet it doesn't come as automatically as it used to. I want to get back "there."

We are fast cars on a long night.

Christmas fast approaches, yet it feels strange. With my work schedule being the way it is (working overnight) I miss out on a lot of things that make it feel like Christmas: television specials, movies, Advent Sundays, and spending time with my family. Where did the past year go? I graduated one year and one week ago tomorrow.

The trip to Chicago was awesome. I fell in love with a city. I didn't even know that was possible. The buildings, the weather, the feel of city life. All things that I feel drawn to. I hope this internship works out. I don't have a back-up plan. I think I'm okay with that, though. Strange.

I'm sick of worrying, I don't want to be melancholy anymore. Recently I made the decision to enjoy this time of my life, and it's working out well so far.

If you don't jump, you'll never know if you can fly.

I prayed today, for the first time in a while. Not for myself, as that feels too selfish. But for some of those that I love, because I feel better when I do.

An Attempt.

I miss writing. I miss putting words to paper, erasing, arranging, and replacing words to convey perfectly an idea or a feeling. Right now, for instance. I sit here with a blank screen, yet I can't keep a thought long enough to wrap my mind around it. Am I distracted? Perhaps. By what? I don't know. Everything is different, lately. Even music sounds different. Am I numb? I feel the tears, welled down behind my eyes. Yet they do not come. I do not feel sad. Do I feel happy? Do I feel?

I miss church. Worship. Jesus feels like a famous person you might see on TV. Or if you get lucky enough to see Him in person, it's in the 232nd row, too far to the left to really make anything out. My Bible sits on my desk under random papers, an envelope, and a camera. Untouched since I don't know when.

I wish I were an artist. Maybe then I could express myself creatively. I want to try getting into photography.

I miss having girlfriends. I miss tea parties, lunches, and shopping.

Can you miss a place that you've never been to? I think I do.

Random ponderings

I hope that I never become one of those moms that has nothing else to talk about but her children. I find that this really annoys people. I don't want to lose all ability to hold an intelligent conversation when I have children.

I think it's really sad that everything I do at my job is done with the intent of going home. It's not really so much about being there as it is about getting out of there.

I wish I had the time and money to go on a road trip.

I hate that my life revolves around my job. I'm sick of it.